Hurting badly!!!

LegacyUser

So i met this girl a few months ago, went out a few times and got on really well most of the time, she's really amazing and i fell hard...don't usually fall for girls but i suppose when i do i jump in with both feet!! This has not served me well in the past but i can't seem to help it guess its just the way i am built.
Anyway a few times she's pulled back, saying just out of long relationship, needs space, not ready for anyting, we should just be friends etc.. this happened a few times and i always agreed, saying she can have all the space she needs etc. After the last time this happened i just said we should be friends too as it was getting too hard to keep going through this all the time, did'nt contact eachother for a week or so then started texting etc. Now she has told me on a few occasiions that she DOES like me too and that any other time in her life it would be good but its just the wrong time.
So we went for a few drinks last wkd, she was feeling low...had a bad week at work etc. and ended up getting fairly drunk...i was aswell. Stupidly starting asking where we are going etc. She was saying we're mates and i should find someone else, ended up back at thers kissing etc.
message again the next day saying things that happened last night shouldn't have....basicaly the same old story again, now i've tried to move on a...it's to hard but i haven't been able to do it....i know that im now gonna have to i've deleted her number etc. but thats not gonna matter as i know it by head anyway, hell she even told me that the last time we cut contact she deleted my number cos she was afraid of ringing me. Its not a good affair for either of us i can see that now but im infactuated withthis one at the moment and was just wondering if anyone could let me have any advise for a quick cure as this is really hurting me today.

tolteq

fffffffffff.


dont act like your interested man. that scares a woman off. cos when you say these things. a woman tends to "oh we're just friends"


when a girl is showing interest in you. you will know it.

my advice just back away from her gently. if she like you she will follow.

Karen_*

If there was a quick cure for heartache then there wouldn't be a PI section. You're just going to have to weather this but you CAN speed up the process by staying away from her and not contacting her.

dlofnep

She's only playing with your head. Move on. There is absolutely nothing good that can come from it. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. It might take time to find a nice one, but you'll have to be patient because this one seems like bad news.

star-pants

Yup, agree move on mister. She's 'not ready' unless she's in the mood so I'd bail on that. She's not going to change her mind anytime soon, so save yourself the heartache and go find someone who is ready.

LegacyUser

well the whole 'act like you're not interested' thing works when you're about 15 years old!!!
it sounds like she's making a fool out of you OP. maybe she does like you and isn't ready for a relationship but she really needs to make up her mind!ask her out straight once more and if she says she just wants to be friends just say no you can't be in contact with her at all then.you will get over her in time!!! she seriously sounds like she would be a lot of work if she's wreckng your head after a few months!!!

The_Conductor

I'd be inclined to agree with tolteq. I'd pull back- I'd do the friends thing the odd time- but seriously pull back from anything else. It sounds very much as though she is afraid of getting hurt herself- and just isn't ready for another relationship. If she is interested in you- and you pull back without burning bridges- its very possible that she may feel the urge to act.......

Nothing ventured- nothing gained.....

LegacyUser

Yeah i think ye may be right but i also think that the weekend was the last straw....i did ask her straight out wether she liked me or what, reply was hard to figure, " yeah i do like you" but followed by "we're mates"
to be honest think i've blown it, came on way too strong and probalbly seemed "needy" etc.
i've texted her to day and apologised for asking her that stuff again....no reply yet, but she often is slow on the reply front,
going to back off now and try and not hold out any hope...altough deep down i know that everytime my phone buzzes for the next while i'll get that feelinig, hoping its her,
it all just seems to hard sometimes, i wish it didnn't have to be so complicated!!! :-(

LegacyUser

Alright brother,

I feel your pain, the situation here is, by the sound of things you dont have a base to build on.........I know there is the aul, " it not you it me" but in all honestly mate, its not you, she is the one with the problem....She is playing with your emotions,she knows exactly how you will react if she gives you any form of "maybe i am in" She is using you for her own ego, by the sound of things, she is tagging you along and using you for company or whatever, but you need to stand up, keep your pride and say enough is enough.........no woman derserves to treat you like this, but at the same time you have to allow yourself to find someone else, be brave and confident and i promise some who derserves and likes you will come along, i have been there.......

