How can I tell if she fancies me?

LegacyUser

I have strong feelings for my work colleague. I find her very attractive and really like her personality. I'm sure we are both aware of the pros and cons of dating (or simply asking out) fellow workers. We have been texting a little and met up for dinner once.

I told her i valued her friendship. Guess i'm confused. Thank you

Nervous Wreck

Someone's gonna say this very early on in the thread so I might as well get it out of the way now.

You can tell if she fancies you by whether she says yes or no when you ask her out on a date. Other than that, you'll have to spend days and weeks and months with tentative flirtations and jaysus, who has time for that anymore?

Spon Farmer

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

You can tell if she fancies you by whether she says yes or no when you ask her out on a date.

Logical.

Elbi

Just ask her out. Dont hang around, the oppertunity might slip and you'll never know.

LegacyUser

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Someone's gonna say this very early on in the thread so I might as well get it out of the way now.

You can tell if she fancies you by whether she says yes or no when you ask her out on a date. Other than that, you'll have to spend days and weeks and months with tentative flirtations and jaysus, who has time for that anymore?

Yes i agree. Guess i'm worried she will say no and i'd hate to embarrass her or affect or working relationship (which i guess could be affected if she says yes!). I don't think she gives many clues away.

Elbi

Unregistered wrote: »

Yes i agree. Guess i'm worried she will say no and i'd hate to embarrass her or affect or working relationship (which i guess could be affected if she says yes!). I don't think she gives many clues away.

NO you are worried you will embarrass yourself, which naturally you woud be worried about, but it takes guts to ask someone out, so i really think just go for it now, the longer you wait the harder it'l be for you.

LegacyUser

Elbi wrote: »

NO you are worried you will embarrass yourself, which naturally you woud be worried about, but it takes guts to ask someone out, so i really think just go for it now, the longer you wait the harder it'l be for you.

I'm not worried about being embarrassed actually. I know it takes courage. We seem to have a pretty good friendship and i would not like that to change.

Nervous Wreck

Unregistered wrote: »

Yes i agree. Guess i'm worried she will say no and i'd hate to embarrass her or affect or working relationship (which i guess could be affected if she says yes!). I don't think she gives many clues away.

I just got out of a year long relationship that ended on EXTREMELY bad terms. We don't talk anymore and I'm her boss. You'll be fine.

LegacyUser

Interesting! She is my boss at the moment. How did it work out for you when you were together?

Nervous Wreck

It was grand actually. Did my best to not give any preferential treatment, keep our relationship separate from work n'all. After a while, that was made difficult by the fact of our relaxed work environment and it kinda seeped in. One thing I will say is that we kinda ended up overloading on each other... Seeing each other every day in work and then going home together almost every night kinda got to be a bit of overkill..... But the relationship really thrived for a long time.

Totally F*CKED now though! She's actually had to take the last 3 weeks off to get her head together. But that's mostly cos she turned out to be a total bitch to me and everyone in work is fairly pissed off at her now.... So eh, good luck with that part.......

legend365

Either way you should go for it. The worst question a person can ask themselves is 'what if'!

LegacyUser

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

It was grand actually. Did my best to not give any preferential treatment, keep our relationship separate from work n'all. After a while, that was made difficult by the fact of our relaxed work environment and it kinda seeped in. One thing I will say is that we kinda ended up overloading on each other... Seeing each other every day in work and then going home together almost every night kinda got to be a bit of overkill..... But the relationship really thrived for a long time.

Totally F*CKED now though! She's actually had to take the last 3 weeks off to get her head together. But that's mostly cos she turned out to be a total bitch to me and everyone in work is fairly pissed off at her now.... So eh, good luck with that part.......

I wouldn't expect any preferential treatment and we wouldn't see each other every day at work. I'm sorry things didn't work out for ye.

LegacyUser

the story so far . . .

i asked her to go out to an upcoming event and then she asked me to meet up also. It's been so long since i dated that i'm not sure what the situation is. We have really good conversation (and we text occasionally). The situation has not arisen where even a kiss would seem appropriate. I guess time will tell but even if she did fancy me she's not the type to give much away (by hinting i mean :-))

LegacyUser

She has hinted by asking you to go to something with her. One of you needs to make a move or this whole thing will die a death. By the sounds of it she isnt going to, so you need to be the one. Dont let this go by the wayside due to lack of confidence. Go for it!

LegacyUser

In some ways i agree with you. In other ways i feel if it's meant to be it will happen. I do dread someone else meeting her in the meantime and asking her out instead.

If she was not my boss i would have been more decisive i'm sure.

I'm prepared to meet up with her fairly regularly and see how things progress. Then the meetings may become 'dates' and perhaps feelings will become clearer

any body language tips?

magicianz

Well for you try to get more body contact, touch is a very powerful thing between people. If shes interested she will probably do the same! If ye ever hug, hold on those few moments longer.
Watch for her:
Playing with hair or biting finger, knuckle or something like that.
Proper smiles (eyes squint, clear crows feet, eyebrows lower slightly)
Eye contact is always good.
Having the insides of her wrists facing you is a sign of trust.
Her body facing totally at you.

Not all totally 100% for everyone.

Colonel_McCoy

Just ask her out..........I am in the same situation going to make my move next time I see her!

Good luck to both of us

LegacyUser

Thanks for that. Hey i hope we don't work together and its the same woman! :-)

I've a feeling she doesn't give much away re body language.

zxcvbnm1

i'm gonna predict what will happen in the future.

You will continue wondering if she is interested and continue meeting her and not make a move and you will find yourself firmpy in the friends zone.

If you wanna avoid teh above happening then you are gonna have to make some forward advancement.

