No ambition

LegacyUser

Hey all,

Me and my boyfriend are both really young, 19, but this is something that's been bothering me since we started going out (about 6 months ago). He doesn't seem to have any ambition at all. He's not really into his education..his leaving cert's in 3 weeks (i'm in college) and he hasn't studied a thing, and doesn't care that he hasn't. Now, he has alot of other interests, extremely involved in countless different clubs and organisations, working for them etc. Alot of the time this is voluntary work but that's often how you get into paid positions in these things. So up until a while ago his lack of interest in education didn't bother me at all because he has so much else going for him. Yes, I'm in college but I know from experience that this isn't necessary to have a good life etc. To be honest I could see him being more successful than me because he has so much knowledge about certain things, knows alot of people from his involvements and has genuine interests etc. But recently I'm seeing a complete lack of interest about where he's going with his life. I've asked him what he plans to do next year and he just always fobs off the question. I don't badger him about it because I hated when people did that to me when I was picking courses etc. If I ever do mention anything it's always an answer like "sure I dunno"..in a completely uninterested way!

He is such a great guy, intelligent, loving, and interested in all of the clubs he's member of and everything. But the complete lack of ambition is getting to me at this point. I'm not saying I want him to have a clear cut plan..I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but I do have I suppose, a drive, to get something out of and be successful in whatever I do which I just don't see in him. Even when it comes to looking for a job he's very unproactive (if that's a word!) Any sort of interest would be good..

Wow sorry for the long post.. appreciate any replies even if your telling me i'm being completely stupid, maybe i am x

Nervous Wreck

Here goes...

noambition wrote: »

He doesn't seem to have any ambition at all.

No ambition at all?

noambition wrote: »

Now, he has alot of other interests, extremely involved in countless different clubs and organisations, working for them etc. Alot of the time this is voluntary work

Oh wait, there's some. Sounds like really good ambition to me actually. You're just worried that his ambition doesn't match yours because....

noambition wrote: »

He's not really into his education

Which is grand. Some people are doers rather than learners. Either way is grand. If you wanna get into it, some of the richest people in the world never cared a damn about formal education.

noambition wrote: »

So up until a while ago his lack of interest in education didn't bother me at all because he has so much else going for him.

So maybe he's happy enough where he's at?

noambition wrote: »

But recently I'm seeing a complete lack of interest about where he's going with his life. I've asked him what he plans to do next year and he just always fobs off the question.

Same time, he's only 19 like... Some people are lucky enough to figure out what they wanna do at 14 but others need to float for a while, which can be very very positive and healthy.

noambition wrote: »

Even when it comes to looking for a job he's very unproactive (if that's a word!)

Now that's something... But I suppose at the same time, he does have his exams coming up so maybe wait till they're out of the way and gently encourage him to find work.



I don't mean to sound like I'm putting you down at all OP, I just think that, given your/his age, a little time to chill out is totally justified. He could be the type of person who'll disappear to travel the world for 2 years and then come back and plop himself into a college as a mature student. Y'never know. But either way, he doesn't have to have it all figured out at 19. Chill out and roll with the punches!

kittenkiller

Wait until after his exams and sit down with him and talk about it.
Maybe he does have a plan but wants to life freely for a year or so before he implements it?

The thing is that you'll never know until you ask him.

He sounds like a lovely guy who'll never be short of something to keep him busy anyway.

Cianos

Not knowing what you want to do is not the same as having no ambition. The conventional view point is that you go to college as quickly as possible, get qualified as quickly as possible, get a job as quickly as possible and start earning money. This results in most people being dissatisfied with their choices in life and ending up in careers where the day to day reality is not nearly as fulfilling as what they had hoped it would be when trying to get to that very spot.

Your boyfriend just needs some time to figure out what he wants to do and it sounds like he is being very active in trying out different things and meeting different people. Just give him some space and time and he'll eventually focus on one thing and will most likely be brilliant at it, because he has taken the time to make sure it's what he wants to do.