Addicted to Empathy

LegacyUser

Empathy is wrote:

Empathy is the capability to share your feelings and understand another's emotion and feelings. It is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes," or in some way experience what the other person is feeling. Empathy does not necessarily imply compassion, sympathy, or empathic concern because this capacity can be present in context of compassionate or cruel behavior.

Hi. I would just like to know if anyone has ever had the same situation as I have been going through for a long time.

I am overly empathetic. I'm not trying to say that I'm a fantastic person and that I always feel for people, thats not the case.

I have an incredibly over-active conscience and become incredibly stressed and anxious if I hear/witness anyone arguing-even if they are strangers and I am not involved.

It has been like this since I was young, although, I never got in trouble when I was younger for anything, I was a quiet kid who never caused trouble. My family rarely fought-much less than your average family I'd imagine. I also always and still do feel the need to impress people to be friends with them.

It's gotten to the point now where I cant watch television shows or read books or even listen to music without breaking down and it's starting to affect my personal relationships..


I'm an 18 year old male and I have had a solid girlfriend for 14 months.

I'm really sorry for the long post but this is really important to me and I would really appreciate if anyone would reply.

Thank you.

Kevster

Hi,

So, you don't like any form of conflict? If that is what you're saying, then I have the feeling that you might have been overprotected in your life. I say this because when I was your age I could not tolerate any form of conflict either. I was spoiled and overprotected throughout my entire teen years and then - when I was 'let loose' into the real world - I was scared and eventually crashed and burned (depression).

Anger is out there; fear is out there; conflicts will occur. You haev to have the confidance that you can accept this and then be able to handle it.

Kevin

neuro-praxis

I'm no doctor but it does sound as though you may be struggling with some kind of post-traumatic stress disorder. I have a friend who experienced similar problems to you and with counselling and some drug therapy she has resumed a normal life. For her, the death of her mother (when she was aged 10) began to trigger these problems when she was about 19.

Do see your doctor. Good luck.

Das Kitty

You seem incredibly anxious more than empathetic.

Things are affecting you and upsetting you that really shouldn't be.

Have there been times in your life where you have felt less like this and more able to cope with things?

Are you stressed at work or university or otherwise?

Faith

It's not empathy, it's projecting your own feelings. You see strangers arguing - you have no idea how they're feeling, but you project how you'd feel in that situation onto them. Because you have little to no experience with conflict, you'd react much more severely when faced with it than the average person used to fights. Basically, you need to learn to deal with conflict. For most people, arguments are part of day-to-day life, and won't cause them undue stress or anxiety. That's not the case for you.

This can be effectively dealt with through counselling. You are over-protected and you frankly need to learn how to dealt with normal situations like conflict.

P.S. Empathy doesn't really involve you taking on the emotions of the other person, just understanding them. So while you might feel a fraction of the other persons emotion, you shouldn't feel it to the extent that you think you do.

Das Kitty

Faith wrote: »

You are over-protected and you frankly need to learn how to dealt with normal situations like conflict.

I have to disagree on this. I've had a lot of conflict in my life and growing up and I get the same feelings as the OP does a lot. It's usually when I'm stressed out or down.

Faith

Das Kitty wrote: »

I have to disagree on this. I've had a lot of conflict in my life and growing up and I get the same feelings as the OP does a lot. It's usually when I'm stressed out or down.

So when you're feeling emotionally vulnerable? That's quite normal, we're all susceptible to reacting more extremely when we feel vulnerable. But when you're feeling emotionally strong, do you still react like that, or do you take it in your stride? And do you respond like that even to strangers arguing?

Das Kitty

Faith wrote: »

So when you're feeling emotionally vulnerable? That's quite normal, we're all susceptible to reacting more extremely when we feel vulnerable. But when you're feeling emotionally strong, do you still react like that, or do you take it in your stride? And do you respond like that even to strangers arguing?

When I'm strong I'm grand, and yep even with TV characters. That's why I was asking OP whether he has times when he feels less like this.

Just because you grew up in a low conflict household does not necessarily follow that you have been over-protected. Plenty of people grow up like that and can deal with things like this without a problem.

Faith

Das Kitty wrote: »

When I'm strong I'm grand, and yep even with TV characters. That's why I was asking OP whether he has times when he feels less like this.

Just because you grew up in a low conflict household does not necessarily follow that you have been over-protected. Plenty of people grow up like that and can deal with things like this without a problem.

Oh yeah okay, I get you. If the OP feels like this only when he's feeling emotionally vulnerable, then that's normal. But if he's responding like that all the time, it's something that needs to be dealt with because it's affecting his quality of life.

I agree with your second point too, that plenty of people can deal fine with these situations even without personal exposure while growing up. But my point is, those that can't should think about seeking counselling to help them learn how to.

I'm starting training as a psychologist in September, and I was advised that everyone considering a career in psychology should seek counselling to deal with their issues, so they don't project their own feelings and issues onto patients. I think most people could benefit from some counselling, especially when you're reacting in an abnormal way to a normal situation.

(Just to make things clearer, I'm not judging anyone. I project my feelings too, but towards people I perceive to be lonely. I can get terribly upset about strangers eating on their own etc, so I do understand where the OP is coming from.)

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here again.

Thanks for the replies.
Yeah, I was very overprotected as a child, Im the baby of the family and only son So I was mothered a lot. That would explain my fear of conflict.

I'd really like to get this sorted as it's getting in the way of my life and starting to affect my studies-leaving cert next month!

Should I seek counselling for this or just figure it out myself? If I should, who/what would I look for and how much would it cost? :S

Again, thank you for all the replies, much appreciated

Das Kitty

Unregistered wrote: »

leaving cert next month!

Right there!

Yep I was exactly the same coming up to the leaving cert, I was crying over the Simpsons ffs!

I'd say wait until things have settled down after the LC and see how you feel then. I know I started feeling a lot better about a month after it finished.

More to do with stress OP than your upbringing.

Faith

Das Kitty wrote: »

I'd say wait until things have settled down after the LC and see how you feel then. I know I started feeling a lot better about a month after it finished.

I'd agree, especially if this is a relatively new phenomenon. Counselling will just help you deal with it if it keeps happening, which is useful.

LegacyUser

Hi again. Thanks for all the advice and it's lovely to know that Im not the only person to have had this pre-LC.

I'm gona leave it till after the LC and just try avoid conflict till then. Theres a GROW meeting near me, so if I'm still not balanced about a month after the leaving I think I might just even sit in on a meeting and see how it goes from there.

Thanks again to everyone and if anyone else has anything to add (i.e-names of places I could contact etc.) please feel free to let me know.

Goodnight

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi again. Thanks for all the advice and it's lovely to know that Im not the only person to have had this pre-LC.

I'm gona leave it till after the LC and just try avoid conflict till then. Theres a GROW meeting near me, so if I'm still not balanced about a month after the leaving I think I might just even sit in on a meeting and see how it goes from there.

Thanks again to everyone and if anyone else has anything to add (i.e-names of places I could contact etc.) please feel free to let me know.

Goodnight

OP, not sure where you live but Kildare Youth Services-KYS, have free counselling in lots of areas in the county up to age 25-its run in conjunction with the HSE so worth contacting them for details of a similar group in your area..GROW is good, but an older age group than you and generally peer run..
i feel you'd do better in a one to one setting, and you shouldnt have to finance it, if you check out avail services..best of luck.