Tried to video us secretly

LegacyUser

Hi all,
just looking for advice i was staying in my boyfriends of 2yrs and it was late so not all lights were on, i was getting into the bed when i noticed a mini camera that records videos up high only cos there was a small light he forgot to cover. He was obviously planning on doing it without telling me. I said it to him and he just said he wanted material when we're apart and it would be for his eyes only?
Any advice4me?

LegacyUser

Dont trust him.

If what he said about wanting material was true then he should have discussed this with you. Then both of you could have made a decision together.

He has totally violated your trust here. He had no business taking your image without your permission. Perhaps he has already done this and its not the first time?

Perhaps he put it on the web or sent it to his friends or readers wives .....who knows?

After this I could never trust him again. I am not sure if this is a criminal offence but it should be. It is disgraceful and outrageous.

If I was you I would not rest until I had checked his PC, any external drives, cameras, memory cards, phone....EVERYTHING.....its the only way to ensure any other material he might have already done is discovered. Even then it may be too late.

I would involve the Guards too, although I am not sure if it is an offence.

Barracudaincork

Run! Run! Run! Run faster than Forrest Gump girl!!!

What a snake!!!! ...........actually thats offensive to snakes!

This guy is the lowest of the low and im pretty sure if he wanted "footage" for when your apart he would ask you first, this guy wants to either exploit you by showing his friends or sell the video online or give it away for free online.

Again Run Run Run Run!!!!!!!!

Elbi

No way I wouldnt trust him after that, if he wanted it for "his eyes only" he should have taked to you about it, but if he is being this sly about it I wouldnt trust that the video would be kept for "his eyes only"

If it was me in that situation I would probably beat him to death with the camera id be so cross.

star-pants

IF he was going to do that, he should have asked you first. Violation of trust and I wouldn't be happy at all.

Joey the lips

You have you answer above its twisted and its wrong. Not that its wrong to film each other but unknown to you shows a total lack of respect for you. How can you trust him? How can you trust him not to do it on others staying with you?

He is not to be trusted and I would go through all he has to make sure its not a first time!

jrochie

just read that, wow.
I'd agree with everything thats been said already. I'd also be very careful and do all you can to make sure that he hasn't already recorded you

LegacyUser

He had asked me before awhile ago and i didn't really want to as i'm kinda shy. Was such a shock!

star-pants

Unregistered wrote: »

He had asked me before awhile ago and i didn't really want to as i'm kinda shy. Was such a shock!

So he asked and you said no, so he tries to secretly do this?
Not only a violation of trust, he went against your wishes. I would be fairly ticked off.

BarnhallBull

star-pants wrote: »

So he asked and you said no, so he tries to secretly do this?
Not only a violation of trust, he went against your wishes. I would be fairly ticked off.

I was about to write the same reply word for word!

Can't believe, having told him you weren't comfortable with it that he went behind your back and did it anyway!

Get rid of him

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

He had asked me before awhile ago and i didn't really want to as i'm kinda shy. Was such a shock!

Woah! He asked you, and you said no, and he STILL did it? That is so not on, at all.

What reason did you give him for not wanting to do it? Did you say *anything* that may have made him think it was ok? There's absolutely no excuse for him doing what he did, I'm just trying to find some sort of mitigating circumstance for your sake - I can't imagine how upset you must be that your bf of two years did something so underhanded.

LegacyUser

i just said dont think i'd be up 4 it cos god knows where it wud end up.he said it wudn't go anywhere...it wud make u think!

LegacyUser

get a large magnet, and then rub it around his PC (or if your tech savvy, wipe his Hard drive, god knows whats on it anyway), teach him to video you. fairly horrible thing to do to be honest, massive breach of your trust and a big red flag imo.

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

i just said dont think i'd be up 4 it cos god knows where it wud end up.he said it wudn't go anywhere...it wud make u think!

Yeah, he decided that since he would be the only one looking at it, it was ok to go ahead and do it without your permission.

Terrible betrayal of trust. Awful. What did you say to him when you found the camera, OP? Tbh, I doubt this is the first time he's done it. I'd be asking to see what he's already recorded.

