Saw my ex and now don't know what to do

LegacyUser

Over six years ago I dated a guy that I fell for very quickly but the relationship as he thought was all about the chemistry between us and no more. He moved away and said I was getting too close and that he didn't want the long distance thing so we broke up. We met up a good few times after that and it took almost a year to break all ties, it was kinda messy but both of us knew where the other stood, me caring about him and he liking the sex. In the end I cut all ties as I met a guy who I'm due to marry in a couple of months and adore. I hadn't thought of the ex for so long and about three weeks ago I bumped into him on the street and I'm a mess. I can't stop thinking about him and I don't know what to do.

SarahSassy

Move on swifty. I assume your fiancee is a good guy so why would you be going back to that user or even giving him the time of day....

You can make a conscious decision to stop thinking about him, focus on your wedding and stop torturing yourself. Its like repeatedly putting your hand in the fire. You cannot still love him as after 6 years of no contact he is a different person. You are still holding on to the dream of him or else you are happy to be unhappy...

Appleguy

Nothing,

Or if you have found out that you don't love your soon to be husband as much as you thought you did over this experience, don't marry him until your sure.

LegacyUser

With regards to your ex:
He was with you purely for sex - like you said. He didn't think twice about ending things. Plus, it was SIX years ago. I know you probably had it bad for him, but surely both of you have changed over those six years. He's not the person you once knew and had feelings for. He could have kids or a partner by now. He could lead a totally different life than when you went out with him back then.

On a separate note...
With regards to your current relationship:
The person you are engaged to - could you imagine ever breaking up with him? Could you really imagine life without him? Because if you answered yes, then maybe it's not meant to be. I am engaged to my boyfriend and I love him so much. No matter how many ex's I see or how many other men I might even find attractive - I could never imagine my life without him! He makes me so happy and I only have to think about him and it brings a smile to my face.

You need to separate your fantasy from reality. Are you thinking about your ex because you still love him and would go as far as to break up with your partner if there was still a chance? Or is it just a silly illusion? If it is just some silly lust thing, you need to get him out of your head and ASAP. You have a new life now. You are getting married!!!!
However, if you are having doubts or are not fully happy in your current relationship, you need to ACT on that now because it becomes a whole lot more difficult AFTER you're married.

It's two different issues: 1) Do you still love your ex? And do you want to pursue him? 2) Do you love your current partner? Do you love him enough to marry him and commit your future to him alone? Are you definitely ready to settle?

LegacyUser

No I do love my fiance, he treats me really well and the sex is predictable but there's nothing wrong with that. I'm now worried because all I want to do is run back into the arms of my ex and into his bed or wherever the mood takes us like old times. Oddly I know he won't want me except for the sex but it doesn't stop these thoughts.

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

No I do love my fiance, he treats me really well and the sex is predictable but there's nothing wrong with that. I'm now worried because all I want to do is run back into the arms of my ex and into his bed or wherever the mood takes us like old times. Oddly I know he won't want me except for the sex but it doesn't stop these thoughts.

The bold bit is the part that stands out for me. OK in any long termer the initial buzz eases off and that's cool and to be expected. A new person or an ex that was all about the buzz and little else will feel exciting to you. Again natural enough. What you need to do is rev up the aspects of your long term relationship that will approximate that buzz. It won't be the same but if you both work at it it'll be far more intimate. Add a bit of danger. Danger revs the engine. Role play, doing it in unusual places, try things that your mother wouldn't approve of etc. Get it out of the bedroom for a start. Get that mojo working now before you get married and have kids down the line so you have that to remember and more to the point to fall back on and use as you go through your lives together.

LegacyUser

Well that's it then. You love your fiance and there's no hope for you getting back with your ex. You've just answered your own problem!

Thoughts are just thoughts unless you act on them. It sounds to me like it's all about sex for you. Maybe you need to concentrate about spicing things up with your fiance sexually?

Gets some news sexy outfits or try new positions etc.. You're not excited by sex with him because it's readily available - you just want what you can't have! You want "different", so unless you create something fresh with your current partner, you're still gonna be lusting after something else if you know what I mean!

Concentrate on what you have with your fiance and not on what you HAD with your ex. Because you've been there, done that!! Time to look to the future now and make sure you're happy not only emotionally with your partner, but sexually aswell - before you walk down the aisle!

LegacyUser

im totally with wibbs 100%

im in a long termer, one word...shower... OMG... try a bit of magic there, if that doesnt light your fire nothing will

on a serious note, dont throw away the love from someone that loves you completly, it doesnt come around often

LegacyUser

Thanks Wibbs and all after, I think you might be right, it could be simply because I'm bored. I sat down late last night and just came right out and said I'm bored and we need to spice things up. Don't know if it will make a difference for us as he loves his routine but fingers crossed. I've decided to stop obsessing about the ex and how great the sex was with him always and just focus on what I have here. You're right, it's not often that you meet someone who loves you.