Girlfriend thinking of leaving me

LegacyUser

Hi folks,

I am with my girlfirend about 2 years now. We are living together 6 months and we are mad about each other, or so i thought ? Basically its like my girlfriend woke up one morning and decided she is not sure if she wants this anymore, and she doesnt know if it us or just how she is feeling in general ?? She says she still loves me but doesnt know if we are coming or going ands feels stuck in the moment, she said she loves me but not sure about the rest. She wont speak to me when i try as she fears she will say or do the wrong thing and then it will be too late. We are still sleeping in the same bed and while we sleep we cuddle, which is what is keeping me sane at the moment:( She said that half of her is telling herself to cop-on as i am the best thing to happen to her, she said she cant find a reason as to why she is feeling this way???? We dont fight, we get on, yea we have the odd squabble but that healthy and before you say it, i know she is not seeing someone else and i trust her 110%. She reckons we dont have amuch fun anymore, having said that we go away on holiday about 3 times a year and have been having a ball....Basically I am heartbroken, everything is gray and in slow motion at the moment ..... I am trying everything in my power to fix it, but as she says, i cant fix how she is feeling.......She cant even bear to hug or kiss me and the affection she would show, the little things have all disappeared over the last 10 days.......She is the best thing to happen to me and the last 2 years have been amazing, the best in my life, so i am not giving up without a fight !! If i am being honest, If i do lose her, i dont know how i would ever find a woman again that could compare to her.........I have been in relationships before i so know when its right or wrong, and i feel she is the one, and i live in fear she may be the one that slipped away, and there is nothing i can do about it

Can i ask people to not take the piss and please give me honest advise on what or where i go from here, girls your adivse maybe be priceless, lads have any of you been in this position??

Folks thanks for your time and i apologize if i am babbling, just lost right now.

Signing off,


Hearbroken Man

Nervous Wreck

I've had this happen yeah... I'm afraid it's usually a prelude to a break-up. But not always. It sounds like she's really trying to fight for your relationship, which is a very very good thing. It's important for you to show your support and love for her right now but do not overdo it. TBH, it sounds like she knows how much she'd be throwing away if she gave up. Her head is telling her all the reasons she'd be stupid to leave you but her heart just isn't happy anymore... Can you change your heart? I dunno.... Fingers crossed for you OP.

Das Kitty

She's being incredibly selfish not allowing you two to have a conversation about it.

You poor dear OP, I really feel for you. You're stuck, you can't solve it because she won't let you even try.

You need to tell her to grow up and that you're going to have this conversation. Whatever the outcome it has to be better than not knowing.

Grandadsbear

Hang on in there...a friend of mine did the same with her b/friend of 6years last year and moved out...no one could believe it!!! Of all couple to "take a break/break up" these two were were the bottom of the list..they stayed friends and in good contact (mainly cause he gave her the space but told us he knew he'd get her back) and low and behold are back together...neither met anyone in the time apart but just needed time apart to cop on that what they had was so very very special!!!

That said...I do agree with "Das Kitty" you need to have that conversation and know where you stand...no way should you be treated in a way that has you feeling so bad...sleeping in the same bed and yet she cann't bring herself to show you any affection...show her the spare room (if you have one) ...

LegacyUser

Das Kitty wrote: »

She's being incredibly selfish not allowing you two to have a conversation about it.

You poor dear OP, I really feel for you. You're stuck, you can't solve it because she won't let you even try.

You need to tell her to grow up and that you're going to have this conversation. Whatever the outcome it has to be better than not knowing.

I agree!

She wont speak to me when i try as she fears she will say or do the wrong thing and then it will be too late.

OP, that is not good enough. To me it sounds like she is hedging her bets, as in she has doubts or something significant to say but will not say it as then there will be no going back for you and her.

Thats headwrecking, she has something significant but she wont share it with you...?

Why?

Her own self interest, she wants to have you on a string I think.......

She needs to start playing fair here. I am so sorry you are going through this. Stay strong and demand the respect you deserve, dont tip toe around her.....get the truth man.

All the best...I hope it sorts itself out.

allybhoy

Poor fella.Id agree with Kitty, you need to sit down and have a calm conversation with her and find out where you stand and what the story is. IMO (and i know this is probably not what you want to hear) the fact that she doesnt want any physical contact and cant bear to hug you would lead me suspect that its already dead in the water. Its like if she kisses or hugs you it makes her feel guilty somehow and maybe in her heart she has already left. I wouldnt even rule out the fact that she is seeing somebody else or else is possibly thinking about it, either way you have to find out the truth about why she is suddenly feeling like this. She said she doesnt want to say anything she regrets well I would say you are better off finding out what is wrong with her and how she feels rather than bottling it up. Anyways, good luck.

