Too good-looking for my BF??

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I realise that title sounds really big headed and arrogant but it’s not, I’m just looking for
opinions on this topic. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me last week and I’m fine
with it. We haven’t been getting on for a while and were drifting further apart day by day.
We have a lot of money worries and were bickering over everything. He said the words but it was a mutual break up in that we both knew it had to end. I’m sad but I’m ok overall.

When he ended it he said that one of the reasons we couldn’t be with me anymore is that I’m too good looking and he’s threatened by how gorgeous I am. These are his words, not mine. When we go out I get hit on all the time (like most girls). Bar men give me free shots, even waiters have asked for my number. The final straw came when a manger in my company asked me out a few weeks ago. Now, I have never cheated on any bf I’ve had. I despise cheating. He is a very good looking guy too and girls eye him up but it doesn’t bother me. I think jealousy is a horrible trait but more importantly it’s pointless. It only damages you. He said that he trusts me and it’s not about cheating. He said that it’s just the constant strain of having other men hit on me was wearing him out. He no longer looked forward to weekend nights out and he hated when I went away with my girlfriends or out without him.

He gave this as his main reason for ending it as most fights stemmed form this fact. We fought over money too but this is the real problem. I think this is absolute bullsh*t and that maybe he is the one who couldn’t be trusted and that’s why he is so untrusting and jealous. I find it controlling and immature.

Do you think this is a completely made up reason for him ending it? It doesn’t mae send to me at all so I’m finding it very hard to put the relationship to bed. What does this mean?
Is it an excuse? I just don’t understand the reason.

Thanks for any thoughts at all.

cowzerp

after 2 years he only realised how good looking you where so had to finish it! that's an excuse and 1 he knew you'd love..

you where not getting on and he wanted out, also the fact that so many men are coming onto you, you must be letting them think there in with a shot as i know many beautiful women who never get hit on as its obvious there out of bounds..

you sound shallow to be honest, or else just naive

Beruthiel

toohot? wrote: »

When he ended it he said that one of the reasons we couldn’t be with me anymore is that I’m too good looking and he’s threatened by how gorgeous I am.

Translation:

I have low self esteem.

merlie

Hi there,

Sounds to me as though the guy was insecure in the relationship. Ending it on the note of that you are too good looking is a way of telling you that he was insecure in the relationship and actions all around him either by you or others compounded this feeling. You seemed more popular and he felt as though he was drifting into the background somewhere, and was probably having to fight or ward of the insecure feelings every time but had grown so tired of it that he ended it how he did.

Arguing over financial woes are only a part of what has been going on. Having a relationship with a person at work can become very complex especially if its one that may end on a bitter note and it would be hard to see that person everyday. So I would avoid any work relationships, if I was you.

If the relationship had trust issues, and if he noted that everywhere you both went someone was always 'hitting' on you even when you were with him, doesn't help in a relationship. He would probably be wondering every time you were away from him. This again is the basis of his insecurity within the relationship.

It also sounds to me that even though the relationship is over, you miss him in some way. It may be possible to talk with him over how things have been and clarify some things.

Good luck

Love,

Merlie

poisonated

You obviously are good looking and I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from...
He is obvioulsy suffering from self esteem issues...call it paranoia if you want but the reality is that he feels inadequate and when you are out there being chatted up by every guy you meet,this inadequacy keeps coming back to him.I could be wrong here but you dont really appear to be making your relationship clear with these guys.I say this becuase you say that people ask you for your number,I certainly would only do this if there were indications of interest.As I said I could be wrong so appolagies if it comes across harsh

LegacyUser

poisonated wrote: »

You obviously are good looking and I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from...
He is obvioulsy suffering from self esteem issues...call it paranoia if you want but the reality is that he feels inadequate and when you are out there being chatted up by every guy you meet,this inadequacy keeps coming back to him.I could be wrong here but you dont really appear to be making your relationship clear with these guys.I say this becuase you say that people ask you for your number,I certainly would only do this if there were indications of interest.As I said I could be wrong so appolagies if it comes across harsh

No, that's not harsh, it's what I needed to hear. Thsi next part I'm going to get slated for I know but I might aswell be honest. I have given guys my number before on nights out but purely just to get rid of them. Sometimes it's easier to just give a guy your number so he'll leave you alone. My boyfriend (well ex now) knows I have done thsi and it used to drive him crazy. I've only done it once or twice. Bloody stupid I know. God, I feel so dumb even writing that I did that. Giving a fake number isn't an option cause often guys will call it there and then. Saying you're taken doesn't stop some guys. I guess he was right to end it.

