Too young to have a baby

LegacyUser

Okay, I'm 22, i have been with my boyfriend over 6 yrs and living together neary 3, he's 21. we both have pretty steady jobs and are happy together, we dont own our own house or anything. lately i have been thinking alot about having a baby. i haven't spoken to him about it or anything which i no i should but i duno what to say. i know what a huge responsability this is. but i feel we are pretty responsible people. just like to hear what ye think.
Are we too young?

bluecell99

No such thing as "too young" as such.You are together,you know each other well,perhaps a baby would be great for the two of ye.


But,firstly have a fairly detailed discussion with your other half before deciding anything.Really try to see how your lives would be affected with all the practical things.Who looks after the baby when you both work?Are you prepared for the long nights and the end of your normal freedom and socialising as such?What about the extra expense?

Talk to other people who have babies.try to get the overall picture as best ye can and then make a decision.But make sure it is a joint decision.

if you decide to then the best of luck.My own Mother was 20 when I came along but had been married almost 2 years believe it or not and its what both my parents wanted.

baglady

I agree with bluecell99, I think you will have some people tell you no way you are too young to have a baby but really there is no such thing. But before you do you need to have a serious couple of talks with your boyfriend. Also do talk to other people who have babies. Are you prepared to give up nights out etc. Also, you say you don't own a house with your BF, but you should definitely be living on your own I think! Good luck

Dudess

I think there's definitely such a thing as "too young to have a baby" but in this case, while you are indeed young, you're significantly past your teens and you're in a very committed relationship with both of you working. It would seem the ideal set-up for starting a family - if he were of the same point of view. At 21, there's a very strong possibility he wouldn't be. Until you discuss it with him, we can't offer a huge amount. And even if he wanted a baby too, I'd be inclined to put it off given the current frighteningly bad economic situation. Unless you're in the public service, your jobs aren't guaranteed...

ellie1

You might feel ready for a baby and for the responsibility it brings at your young age.

He might not have any interest in having baby at this age.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

When I was 23 I told my bf I was ready to have a baby. He turned pall and I had to go get him a glass of water. Needless to say we didn't have a baby.

I don't think its too young at all but you'd be lucky to find a man in his 20s who wants kids. But don't ever let anyone tell you you're too young. Its good to know what you want. Don't spend years in relationships on the promise of '... yeah someday we will....'

My two cents.

G86

Just be careful, and think long and hard about it. I'm not saying you and your boyf aren't committed and happy but you're both very young to be together so long. I know you'll hate me saying that as I felt the same when it was said to me a few years back, but its true. You've been together since your early teens and there's a possibilty that you might break up, even if it doesn't seem likely right this moment. I lived with my ex for 2 years after being together for 5 and we broke up because we simply out grew each other, it can happen and you need to make sure that its something that you defintely can't see happening. The only way to do that is to sit down and discuss the whole thing with your boyf and see how he feels about it to be honest.

I don't think you're too young to have a baby, people younger than you are having kids without even considering it like this, but I think its a discussion you really need to have with your boyfriend - no one on here knows your relationship better than the two of ye.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

You're not necessarily too young but you still shouldn't be thinking about having a baby.
A baby is a life-long commitment, so before you think baby, you should be thinking about other life-long (or at least very long term) commitments that don't bring the same level of responcibility.

If you really want to have a baby with him, you should get married and buy a house so that you're in the best position possible to raise the child. People like you get pregnant accidentally all the time and it's not the end of the world but it's hardly an ideal scenario.

Give yourselves (and more importantly, the child) the best chance possible. Give it a stable home from the start. If you start with the baby, you'll always be struggling to afford the rest (unless you've got very good jobs).

LegacyUser

I disagree with the above poster that you must be married to give a potential baby a stable home.

But I do agree about the house. You say you don't own your own house yet.. IMO it would be the best idea to get that sorted first. Just for more stability. At least that way you have somewhere your child can grow up in, in the knowledge that (as long as mortgage payments are met) it won't change.

I don't think your too young to have a baby, you seem mature and your in a stable loving relationship but could you and your boyfriend maybe even concentrate on a house for a few years instead of a baby? Bringing up this with your boyfriend will also tell you just how much he wants his future with you..obviously i have no reason to doubt that he does from your post I'm just saying it will probably freak him out less than a baby.. he is only 21 so mentioning kids now could well do this a bit.
Kids are expensive and as has already been said it'll be much more difficult to get your own house sorted if you already have one than before.

Then again your boyfriend may also love the idea, everyone different and that's just my opinon. Good luck hope everything works out for you and your bf! X

Dudess

I personally don't see the importance of owning a house - I believe that's probably more of a cultural thing, but job security is paramount when raising a family. Seeing as you still have plenty more childbearing years left OP, maybe it would be safest to hold off until the economy picks up.

IlikePostcards

What everyone is saying is true, it is so expensive to have a child. Maybe it's good to figure out why you are having these thoughts, first, then you address the issues.

I grew up in a village that all the girls seemed to be having kids at a very young age; are your friends having kids? Television is a big influencer too. If this is true, maybe not *use* their kids, but see how hard it is for parents to raise them by babysitting, or taking them for a weekend. You will see it's not picnic.

If this is some sort of emotional, "biological-clock" thing, get yourself and your boyfriend a dog. Just like in Marley and Me, you can direct all your energy at raising a little pup, and it's almost as much work, plus your boyfriend won't be passing out on the floor over a doggie.

Hope it helps.

LegacyUser

Abit young alrite.....I had my 1st baby and I'm 34......I think your age is abit young. You have you life ahead of ye, enjoy it while you can. I'm glad I waited until now as once you have the baby life is never going too be the same again...trust me!

**Caroline**

Hi OP,

I don't think you're "too young" to have a child. I was in a similar situation myself when I planned my (now 4 year old) son and I have no regarets about it whatsoever. He's the happiest child in the world.. lol;)

You are an adult, capable of making your own decisions, in a long-term loving relationship, with both of you in employment.

Speak with your partner and see what he thinks of the idea. Have a thorough think about it and consider it in it's entirety. Talk about all the in's and out's. Once you know that you can afford a child financially, that it's what you both want and that you can give him/her all the love, affection, support & guidance they need - I can't see any reason why you shouldn't try for a baby! It sounds like ideal grounds for a caring & stable home for a child, regardless of you only being 22.

Also, don't forget that it might take you a while to conceive and then you have 9 long months of waiting once you do!!:):D