It's easy for me to sit here and say "dump him", but you've been going out with him for two years... it's a tough one. It's a HUGE trnasgression on his part, but it's really up to you how betrayed you feel by it. Do you think you'd be able to trust him not to do it again?

jrochie

well hopefully you found the camera before he had gotten a chance to use it!

Taltos

jrochie wrote: »

well hopefully you found the camera before he had gotten a chance to use it!

+1
God knows what else he has tried.
This guy is one total creep - run fast and far away and tell him if any video ever surfaces he is going straight to jail - do not pass go - do not collect 200dollars.

What a total immature prat.

legend365

Unregistered wrote: »

he just said he wanted material when we're apart

Yea so if somthing goes wrong he has somthing he can hold against you. You wouldn't want it all over the internet or peoples phones.

Drop that creep like a hot plate.

zuroph

TBH, dropping him quickly is the worst thing you could do right now. you need to search everything first. USB keys, computer, rapidshare accounts etc first. get him before he has a chance to hide anything he already has, or he'll be straight on the net in retaliation.

jrochie

ive been thinking about it, and id imagine the best way to go about it, is to act like you've decided your ok with it, and you'd like to see what he has. If your convincing enough then he might show you what he has, if anything, and gives you a chance to get rid of it.
Horrible situation to find yourself in though, especially when youve been together for 2 years. Hope everything works out

Lollipops23

PERVERT!!!!my god thats dispicible....if it was for his eyes only why wouldn't he ask you first??methinks it was destined for YouTube....

D-Boy

Thats totally not on!

abouttobebanned

He's a man. He wanted some material for when he's alone...I dunno...maybe I'm wrong...in fact I know if there was an opposite of thanks button I'd have plenty of it right now...but maybe you're just being a prude...

I mean he could just leave you? Instead he's sticking with you and filing anyway, for his eyes only...

I dunno....there's worse things he could do tbh

(Oh and I love how this forum is full of goody two-shoes...so many hypocrites...)

tbh

look, at the end of the day, he asked you to do something, doesn't matter what it is/was. You said no, and explained why. He listened to you, thought about it, and decided he was going to do it anyway.

Not the most trustworthy guy in the world, imo.

Barracudaincork

To abouttobebanned:

Worse things he could do, yup i agree with you there murder being one I suppose!

I have to ask how supportive and "Go man" would you be if this happened to your daughter, sister or best female friend, would you shake the guys hand, pat him on the back and say good on yah mate??? Just curious.........

shellyboo

abouttobebanned wrote: »

He's a man. He wanted some material for when he's alone...I dunno...maybe I'm wrong...in fact I know if there was an opposite of thanks button I'd have plenty of it right now...but maybe you're just being a prude...

I mean he could just leave you? Instead he's sticking with you and filing anyway, for his eyes only...

I dunno....there's worse things he could do tbh

(Oh and I love how this forum is full of goody two-shoes...so many hypocrites...)

It's not the act of being filmed that's bad, it's the fact that she said no and he did it anyway.

I wouldn't mind my bf wanting some 'alone time' material at all; but I'd be worried that it'd end up online. I know he would never do that - even if we'd split up - but things happen.

There are a lot of factors in this, tbh. I think if it was my fella, I'd forgive him for just doing it without my knowledge, and chalk it down to him not wanting to ask... but the fact that he did ask and she said no is the clincher for me. That's not on at all, he clearly hasn't an ounce of respect for her. It would worry me what he'd do with it after they break up. And seeing as she's had no control over what's actually been filmed, her face is probably in the videos and everything. It's really, really not on.

prinz

shellyboo wrote: »

Do you think you'd be able to trust him not to do it again?

Screw trusting him not to do that again. Serious issue trusting him to do/not do anything ever again. Kick.To.Ditch. He can have all the alone time he wants.

shellyboo

prinz wrote: »

Screw trusting him not to do that again. Serious issue trusting him to do/not do anything ever again. Kick.To.Ditch. He can have all the alone time he wants.

Totally. I fully agree after she said she'd already told him no.