Greyfox

Grandadsbear wrote: »

Hang on in there...a friend of mine....and low and behold are back together...neither met anyone in the time apart but just needed time apart to cop on that what they had was so very very special!!!

That said...I do agree with "Das Kitty" you need to have that conversation and know where you stand...

The first thing you need to do is to try and talk about this without putting pressure on her and find out exactly where you stand.

As per the superb advice above what you must to do now is to give her the gift of missing you. I think you should move out as I think the only way to make her be thinking about you is by you not been their all the time..I think you's just need a bit of time apart so that she can work out how she really feels

Wibbs

OK my humble? and some of this may sound counter intuitive but often people can turn a break into a breakup by doing what they think is the right thing, not what may help. Especially men.

You're two years together and now the pressure of living together is in play. What can be an otherwise great relationship in the first flush of love, when you're meeting a few times a week, can quickly bring incompatibilities to the surface when you live together. It's not nearly as "exciting" for a start for many. want to know me, come live with me type o thang. The honeymoon period is largely spent(or at least seems to be for her) and now she's thinking really long term. That's a more considered emotional state than initial spark and depends on more factors. You need to find out these factors.

First off I agree with the other posters, you need to have a calm talk. Let her talk first. Don't interrupt beyond letting her know you're listening. Ask her what she wants to do and how she sees this panning out. When she's finished then you ring your thoughts on board.

Now she may not make sense to you. She may beat around the bush either because she doesn't want to upset you or she may not really know herself what's going on in her head. One side of her may be thinking "this guy is great, he ticks all the boxes, but I feel something is missing". She may not know precisely what that something is but she'll know it's missing. Usually it boils down to simple attraction. I've know women to stay with what appear to be complete wasters and turn down or leave good men for them and the reason most of the time is they feel that spark for the waster, even if they know he's bad for them.

Now if some of what she says is something you've noted yourself that needs fixing, agree with her. Tell her she's right, it does need fixing and you're willing to work on that if she is. If you're someone that generally keeps his emotional promises that will stand to you big time as a lot of guys aren't like that. A lot of guys IME promise the earth and they'll change, but it doesn't last. I'm quite sure a fair few women reading will recognise that one.

Now, if after all this she says she wants a "break" agree to it on the spot. By all means tell her you would want to work on it from your side, but if that's missing from her side at the moment tell her you respect her feelings. Don't get too emotional. It looks like a great idea and you may damn well feel like you're heart is breaking, but it's usually detrimental. Oh she may feel bad seeing you down, but want you're looking for is to get the spark back in the relationship. Crying your eyes out will not do that.

OK now this is as I say my opinion, but in my experience women only respond to outbursts of male emotion when they're feeling the love for the guy. That's when they want the emotional stuff(within reason). If that's waning in them for whatever reason, over emotion from the guy turns them off even further. You may guilt her into staying a little longer, but it won't last. I'm not suggesting you have a face on you like an easter island statue, but keep the crying etc to a minimum.

Now if she's open to working at it and the areas you've both decided need work, then grab the bull by the horns and follow it up with action. See this as a warning shot across the bows of you as a couple and steer a different better course.

If it does come to her wanting a break and you agreeing to it, then follow it up with action. Move out. This will be bloody hard I know that. Move out and actually try to start to move on. If her love is still there for you, she will respect you for actually listening to her, giving her space and not just yelling as many men do in these situations "Pleeeeease don't leave me, I loooove you". Because it's showing you're respecting and thinking of her more than yourself, even though you love her and it also shows you respect yourself by not staying in an emotionally trying situation. If she's broken up with a guy before this will come as a welcome surprise to her too. Even if she's made up her mind and it's actually over and her romantic love is gone, she'll still respect you more, much more than a guy trying to emotionally bargain his way back into her heart. IMHO it's a win win situation for you, regardless of how it pans out.

My 2 cents anyway

G86

I think she's said it to gauge your reaction, and to be honest I think she might have already made up her mind but is too scared to say it. She has to talk to you and you need to put your foot down on that, its not fair telling you somethings wrong and then expecting you to just go on as normal until she decides what she wants to do. I know that you love her but just remember that you're as much a part of the relationship as she is, and what you want matters too, don't be a doormat because you're scared she'll leave. You need to tell her how strongly you feel about it and how badly you don't want to lose her. It could be just that rut feeling and I do think that if she still loves you then there's still a chance, but I think that if she's said it out loud then she must have been thinking about it for quite some time.

You need to sit down and find out when she started feeling this way and what sparked it off, even if she says she doesn't know; because talking is the only way ye are going to find out.

I really hope it works out.

LegacyUser

Im in the same boat as you at the moment pal....so annoying the power is out of your hands