Remember, your head can be your heaven or your hell.


Signing off,

Heartbroken man

Nervous Wreck

Agree with the move on advice. Also, IME getting with someone you like at 'the wrong time' more often than not destroys any possibility of there ever being a 'right time'. It's unfortunate but sometimes we taint these things with timing and we can't get them back.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice, i can see your point but honestly it's nearly always me instigating meeting up, just didn't wanna give up on her and even told her as much, she has siad as part of the reasons she keeps saying we just should be friends is that she doesn't want to string me along....
The last time we cut contact after we met up again she said it was weird not talking/txting and that she had missed me, she also showed signs of jealosy on a few occasions nothing major but enough to make me think there is somehing there, then when i try to move on it its back to the drama!!
saying all that i can see froma few stories she's told me that has the tendancy to be a bit of a heartbreaker, i mean she's a stunning looking girl and knows how "use it" but at the same time she has and has had serious esteem issues too!!

O'Coonassa

Unregistered wrote: »

just wondering if anyone could let me have any advise for a quick cure as this is really hurting me today.

Listen to Frank Zappa's "Broken Hearts are for A**holes" on a loop until the message sinks in. Then go out and get another one, there's millions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHjfDZDvPmk

Beth1978

You shouldn't be in such a difficult situation when you are just starting off with this person. Ye should be in the floods of the honeymoon period right now, not trying to work out why she isn't into you. If she was ready she'd be with you 100% right now. I'm not into game playing and tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. Yes, this may scare the majority of men off but at least they're aware of how I feel and I'm not trying to play anyone. She sounds quite confused and for you not to get hurt I'd suggest you get out of it now....but don't let it get you down or put you off jumping in both feet into another relationship...because trust me, there are plenty of single girls out there who are looking for someone to have a relationship with...myself included.

I hope the hurt eases for you a little today x

papillon66

today you'll feel the pain...tomorrow you'll say if I knew what I knew now I would have runt from the start...she's just messing with your head...keep it clear for a while...give yourself a no contact rule for 2 or 3 months if that can help you instead of writting her off completly if this is too hard for you to do-write down some goals you'd like to achieve in that time...and then in 2 or 3 months time you'll look back in a different way-

hope this help

legend365

Pull back and start looking at other possibilities. She cant make you miserable if theres other girls to do it aswell

I wear my heart on my sleeve too

Beth1978

legend365 wrote: »

I wear my heart on my sleeve too

I wish there were more like you....I think it makes life a little easier...but I guess we're more prone to getting hurt too....catch 22!

G86

It really doesn't seem like she's too interested to be honest. The stuff about getting over a long term thing is bull, she isn't that into you but likes knowing you're there if she wants someone to hang out with for a night or whatever. Don't put up with that, its not a nice way to be treated and you deserve more. Sorry man, it sucks bigtime since you really like her But thats the way I see it - better to get out now than get hurt more in the long run.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys I know ye're right sometimes ya just don't wanna believe it, to be fair to her she has said that she doesn't wanna lead me along etc. and that she's confused about how she feels re. her ex / me / getting into another relationship. It was me that kept pushing things cos I thought she was worth it!

Sent an email this morning anyway basically saying see ya later....not in a nasty way or anything, maybe give her a buzz in a few weeks / months if i feel like its a good idea!

I will say that she has been in relationship of one type of another all her adult life and prob needs time alone, but i wouldn't be surprised to see her walking down the street with a new OH in a months time....think i feel a bit better today anyway, a few hardcore trips to the gym this week might see me through this, endorphines and all that!! need to stay away from the booze to, for anyone in similar situations take my advise a hangover seems to magnify the feelings alot to the extent you feel you are literally in HELL!!