LegacyUser

just a word of warning to the OP!

i'm a bloke and i look at porn quite a bit. i can tell you that there is loads of websites where lads have put up similar amateur videos. i kinda presumed that it was always consensual but then the thought did cross my mind that some guy could easily do what your boyfriend has done and put it up on the net.

So i wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he has done that or is planning to do it. Could be overacting but if u don't want to take any risks...i'd delete everything off his hard drive!

LegacyUser

im just playin it by ear right now and gonna talk to him again.it's good to hear other peoples views I take it all on board.

tbh

Unregistered wrote: »

Could be overacting but if u don't want to take any risks...i'd delete everything off his hard drive!

yeah - could be overreacting but look at it this way. She's currently his girlfriend. He asked her something and she said no, but he put his own needs ahead of hers. and that's when they are a couple. Lets say they break up - god forbid and all- and five or six years from now, her boyfriend, now her ex, who hasn't seen her in years, finds the video and - for a laugh - sends it to a new friend of his who has never met the ex. Now there are two copies. And so on and so forth.

If the guy hadn't been caught red-handed despite the fact he asked her and she said no, then the above scenario would be over reacting. You'd want to make sure you trust him 100% OP when he says he's never done it and gotten away with it before, and if not, get him to wipe his hard-drive. If he's really sorry, he'll do it. If not..

LegacyUser

Ill tell you my story.

Was with my partner for 5 years. I was drying my hair one day when out of no where (call it what you like) a voice comes into my head and says "check his camera". So I stopped drying my hair and opened the bed side locker drawer.

On the camera was video footage of me having a shower, drying myself, having a bath the usual naked stuff-oh yes and of us doing it doggie style.

You may ask "how didnt she know?" well I wear glasses and am pretty blind without them. Anyways, another voice came into my head "if he has this on camera, surely he has a back up". He was at work and I went though his DVD collection. Lo and behold there was a DVD of all the material (if not more) on a DVD.

I was disgusted. What a sneak. That DVD/camera could have ended up anywhere. I soon realised I couldnt trust him and broke up about a month later. To me that was abuse of the highest standard.

poser

I cant believe a boyfriend of 2yrs would betray his girlfriend like that, he obviously knew you wouldnt agree to doing something like that straight away so thought behind your back was the best..eh no!

Easy for me to say get rid but you need to have a serious talk with him on how you feel about the situation, that behaviour is not on!!

Personally, I'm with my boyfriend 5yrs and if he did that I would go mad, put him in the dog house for a good while, teach him a lesson to ask FIRST!!!

LegacyUser

Actually, I'd call the cops.

Remember the case of the pervy doctor down in Cork? I think you could bring a charge or at least find out how best to make sure you don't end up on the 'net/being blackmailed.

I'm not sure what the figures are for someone like that "escalating" but I'm sure a visit or a phonecall from the local law might nip that in the bud.

In any case, get that hard drive wiped (format and re-install, deleting is not enough) and make sure that there are no backups.

Deeply creepy.

TheGreenGiant

.......DAMN!!! That is an absolute despicable act of mistrust right there! I'm a guy and I would be ashamed to even think of video taping in the first place, but to think he did it behind your back!? If I were you, I would do what the majority of posters have said to you: find out if he has videoed more of you behind your back and get rid of it! And then run as fast as you can away from him! Its disgusting to think a bf of 2 years would do this...he should be thrown to the pigs!!

LegacyUser

ye i dont like the thought of snooping through his stuff but if it has to be done il do it as soon as i get the chance, i just never dreamed he wud be so devious....thought i was a fairly good judge of character ah well

LegacyUser

Thats so wrong... imagine if u hadnt of seen it and it went on for years and he had all these tapes and only god knows what hes been doing with him.. better that u did catch him.

dont even question it... he sounds weird. GO!

chopley

Check out his PC too for backup copies, but be prepared for the worst. If he can betray your trust by filming you secretly, he might be able to betray you in other ways too....

Anyway, sit him down and talk to him about it calmly. Then make your decision. Good luck.

LegacyUser

i will talk to him as calm as i can and suss out bout any other hidden things its a horrible situation to be in