LegacyUser

I take your point. I'm hoping to get the opportunity to tell her my feelings and yet let her know i'd be understanding if she didn't feel the same. And that i hope we would remain good friends.

On the other hand i'm hoping the vibe is there sometime where we just kiss :-)

Real Jane Austen stuff this!

She told me once she doesn't like compliments (maybe they embarass her). I wonder was that a nice way of saying . . . well not from you! Who knows.

Adamisconfused

Unregistered wrote: »

I take your point. I'm hoping to get the opportunity to tell her my feelings and yet let her know i'd be understanding if she didn't feel the same. And that i hope we would remain good friends.

On the other hand i'm hoping the vibe is there sometime where we just kiss :-)

Real Jane Austen stuff this!

She told me once she doesn't like compliments (maybe they embarass her). I wonder was that a nice way of saying . . . well not from you! Who knows.

Don’t tell her your feelings!!!!!!!!!!!

If you must say something then talk about how much fun she is or that she makes you laugh at times. Coming over too strong will push any woman away. Spilling the emotions is not a turn on. Control yourself.
All women like compliments if the comments you make are specific and genuine. Compliment a certain hairstyle or new shoes. It won’t sound weird if you just say they suit her or that she has nice style and then move on to something else. Women think men don’t notice things; we do, but just stay schtum.
Generic comments like, “you’re beautiful”, are cringe worthy when the person saying it isn’t in a long term relationship with the woman.

Actually, c’mon ladies; what do you like to hear?

LegacyUser

"If you must say something" :-)

Don't worry i'm not going to pour my heart out.

I did say i liked her hair and that's when she said she didn't like compliments!

Adamisconfused

Unregistered wrote: »

"If you must say something" :-)

Don't worry i'm not going to pour my heart out.

I did say i liked her hair and that's when she said she didn't like compliments!

I wouldn’t get into the whole discussing your feelings field at all. The fact that she isn’t giving you any signals at all is quite worrying. I’m not sure if you can simply say that she doesn’t like giving anything away through body language.
Work place approaches and relationships can be a real minefield. However, if you’re determined to try your luck with this woman then take the direct approach and suggest meeting up at such and such a venue at a certain time. To make it a little less like an obvious pick up, you can ask her if she likes a certain type of music and suggest she goes with you and some other work colleagues to the venue/pub that weekend. The type of music is irrelevant. If she likes the band then she’ll go. If she says she doesn’t like that type of music then say they are great and she’ll love it. If she is interested in you then she’ll go or make arrangements to go with you on another occasion. If she turns you down then move on and forget her.
For the love of God, don’t say anything to the effect of suggesting that you’ll remain friends if she turns you down. That should be something you don’t bring attention to as you will give and unnatural air to your conversation. Also, it doesn’t bode well for you if you reject yourself before she even replies to you.

LegacyUser

Maybe she is giving very subtle signals and i don't spot them. It's also possible the thought of us being an item may never have entered her head! At the same time i'm wondering if she has ever entertained the notion of us being a couple.

I have already asked her to 2 venues. She asked me to 1.

I agree fully with your last paragraph.

She does smile at me but she could be a smiley person.

They say we just know when me meet 'the one'. I'd hate to get this really wrong.

DSB

Adamisconfused wrote: »

Compliment a certain hairstyle or new shoes. It won’t sound weird if you just say they suit her or that she has nice style and then move on to something else. Women think men don’t notice things; we do

We do?????:eek::eek::eek::eek:

LegacyUser

OP - I'm female & I'm actually getting impatient reading your responses here! You are going to keep dithering and get nowhere if you keep up the way you're going. You've already asked her out & she has reciprocated by asking you out - would she do this if she wasnt interested in you outside of the workplace? Please ask her out again but be specific & ask her if she will go on a date with you. If she says rejects the idea of a date, well then you'll know once & for all - you both seem to get on well enough to be able to deal with it in the work environment. You need to do something about this or you'll still be posting here in a year wondering what to do.

LegacyUser

Sorry you are getting impatient (i find your concern really sweet & genuine btw)

Thank you for your positive comment. It is reassuring :-) Though perhaps she is only interested in friendship - though that can develop into romance i guess.

Good advice.

Soul Stretcher

I was gonna compose a few paragraphs but I'll sum it up in the immortal words of Del Trotter:

"He who dares wins"....

Please dare.

Sparky

Listen, if you spend more time thinking about the "what ifs" and "maybe this and that" you are going to wind youself up overthinking the whole thing.

Clear your mind, relax, be calm and generally just be yourself.
Its not the end of the world if she doesnt want to progress anything further and would rather be friends if it comes to that.
Try to enjoy yourself

Elessar

This is a tough one. Do you risk it if you know things will get difficult and awkward if everything goes pear shaped? Is it worth it if it could destroy the friendship? Everyone has their own opinion on it. I've known people (friends) who have become an item through their friendship in a weekly club, but it didn't last and now one of them has left despite a life-long commitment to the club in question, and the friendship is gone.

There is some merit to the argument that you should live without regrets, but thinking logically you have to make an informed decision about whether if she rejected, or indeed if she accepted but after a time there is a nasty breakup, you could handle the awkwardness, and/or difficult feelings/atmosphere should you still be working closely together. I guess in regards to work, you can always resign and find some other job if worst come to worst.

LegacyUser

Got to love that Del Trotter saying - more so the way he says it

Yes i've never thought so much about asking someone out before. I think i'll be ok at 'being myself'

What is life without risk i guess. A lot of very relevant questions posed there. i don't think finding another job is an option. I'm very happy at work.

LegacyUser

Colonel Mc Coy - did you ask her out? If so, what did she say?