Can't talk to guys I fancy

LegacyUser

It's becoming a bit ridiculous and I'm not some teenage kid...I'm 24!! I literally cannot maintain eye contact and will immediately look away if I catch him looking at me. I'm an otherwise chatty, friendly, open woman, get on with everybody and love a bit of banter...but become shy and awkward and stiff and probably aloof to guys that I have a crush on.

I wouldn't EVER be someone who would make a move on a guy and I think I have this immediate assumption that a guy I fancy will just not fancy me. I wouldn't expect it, so wouldn't flirt, but now I'm thinking...why not? Why should I think this way? I'm a reasonably attractive girl, nice personality, up for a laugh...why should I limit myself like this? I really want to overcome this but don't know where to start!!

Any ideas??

Barracudaincork

First of all re-read your posting and pay particular attention to the parts where you describe yourself.........chatty, friendly, open woman, get on with everybody and love a bit of banter and reasonably attractive girl, nice personality, up for a laugh.

Now start believing them!! Seriously, you know you are all the above but yet you somehow dont really believe it.

Now that you have started to believe it, take a deep breath and just go for it, talk to any guy you fancy, wherever you see them. What is the worst thing that could happen, you talk gibberish and trip over yourself on the way there? Chances of that happening are slim. The situation is more than likely going to be that he will feel chuffed by a stunning confident women who can walk right up to him and say hello!

Also remember practice makes perfect, so keep trying and have some fun!

dblennon

You're goin to have to learn to walk again.

Accept that you might fail more than once remember the Game is very forgiving 99% of what you say is in no way embarrasing to the other person.

If you are literally crippled with fear and move away if you think that someone is about to approach you, remember that guys have to get over the same fear to come and talk to women (actually writing this makes me realise how ridiculous the fear is) you'll be fine.

tolteq

Unregistered wrote: »

It's becoming a bit ridiculous and I'm not some teenage kid...I'm 24!! I literally cannot maintain eye contact and will immediately look away if I catch him looking at me. I'm an otherwise chatty, friendly, open woman, get on with everybody and love a bit of banter...but become shy and awkward and stiff and probably aloof to guys that I have a crush on.

I wouldn't EVER be someone who would make a move on a guy and I think I have this immediate assumption that a guy I fancy will just not fancy me. I wouldn't expect it, so wouldn't flirt, but now I'm thinking...why not? Why should I think this way? I'm a reasonably attractive girl, nice personality, up for a laugh...why should I limit myself like this? I really want to overcome this but don't know where to start!!

Any ideas??

Yes fear of rejection. Dear oh dear. We've all been there. I think you should just bottle up the shyness and try. Like once you go a few times and talk to people and like what is the worst that can happen. They say no? big deal.

Well if your in Grafton St on Saturday and you see a handsome guy in a suit, you might not have to do any talking! lol.

I think its cos your attractive too. Maybe u put up an exterior that most of us guys cant get around.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice guys.

Yeah I do think it's a confidence thing, definitely a fear of rejection and Tolteq I think you're right about the exterior, when I think about my behaviour around guys that I like I make it bloody impossible for them to approach.

The reason I posted this is because I was walking down the corridor at work today, guy I really have a thing for was walking towards me, I could see him looking at me as if to say hi and I immediately looked away and kept walking. And then I thought, 'he must think I'm a rude cow' because I would! I mean it's a total misrepresentation of who I am but I've just always been like this. It's like my body language is screaming 'stay away' but every other part of me wishes they'd come over and say hello!

The mind boggles...anyway I guess I do need to just bottle it and strike up a conversation. Maybe I'll find the courage one of these days...

tolteq

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for the advice guys.

Yeah I do think it's a confidence thing, definitely a fear of rejection and Tolteq I think you're right about the exterior, when I think about my behaviour around guys that I like I make it bloody impossible for them to approach.

The reason I posted this is because I was walking down the corridor at work today, guy I really have a thing for was walking towards me, I could see him looking at me as if to say hi and I immediately looked away and kept walking. And then I thought, 'he must think I'm a rude cow' because I would! I mean it's a total misrepresentation of who I am but I've just always been like this. It's like my body language is screaming 'stay away' but every other part of me wishes they'd come over and say hello!

The mind boggles...anyway I guess I do need to just bottle it and strike up a conversation. Maybe I'll find the courage one of these days...

Look dont pounce on people at work. Its unprofessional. Not trying to be a pain in the backside or anything. But there was a post on here a few days ago bout someone who did the whole r/ship thing in work and with some serious consequences too.

Just dont want to see any more people unhappy.

Life is hard enough these days.

LegacyUser

Well one thing for sure .Youll have to knock a that on the head .My friend was talking to a girl the other night and she had a friend so I started talking to her friend and she completely blanked me. I stuck with her anyhow even though it was difficulty but she came around in the end then I realise that she was very shy.You have no idea how badly you are cvoming across.

I was the same. I'm still not Mr party guy but I appear confident.

In order for you to break the habit ,You must first decide to not see yourself as a shy person but an uber confident confident person.

Part of the problem is that you see yourself as a shy person ,you must stop the self talk.


You can practice on guys working in shops there is no chance of them rejecting you is there?.Just go up and ask them where something make eye contact and a little smile. If you even find this difficult you can do a thing called mental rehearsal ,it means lying down comfortably and relaxing while playing a scene in your head while you do it. In your case it would be talking to a guy you like and in the scene you and him would be getting on great at the end of the scene he would ask for your number .

I get very bad stage fright as a musician so what I do is get pics of the venue from the net visualise me going on stage and everything going perfect.Athletes also use this ,Pele was reknown for this.

So now go out and get as much fictional and real life experience and post back to us.