8 years.....now nothing!!

LegacyUser

8years on and off.... got back together the last time and both decided it was it(no more messing about) that it was marriage, kids, the lot.... few months down the line.... she decides she doesnt think she wants it anymore.... said she'd had her doubts ever since we got back together and that she rushed into it!! she has a child which isnt mine but i have loved like my own since the day he was born...she also says she needs to talk to someone(counsellor) about her own personal issues(intimacy problems, etc), we were meant to try that route but seems like shes already made up her mind about us and that hasnt happened.... i dont know what to make of it(thers obviously more detail but i wouldnt know where to begin) im torn between thinking she genuinely has had enough or that she has issues holding her back....she kind of admits as much both but suggests she "doesnt know" what to think a lot of the time...

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

First off let me say how sorry that you are in this situation, it is not an easy one for either you or your partner.

I do know how your partner feels to a certain extent. I am however married with 2 children. My husband is a wonderful, caring, giving man - who is actually probably the best husband a woman could have - the problem is me.

After 10 years together and 8 months of counselling I have come to the conclusion that I am not happy, I have not been happy for a long time and no matter how hard my husband tries, it just doesn't seem to make a difference. I am on anti-depressants and since I have been attending counselling sessions and have decided that I would be better off single, and so would my husband. God bless him he is trying and doesn't understand how I could feel this way and being honest neither do I - I just do.

I have not yet discussed this with my husband or counsellor but will be doing so over the next few weeks. I think I realised that I have been attending the counselling to resolve any issues we might have that will enable us to part as amicably as possible for every one involved.

I wish you well in your difficult time and hope you can get through it with dignity and without too much heart ache.

Victor

Perhaps I'm a little naieve about relationships - in particular the more serious ones. I have never seen my parents (coming up on their 50th anniversary) have a serious row. Then again, the last time I saw them being "coupley" was 30 years ago. Sure we'd all love to have that whirlwind romance that goes on until "they lived happily ever after"

Like anything, there will be challenges and there will be rewards and sometimes we can't see one from the other, but inside me there is this little, child-like (not childish) voice screaming "give it another chance". Any relationship needs work. Sometimes we needs to struggle. Sometimes we just need to accept the other person *and ourselves*.

vorbis

Op, sounds like you're going up a dead end. People have to fix their own problems and she to be honest sounds like she never will. Honestly, your best bet would be to start anew. This kind of messing around is not good for your health.

LegacyUser

im reading the responses and appreciate the feedback.....i guess half of me wants to fight for it but half of me realises its done for.... i let my heart rule my head a lot of the time with this girl!!! we both wanted this to work at the beginning, everything seemed great for the first few months and now she says that she thinks she rushed back into things and always had her doubts. few other things to add about the situation....in that her mood or attitude seems to change towards me in a shot. its going fine for a few days then all of a sudden she becomes distant and unaffectionate. we have been living together and even after everything we've been through it seems like she has a coldness or harshness towards me now in the break up...which shes admitted i dont deserve... hand on heart iv bent over backwards to make this work(leased out my house to live with her, treat her impeccably, dont mess about with the lads or even look at another woman)she has come first in every aspect this time but nothing seems good enough, went on a holiday, bought a dog, got rid of the dog, all at her request... in fact the last few months have been all about her which says it all really....i eve ndo most of the cleanin, washing etc... her life is good but shes not happy with (her body, work, money troubles, etc) she a fantastic looking girl and has guys constantly chasing after her which is probably why she enjoys going out so much(we all love attention and maybe its her only positive in her eyes, i dunno) iv given her space but she seems to be carrying on as normal. nights out with the girls, etc... its like she wanted me to do the breaking up so she could find the easy way out.... maybe she just wants the single life and thats her way....

onto the other complication.... her son.... iv been there since day one(even got back with her through her pregnancy and wasthere the day he was born, 4 years later and we are so close...its one thing getting over her but another one entirely with him.... he loves me to bits and even calls me dad.... the day after the break up she said she didnt want to exclude me from his live that our bond was too strong but a day later thinks i should stay away for his sake.... shes putting her decision down to her meeting with a counsellor....

my gut feeling is shes messed up inside and i wanna fight to sort things out,i am the only guy she has ever had a long term relationship with, other guys have only lasted max 5/6months which to me makes me think there is something there or am i just being naive???? all in all, i no iv prob been too soft but i made a decision to do all i could to make it work this time after all the years of messing and i dont wanna give up until the final final straw....

tolteq

Unregistered wrote: »

8years on and off.... got back together the last time and both decided it was it(no more messing about) that it was marriage, kids, the lot.... few months down the line.... she decides she doesnt think she wants it anymore.... said she'd had her doubts ever since we got back together and that she rushed into it!! she has a child which isnt mine but i have loved like my own since the day he was born...she also says she needs to talk to someone(counsellor) about her own personal issues(intimacy problems, etc), we were meant to try that route but seems like shes already made up her mind about us and that hasnt happened.... i dont know what to make of it(thers obviously more detail but i wouldnt know where to begin) im torn between thinking she genuinely has had enough or that she has issues holding her back....she kind of admits as much both but suggests she "doesnt know" what to think a lot of the time...

I have this theory that on and off is a kind of nuisance r/ship because you can never quite just keep it from being off again.

and then its on again

and then its off again.

I dont know if its such a great idea to commit to somebody you have a relationship like this with