Love is a joke, and so am I

LegacyUser

My Girlfriend and I just broke up after about 4 years. We have been living together for 3 and ahalf years. She won’t tell me much, but is texting me regularly asking am I ok. I am really upset, I cant describe it. I thought she was the best thing that ever happened to me, and when I met her first she was a mess but she snapped right out of it so I figured I meant the same to her too. We have had our problems, but we would rarely fight, and always find each other in the end. I don’t know what to be without her. She says she needs to have some fun, thats about it really. I have to find somewhere else to live and I don’t know what im to do. Basically last week I thought we could overcome anything, and now its over. I don’t know why I am posting this, I realise there is nothing I can do about anything, she has made this clear. I still love her.

LegacyUser

Hey bro,

I am going through the same thing as you right now, I understand your pain. Chancs are you want to climb in a box and not come out until evrtyhing is back to normal? i am also hearing the same thing i.e. " i think we dont have fun anymore" What i want to know is, do they not realise it not always going to be fun as this is real life and good strong relationships should see it out. I asked can we not start having more fun and try to fix it, and she said, fix what ????? You cant fix how i feel??????
The only advise i can offer you is, seat, see it out, without hassling her and see what happens? I mean, if she really wants you she knows where you are, if not no point staying with a girl if you know deep down she doesnt really want you......It will take time bro, but you will heal. What you must do is, anything she has giving you put in a box out of the way, and stop thinking of all the good time you had cause they are gone......Then time will tell........

i thnik we can all agree that when you are in love it is heaven on earth, but once you lose that love, you know you are in hell, double ended sword!

AND THEN THEY ASK WHY SO MANY MEN ARE COLD HEARTED AND BASTARDS?? EH YOU DRIVE US TO IT LADIES !! WELL I THINK CHB CLUB HAS JUST FOUND ITS NEWEST MEMBER!!


thinking of you mate

Rebelheart

Unregistered wrote: »

My Girlfriend and I just broke up after about 4 years. We have been living together for 3 and ahalf years. She won’t tell me much, but is texting me regularly asking am I ok. I am really upset, I cant describe it. I thought she was the best thing that ever happened to me, and when I met her first she was a mess but she snapped right out of it so I figured I meant the same to her too. We have had our problems, but we would rarely fight, and always find each other in the end. I don’t know what to be without her. She says she needs to have some fun, thats about it really. I have to find somewhere else to live and I don’t know what im to do. Basically last week I thought we could overcome anything, and now its over. I don’t know why I am posting this, I realise there is nothing I can do about anything, she has made this clear. I still love her.

Count yourself lucky: you have escaped. 4 years is very little when you think of the people (and there are an awful lot) who have been together for 40 years and do not love their partners (never mind being in love with them).

You are also free, and richer for the growth this experience will inspire. Just slap yourself (Yes, a few times if necessary ). Wake up. Here's why, Horse: there are so many wonderful women in this world. There is no such thing as "the only one" (apologies to the offended!). There are many, many people who will add to, who will enrich, your life. You now are free to explore this. You can immerse yourself in so many different, new, areas of the human existence. Explore new music, new education, new interests, new travel, new job - new anything.

You are free! (and this wont last for ever)


Yours,

Experience

PS: Don't respond to her texts. She has died. As a guideline, the hard choice is probably the wisest choice at this time. Find a song, an anthem, for this moment in your life. Do things you've wanted to but never managed to do. Enjoy it!

StormWarrior

Tbh alot of women use the "we're not having fun any more" excuse to conceal a truth which would hurt the man more - you're not treating her as well as you seem to think you are and you're not making her happy. Think about it - YOU are happy with the gf but she's not happy with you. That suggests she feels she's been putting in effort and making sacrifices and you haven't. I'm not saying this is definitely what's happening in your case but there are so many men on here saying "Suddenly my gf doesn't want me any more, why??" If a man is really treating his girlfriend right it's unlikely at best that she would just up and dump him for some "fun."

Wagon

"To have fun" quite often means to sleep around and live the single life. You can't stop her, but you can tell her to **** off calling you and leave you alone. That's the first thing id do.

boomerang 143

StormWarrior wrote: »

Tbh alot of women use the "we're not having fun any more" excuse to conceal a truth which would hurt the man more - you're not treating her as well as you seem to think you are and you're not making her happy. Think about it - YOU are happy with the gf but she's not happy with you. That suggests she feels she's been putting in effort and making sacrifices and you haven't. I'm not saying this is definitely what's happening in your case but there are so many men on here saying "Suddenly my gf doesn't want me any more, why??" If a man is really treating his girlfriend right it's unlikely at best that she would just up and dump him for some "fun."

Please tell me that this isnt true. My OH broke up with me after 4 years about 3 months ago using this excuse. I have tortured myself since trying to think of anything that I could have done or if I could have changed anything and cant think of anything. I was the best girlfriend I think anyone could be, and Im not trying to be big headed but he still left. All my friends and family keep telling me to stop beating myself up that there wasnt anything I could have done. But if what you say is true than I must be lacking in something and could have stopped him leaving

pookie82

Nothing is that black and white. The above descritpion is something that fits a lot of scenarios but by no means necessarily yours. I'm sure you did all you could to be a good boyfriend. But if that was enough, and all the effort in the world could make someone stay with you when they didn't want it, no one would be heart broken.

People grow apart all the time. Your family are right - stop beating yourself up and try to move on.

StormWarrior

boomerang 143 wrote: »

Please tell me that this isnt true. My OH broke up with me after 4 years about 3 months ago using this excuse. I have tortured myself since trying to think of anything that I could have done or if I could have changed anything and cant think of anything. I was the best girlfriend I think anyone could be, and Im not trying to be big headed but he still left. All my friends and family keep telling me to stop beating myself up that there wasnt anything I could have done. But if what you say is true than I must be lacking in something and could have stopped him leaving

I don't know whether this is something men tell women or not, I just know it's something women often tell men because it's easier than saying "You're a rubbish boyfriend, that's why this isn't fun any more!" If it was a man saying it to a woman, I'd guess it's more likely just an excuse to sleep around. In your case, it sounds like you tried too hard to please him.

LegacyUser

I totally agree with Wagon's opinion. As much as you won't wanna face it - the reason she gave is probably a front to some other reason. Maybe that's why she keeps asking if you're ok... she might feel guilty about the REAL reason for the break up?!

Anyway, it's neither here not there. The reason for the break-up is now irrelevant. The reality is, she broke up with you and does not want to be in the relationship any longer.

It's tough and probably feels almost unbearable at times (if you truly loved her)
I feel for you, you must be hurnting so much right now. But the good news is, you WILL get over it. It's gonna take time but all you can do is bear it it out. Try your best to get her out of your head as much as possible. Spend your time with friends and family and keep yourself busy & occupied as much as you can.

There's plenty more fish in the sea The right girl is still out there for you and when you find her, she will love you every bit as much as you love her.

LegacyUser

OP here,

StormWarrior, Whilst I take what you have said onboard, I always tried my best, it’s just that my best may not have always been good enough. I gave her all the freedom she wanted, and I really cared for her happiness. We had our distance sometimes, and in a way thats a kind of reactionary thing in its own right. I mean, sometimes neither of us could help needing space, and sometimes we couldn’t be apart. While you acknowledge it may not be the case in my particular relationship, I think you are generalising a stereotype view about the different sexes. Its a bit simplistic to look at life in a strictly feminist way, but then again Im sure you have your reasons.

Just to say thanks for everybody’s comments. I guess there is nothing else to be said really.