Says 'he's not into relationships'

Beth1978

Hi...I met a guy a while ago and we get on really well(we're in our 30's). I'm really attracted to him and love spending time with him. We email and text a good bit, hang out...and occasionally there's some physical activity. But he's made it clear that he's not into relationships, he says he doesn't do them. I just want to know if you think there's any way he'll change his mind? Has he been hurt in the past so doesn't want to go down that road again? Or is he just a commitment phobe and will always be a bachelor? He is very hard to read so that's why I'm asking. Maybe I'm just being used but if that's the case why does he keep the friendship side of things up? Sorry if I sound confused....its because I am!

Nevyn

What does he mean by relationships?
Does he mean a specific type of romanitic relationship with certain expectations?

tbh the only person who can answer those question is him.

Beth1978

Yes, he means he doesn't want a romantic relationship, etc.

Thanks for your messages....I guess I kinda knew the answer but just wanted someone on the outside to let me know what they thought. I seem to always end up in this pattern.

Thanks..

Beth1978

Yeah, I just need to find me one of those ones who is interested in a relationship!:) If only it were that simple.

I haven't walked away from the current guy just yet but am trying to get the courage up this week. It's difficult when you like someone and have started to fall for them...but they just don't feel the same. I hope to find the willpower to do it.

charmer

Just went through the same thing, waited for a couple of months hoping he'd change his mind.
I finally blurted it out last night and..nope, not a chance, he wants to stay single...
So now i've wasted a few months on him and am totally heartbroken cuz I fell for him really hard while waiting around.
You're better off to get rid ASAP

SarahSassy

From experience, men generally say what they mean - if he says he doesnt want a romantic relationship then take him at his word. I dont want to be mean but it can also mean 'I dont want a romantic relationship with you'. Dont let him use you. Let him off and meet someone who does want a relationship with you. There are plenty of nice guys out there in their 30's who would love a good relationship. Go find him

Beth1978

Thanks SS and Charmer, good advice. I guess I started this thread because I was looking for a reality check and I found it. I know if I continue on I'm going to get hurt...to be honest, I already am starting to be hurt by him so I know I should get out now. I don't know about plenty of guys in their 30's being single as I don't seem to come across alot of them but I won't give up trying!....

SarahSassy

Dont give up I promise there are plenty of good ones out there..

He is either not ready or not for you. It should not need to be forced at the start. It should be natural and comfortable. This guy does not appear to be the guy for you. Dont wait for him though as you can waste time waiting and waste further time getting over him. Nip it in the bud. You never know if he sees you with someone else he may take notice but dont do it for that reason. Move onwards and upwards.

AngryBadger

I'm curious as to why some people in this thread are talking about this guy like he's some kind of deviant for not wanting a relationship.

OP he's being up-front with you, he doesn't want a relationship, but he'll happily knock boots. What more do you expect? Or maybe he should pretend he does want a relationship just to get his end away? But that would make him a jerk...

I guess in this case you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.

SarahSassy

AngryBadger wrote: »

I'm curious as to why some people in this thread are talking about this guy like he's some kind of deviant for not wanting a relationship.

OP he's being up-front with you, he doesn't want a relationship, but he'll happily knock boots. What more do you expect? Or maybe he should pretend he does want a relationship just to get his end away? But that would make him a jerk...

I guess in this case you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.

Angry much AngryBagder????

Dont know where you are getting the deviant thing from but sure all women think all men are evil so you are surely right

Beth1978

AB, I appreciate your comment. I'm not looking for anyone to slag this guy off at all, I was just looking for advice. Yes he stated he didn't want a relationship, but what I'm saying is that we do stuff which tends to be relationshipy. I guess I was just confused as to what he wanted and thought if there was a chance I could change his mind about not wanting a relationship that I could try that. But after some very kind people here chatted to me I realise there is no way to change how he feels.

He's not a deviant, he was just being honest with me I guess.

AngryBadger

SarahSassy wrote: »

Angry much AngryBagder????

Well it is kind of my thing....

SarahSassy wrote: »

Dont know where you are getting the deviant thing from but sure all women think all men are evil so you are surely right

Seemed like a good word to describe how one or two women in the thread were talking about this guy.

OP it's not my intent to have a go at you or anything, but a lot of women I know tend to put themselves in this position where they think a guy is going to "come around". Admittedly it does happen that guys get into what starts off as a casual thing for them, but then develops into something more serious, however I wouldn't recommend anyone hang around waiting for a guy, (or indeed a girl), to change their mind. Think about it, we're biologically wired to want sex, sex, and more sex, and we don't have the same "biological clock" so many women talk about, so there's no real impetus for us to run into a relationship before we're good and ready.

Anyway, I hope you meet someone who is looking for a serious relationship sooner than later OP

G86

He's not going to change for you, he's made that clear. This is the way he is, if you can accept that and be happy with it then great; but if not then you need to walk away now or you'll get hurt bigtime.

gwhiz

At least he made it clear from the start that he didn't want a relationship. He was honest and open with you.
I spent two years with a guy, lived with him for the last year and he told me a few weeks ago that he didn't think he was a "relationship" type of person blah blah blah.... so I said "on your bike" and showed him the door. A**hole....
there is plenty more sharks in the sea