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Advice - have I pushed too far?

  • 13-05-2009 7:09pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    If anyone has ever been involved with an alcoholic your advice is appreciated. After a 6-month sobriety my (ex)bf has been on the grog, big time, no let up, absolute chaos. Disappeared over the last month twice for 1.5 weeks each time. I kicked him out. I know now that he has spent all his money on alcohol and so has nothing left and is probably sleeping in different friends houses. Living in this nightmare is debilitating and heartbreaking. It is only now that I have researched 'alcoholism' and the general gist is 'get the hell outta there' as there is no hope. However, because I had to make the ultimate decision i.e. move out, I am guilt ridden and feel like I exerted a power that I had no right to do. I know I am protecting myself from further grief and there was no other alternative, it is not how normal relationships function. I am not looking for backup of my decision (I really couldn't live with it), what I am wondering is if anyone has been in a similar situation and if so did their actions bring about a 'turnabout' for the alcoholic and they eventually straightened themselves out. I know every alcoholic has a 'bottom', unfortunately for some it will be 6ft under. Although there is nothing to salvage out of this whole caper I guess I am still concerned over his welfare albeit from afar.


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi op, it sounds like you've given this serious consideration! I have worked with alcohol abusers and have also had first hand experience. Unfortunately by you staying, however supportive (or dare I say it nagging) means that you are enabling your partner, it means that there are no consequences for his actions. I think tough love is the order of the day.You are just going to suffer over and over again while he destroys himself, you and the relationship. I wish you well and I hope you gain the strength to put yourself first. x


  • #3
    Kimia
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,897 ✭✭✭Kimia


    Hi op

    The thing about being involved with an alcoholic is that the person involved feels somehow responsible for the alcoholic. How do i help him, what can i do etc?

    Problem is.. there is NOTHING you can do. You are not responsible for his actions or feelings or indeed his alcoholism.

    You have no control over an alcoholic, and you may find yourself desperately trying to exert control over other aspects of your life.

    If you want to stay, do. Just remember that there is nothing that you can do that will help him. He has to make the conscious decision to help himself.

    Or you can leave, and move on, and not deal with it. Because it's not your problem, it's his. It's up to you.


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