Don't know what to think?

LegacyUser

heya,

i became a **** buddy with a good friend of mine, we are both going travelling soon. i'm going away for 6 months with work and she's going away 12 months on a round the world trip.

now back in january she broke up with her ex because he was a cock, he read her messages on her phone and she didn't like that. so she dumped him.

about a month ago we decided to go away down the country for the weekend, you know book a hotel, have a few drinks and put the bed to good use.

when we got back he got in contact with her, and said that he knew we were away.

she contacted me and basically told me to lie about it and say we didn't do anything if he asked? i pretty much flipped out because i for one don't like lying, and when i asked why i should lie, i was just given the line: "we have history". when she said this to me, i kinda flipped, i just said, ok, i'm going to bed and just hung up. i was so upset about it, cause she said she'd be in contact on that day, but she contacted at 9pm and it was the first thing she said was, will you lie for me...

now me and her used to talk everyday and every night, but now she's rarely online, rarely texts me back and i'm afraid she's been corrupted by him and i really don't want to see her hurt about it.

today i texted her seeing how work was going for her. she replied back instantly saying it was good and asked how i was getting on. i replied with grand and then i ask could we meet up as we hadn't talked face to face in a while if she wasn't busy.

i didn't get a reply which is so unlike her, i texted again about 6 hours later to see if everything was ok, and just got a, "yeh if i can make time".

the thing about this is, if we weren't both going travelling i could see us going out together, but i keep thinking everytime she's not replying or not online that she's off with him even though she says she isn't it just doesn't add up cause he comes online and then 30 minutes later she does which is roughly the amount of time it takes to get from his to hers.

this is consuming my head, i can't think straight, everytime she's not in contact or not online, i think about them.

i can be grand some moments and fine, but then the next moment i could be in tears wherever i am be it in work/bus/or at home..

bluecell99

Another "EX" case I'm afraid.Of course she's back with him and she is probably getting off on knowing you are chasing her and interested and she has no goddam intention of leaving him.

Drop the contact.It will wreck your head.Find someone decent and single and move on.Leave them to it.They bloody well deserve each other.

star-pants

TBH she's playing games IMO.
Hooked up with you because it was convenient and dropped you as soon as she'd interest in this guy again. By the sounds of it you're over analysing things (we all do that sometimes) and you may be right with your guesses.
If she doesn't want to meet up I'd cut my losses and leave it. It's wrecking your head.

Block & delete them both off msn etc. If she really wants to talk she has your number. I couldn't be bothered with childish games like that.

**Caroline**

unsure1111 wrote: »

i became a **** buddy with a good friend of mine, we are both going travelling soon. i'm going away for 6 months with work and she's going away 12 months on a round the world trip.

Maybe that's all she sees you as: "a **** buddy"!
Your relationship is just based on sex. Sounds like you're after getting a bit attached to the idea of it going further but she's having none of it
Regarding the whole situation about the ex - if she does think of you as described above, then she probably feels it's irrelevant if she's back with her ex on and off. If you're not a proper couple (i.e. you're just using each other for physical pleasure in HER mind), then I'm sure she feels like she's not doing anything wrong. I don't think she knows you have feelings for her. And by the sound of things, she still has a thing for her ex!

the thing about this is, if we weren't both going travelling i could see us going out together

You wanted to see her and she wrote back "yeh if i can make time". It doesn't sound like she feels the same for you (as you do for her).
You could let her know how you feel but first ask yourself, realistically what do you want to come from this whole situation? You say if you "weren't both going travelling", but the thing is you ARE going travelling.


My Advice:
Start looking forward to your trip and get the idea of a relationship (with her) out of your head. It's unlikely she's gonna want anything serious at the moment (with the upcoming trip). And even if it were to develop into a relationship - is it gonna last with both of you travelling separately for such a long time? Sounds to me like it will only end in heartbreak!

Nervous Wreck

Though I defo agree with bluecell and star-pants, I'm gonna be slightly more optimistic in regards her character..... Unfortunately, we all sometimes get ourselves involved in situations that we can't handle, or indeed, too deep into situations we initially could handle.... It's unfortunate but it's very possible that she never had any intentions of mistreating you... But when she saw the opportunity to get back with an ex for whom she had strong feelings, she thought it prudent to take that opportunity, even if at the expense of your feelings. If this is the case, I can guarantee you that she's not taking your feelings lightly, and the likelihood is that she just feels too awkward (immature, sure) to break it to you. She's probably hoping that you'll find out through the grape-vine and be more angry than sad.... Sorry for your situation OP, it really is a sad one.