Am i losing it!!!

LegacyUser

k going to try keep this short.
basically i can't let anything drop with my boyfriend,if somethings on my mind and i know it will cause an argument if i say it i still do it!!!
now im not an argumentative person and hes lovely but i just feel like it builds up and up if i dont say it!
we're together 3 and a half years and we're just back together a week after a month break up. for the first 3 years everything was more than perfect (never fought) and the last few months we started to argue.i felt he was uninterested,drinking too much etc.. he thought he couldn't do anything right etc..
but we love each other so much and are determined to try and make it work.
so how do i stop myself overreacting and how do i start letting things go??or at least deal with them in a better way??
we both know we need to make changes and some of these things i bring up are unimportant so i really think if i could stop that and we both did make changes we'd be fine

whats wrong with me!!!

Wibbs

My take about nagging is that it's the man's fault most of the time. Outside the percentage of female drama queens who require constant emotional stimulation, most women who nag, do it because the guy is simply not listening or is listening, says he'll do something and then doesn't. I've seen it up close with a woman I know. Used to be a major drama queen and nag with exes. We're talking stereotypical stuff here. She doesn't do it with her current man. Why? Because he does and means what he says. First and foremost. Doesn't let stuff build up on his end and if she ever does push it, even when he is on top of things he simply and nicely blanks her and walks away until she calms down.

I would say the unimportant things you bring up are just symptoms of your general frustration. You need to get to the real reason for these frustrations. His drinking, his apparent lack of interest in you or the relationship etc. He needs to see this too and work on them. When you talk with him, don't repeat the same things over and over. He heard you the first time, doesn't want to deal with, or doesn't want to deal with it at that time and after that has switched off. By continuing all you accomplish is him switching off more. Don't ambush him at the wrong time. Straight after work or when hes had a skinful are both bad. Pick a time when you're both relaxed. Don't use terms like "you always...." or "you never....", it makes no sense and sounds like an attack. EG Don't say "we never go out" as hell just come back with we were out only last month. Instead say "I wish we could go out together more". That sort of thing. More about "we" than "you". Listen to what he says. Don't assume what he says is an attack either.

While you may be the one not letting things go, he's equally to blame for the frustration behind that. Work on that frustration together and you have a good chance if both are willing.

LegacyUser

Yep pretty much spot on Wibbs. i use the words 'you never' or 'you always'!
he said to me a while ago that i used to be so laid back. and yes i was because he still made time for me and his world didn't revolve around his friends!!he could do anything he wanted when he wanted and it didn't bother me in the slightest because i knew when he was with me that he really wanted to be there.
we both made sure we always went out together and had fun and now he assumes that i know he wants me there and all that but its still nice to hear it now and again!!i mean i know he knows i love him but that doesn't mean i'll stop saying it.
we did stop having fun due to both our faults and we have realised that so thats a good thing!
he says now that he knows he needs to cut back on his drinking etc.. and basically we both know where we need to make changes so hopefully that will work for us!
and i am going to try the new approach of sitting down and talking to him about whats on my mind.
we used to have the most amazing relationship and were the envy of all our friends,just hope we can get back to being that happy.