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Self Esteem issue or...?

  • 14-05-2009 11:53am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Well, to put this in a straight forward manner as a young guy [turning twenty] I have problems trusting Girls 95-100% around the same age. To expand upon this, I mean in the romantic sense.

    Okay. So your first thought now is: Self Esteem issues buddy, it is you. And it may well be myself, in general I project confidance but worry over small things all the time.

    But, no offense to any ladies reading, I do find that most girls around my age, happy or not in a relationship, a generally very nice person or not do tend to cheat at some point. You see it all the time as a lad when you go out and see people you know.

    Often it seems to be with people they know rather then random hook ups. Off the top of my head, I don't really know many girls at all that have not cheated or put themselves in a prime spot to cheat. In the latter case, I have had girls who I knew were in relationships, put out the signs that if I was to play my cards right I could have pulled them on night outs. Now I do not know if these girls ever did cheat, as I always extracted myself from these situations.

    I just can't seem to shake the thought, been in a relationship myself now, that if a guy plays his cards right, most girls around my age will cheat and latter blame it on drink etc.

    ..So...self esteem issue on my end or does this hold any truth...?

    Oh and not to label young women/girls that is, lads in relationships are most likely the same, although less so from my experiance. [Not as much oppertunities I guess for a lad].


Comments

  • #2
    dblennon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 185 ✭✭dblennon


    Your 20 and they're not married nor are they likely to get married to they're current squeezes

    also many of preconseptions lie around the fact that your above all this "cheating".

    I think you need to get off the horse and stop being the moral guardian for other people.

    Take every individual on there own merits, going in with any sort of preconcieved ideas is a recipe for disaster.


  • #3
    Swashbuckler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,583 ✭✭✭Swashbuckler


    sunflower27 wrote: »
    When you consider every single one of us is different and unique it seems a bit futile to presume most people cheat.

    Some do, some don't.

    And anyway, you have no control over someone cheating.

    Stop thinking about it so much and worrying..... if it happens, deal with it then.

    :)

    Couldn't have summed it up better myself...


  • #4
    kittenkiller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,433 ✭✭✭kittenkiller


    Sounds more like paranoia than self-esteem issues to me.
    You women/girls are flirty, especially with a drink on boad.
    It doesn't mean that they're going to cheat.
    You said yourself that you don't even know if the girls you're focussing on actually cheated!

    No point in stressing about what *could* happen.
    Just enjoy yourself and think about the good things that do actually happen rather than the bad things that *might* happen.


  • #5
    Nervous Wreck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,115 ✭✭✭✭Nervous Wreck


    sunflower27 wrote: »
    When you consider every single one of us is different and unique it seems a bit futile to presume most people cheat.

    Or don't. ;)


    dblennon wrote: »
    Your 20 and they're not married nor are they likely to get married to they're current squeezes

    I hardly see the relevance of either point there. Marriage material or not, young or old, feelings are feelings and being cheated on feels sh1t.

    dblennon wrote: »
    also many of preconseptions lie around the fact that your above all this "cheating".

    Well he seems quite against it and has extracted himself from situations involving other people's infidelity so maybe he is 'above' it to some degree.

    dblennon wrote: »
    I think you need to get off the horse and stop being the moral guardian for other people.

    I don't think that's what the OP is doing tbh. In our culture, the preconception going in to any 'official' relationship is that it's a monogomous arrangement unless agreed otherwise. The OP respects that boundary and doesn't interfere with anyone else's buzz. Which I think is very respectable.

    dblennon wrote: »
    Take every individual on there own merits, going in with any sort of preconcieved ideas is a recipe for disaster.

    I think you should have said 'take every individual situation' on its own merits, no? And as I've already said, the silent understanding in our culture at the minute is that if you enter into a relationship with someone that has gone beyond the casual, you expect and are expected to provide fidelity.

    The OP isn't being judgemental and neither am I. If someone wants to have multiple partners as well as a one-night stand every night of the week, I applaud them. As long as everyone's on the same page. But knowingly and willfully cheating in a monogamous relationship is a fairly sh1tty way to act.


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