Screaming 4 year old

P!nk

I am a single mother with a 4 year old child. Every time he goes to visit his Dad, which is once every 2-4 weeks, he comes back like a demon! Screaming, hitting, cursing, and tantrums all over the place. I really need some advice on what to do because I cant cope with this split personality. He is normally so good natured and gentle. He would never normallly curse-he would give out to me if I said even the word hate! And its not only me who notices the change in him. His creche notice it, and my partner also notices it. Any advice welcome!!! Thank you!!!

Birdie086

i have the same problem although my sons dad doesnt take him, the rest of my sons paterenal family do. Only thing i can advise is patience. get straight back fo you normal routine. I put my son step or in his room and let him scream his head off. I f we are out in public i put him in his buggy and let him scream his head. takes about a day to get back to normal thoug. Is very hard and embarrassing in public. It really frustrates my as I know I do my best it feels as if my hard work is being undone. The other thing that annoys me is that he has a dirty stomach when he comes back from all the sweets and rubbish eaten while gone.

Oryx

Youll have to look into this a bit and figure out whats causing the tantrums.

If you are on good terms with his dad, ask him if the lad is like that when he has him. Does he get on well with his Dad? Does he cling and not like to leave him, or does he hate being in his environment, and the upset to his routine that causes?

Youve got to get inside the boys head, kind of, to figure out if he is lashing out because of frustration at his routine being knocked about, or missing you, or having to let his Daddy go (again) or whether he has been kept up late and is ratty with sleep. Are his Dad, or the people around him the kind of people who swear a lot? Kids repeat what they see, ditto when it comes to expressing emotion. Just a few ideas to throw out, as I know nothing of your situation.

Once you know the cause youre halfway to solving the problem.

P!nk

Im on ok terms with his dad, but not enough to ask questions. Its pretty much that we're civilised with each other.
It seems like he enjoys going down there to play with his cousin who is around the same age as him, but he never seems pushed on actually seeing his dad.
I dont just say this because of the situation. All I really know is when he goes down he can do what he wants, get what he wants and sleeps whenever he feels like it. I dont give him many sweets and he'd rarely have fizzy drinks, but I know he gets alot of them down there. I also feel his dad can be verbally violent towards him if he's not behaving. As kids do they let things slip not knowing what it really means.
Thank you for all your advice though!!

Woddle

My parents split briefly when I was about 8 and I saw my dad every Saturday and when I saw him he spoiled me rotten and then I had to go back to the big meany who was my mam(she wasn't really), she would only give me sweets when I was extra good and made me clean up after myself :mad:

Just wondering whether it would be the same situation and if so your going to have to sit down with the childs father and talk out a few guidelines, both parents have to be on the same page. You might find it hard to talk to the childs father but you at least should try, if all else fails bring him to the park and let him run around like a lunatic for a while and when he tires himself out your sorted but I suggest you get to the root of it and get the dad on your page or somewhere close.

Victor

Would it be possible to do something together (at a neutral venue)? I realise that might have complications for the adults, but it might reassure the child.

P!nk

We haven't been together since he was born so Im not sure if he's missing that. I could be wrong though. But I do have a partner for the last 3 years, thats proberly all he can remember. We are not really in the position to arrange something like that anyway. He lives 2 hours away from us.