Fitting in, how long should it take?

LegacyUser

Hi,
I know this issue seems fairly trivial compare so some of the stuff written here but Im really getting bogged down at the moment.
In my job I was moved to a new area but I cant seem to fit in with everyone there.
With my own friends and old work colleagues I can have a great laugh, I can be in top form alot of the time and just forget about everything and work hard also.

Now in my new section I was told I was gonna love it because the people there are good to work with. The thing is I just cant fit in, im really quiet most of time and have very little to say. They all get on really well and I find myself completely out of the loop, its not that theyre not polite or friendly to me its just they are very friendly with each other and I find it intimidating. I fee like the boring quiet person they have to talk to.

Now I know its tough being the new boy, but its been about 6 weeks now and I thought by now Id have really fitted in but Im starting to dread going to work these days because of this stupid problem. Sometimes I wish they were all quite and serious so I wouldnt feel like the spare prick.

I know its the job thats important but if you think about it like this, imagine yourself going in to a room everyday with a bunch of people that were good mates with each other, its not a nice thought after a while.

just wondering have any of you experienced this and how long did it take you to fully fit in to the point that you could enjoy it?
Thanks

That_Guy

It can be daunting starting a new job especially with people who have been working in there longer than you.

The people working there have probably forged a working/social relationship with one another. It's nothing to do with you being new or anything it is just that these relationships have happened before you started to work there.

I wouldn't try and worry about it too much. Just get out there and let them know you're there. Share some common interests on a lunch break. If you're into football that'd be a good thing to talk about it. I'm sure a lot of people have similar interests to you so just don't be shy and talk to people.

workaccount

I think the issue is with your own feeling of self worth op.

What do these people talk about and what did you used to talk about with your old workmates?

Can you define what the difference is between these people and your old workmates and friends?

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the replies
Theres no difference thats the problem, theyre just normal people who have a bit of craic, its just they seem like really good friends, but I just feel like the boring one ,im very quiet around them and I dont know why, maybe it is to do with self worth, but I guess now Im not sure how to improve. I wish I came out of my shell , I was hoping to have by now because its getting me down

peekyboo

OP I really don't think you need to worry - seriously 6 weeks is not that long. I would give it a few more MONTHS at most and I bet one day you'll walk in and you will feel right at home. It might take something like a meeting where there's a bit of craic or a night out or something.

Seriously - nothing to worry about

Paulj

Ya have to agree with the previous poster. Nights out are a great of getting to know people a bit better. Maybe you could suggest heading for a pint after work on friday or something. When people are good mates like that already they may not make much effort to get to know the new guy, but that shouldn't stop you from making an effort with them. People generally respond well if you make an effort.

doubtfir3

I would suggest that you try to forge an "initial" relationship with one of your new colleagues.

I'm sure there is one of them with whom you work on a more consistent or regular basis throughout the day/week so I would suggest that you try to chat with them about work/non work related stuff when you get a chance.

Before you know it, that person will be including you as a matter of course and you should be integrated quickly and easily into the new group.

Seriously, you'd be surprised how well this can work.

I tend to be a bit of a livewire most of the time.. will chat with anyone etc, but about 3 and a half years ago I moved from a city to a town that I didn't know and worked with new people.. I completely left my "comfort zone" behind.

I was very awkward at first, but slowly I chatted more and more when I got a chance with those with whom I worked most.. simple things like the weekend, something funny that happened in the past that I recalled as we worked, even something as simple as asking if the person/persons you're working with want you to grab a tea/coffee when you're getting one for yourself..

They all work.. its unbelievably daunting, but I can say that if you look at it as a series of tiny tasks then the whole thing won't be a daunting "I'll never fit in" feeling..

Hope that helps!