Beruthiel

Toohot? wrote: »

I have given guys my number before on nights out but purely just to get rid of them. Sometimes it's easier to just give a guy your number so he'll leave you alone.

Sorry, I'm not buying that for one second.
"I'm flattered but already have a b/f thanks" is all you ever have to say to anyone. It's certainly more honest than treating some random guy like an idiot and giving him false hope.

My boyfriend (well ex now) knows I have done thsi and it used to drive him crazy.

Well if my bloke was handing his phone number out to random women he met in pubs, I would dumb his ass.

ManOfMystery

To be honest, I can see where your bf is coming from. My gf is a good looking girl and I get insecure at times about attention she may get. I trust her implicitly and know she would never do anything, but many women expect that to be enough - it's not really. Although I trust her completely, I just don't like the fact that when she's out men will be hitting on her.

It gets to me so much at times that I have fleeting thoughts of ending it just to stop this torture in my brain. Its irrational on my part, there's no base for it and I have no way of defending or explaining it - but it happens nonetheless.

The only good thing about it - if you can call it that - is that I keep it to myself so my gf is unaware of it. The last thing she needs is to be worrying about how I'm feeling every time she goes out with her friends.

Beruthiel

ManOfMystery wrote: »

It gets to me so much at times that I have fleeting thoughts of ending it just to stop this torture in my brain.

You say you trust her, but you wouldn't say the above if that were true.
Also, if you had confidence in yourself, you would know that's she's damn lucky to be with you and she knows it.

Beetlebum

ManOfMystery wrote: »

To be honest, I can see where your bf is coming from. My gf is a good looking girl and I get insecure at times about attention she may get. I trust her implicitly and know she would never do anything, but many women expect that to be enough - it's not really. Although I trust her completely, I just don't like the fact that when she's out men will be hitting on her.

It gets to me so much at times that I have fleeting thoughts of ending it just to stop this torture in my brain. Its irrational on my part, there's no base for it and I have no way of defending or explaining it - but it happens nonetheless.

The only good thing about it - if you can call it that - is that I keep it to myself so my gf is unaware of it. The last thing she needs is to be worrying about how I'm feeling every time she goes out with her friends.

Awww...that's so sweet. It's nice how you put her feelings and enjoyment first but maybe you should tell her about the 'torture' in your head. It's important to share these things.

I get where the OP is coming from too. I was going out with a really good looking successful musican and it had me in bits! When he was playing festivals and I couldn't be there I would be sick to my stomach. It's absolutely horrible. It comes down to trust thought as Beruithel said. If you really truly trust somebody then it wouldn't matter if they looked like Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt. Turns out I was right not to trust my good looking ex as he cheated twice but hey, ugly people cheat too!

Life is too short to spent worrying about things you cannot control.

Wibbs

toohot? wrote: »

When he ended it he said that one of the reasons we couldn’t be with me anymore is that I’m too good looking and he’s threatened by how gorgeous I am. These are his words, not mine.

I agree with Beruthiel on his self esteem, part and would add he's threatened by the thoughts of your possible infidelity.

When we go out I get hit on all the time (like most girls).

Yes women get more hit on than men, but some more than others and its not just down to looks either. Some of the plainest women get hit on more than more pretty women. Men in general hit on women they think they have a chance with. I would even say that the more actually gorgeous a woman is the less she'll be hit on. Stared at yes, approached not so much. Very open women get hit on more than closed off women.

Bar men give me free shots, even waiters have asked for my number. The final straw came when a manger in my company asked me out a few weeks ago.

Did the manager not know you were in a relationship?

Now, I have never cheated on any bf I’ve had. I despise cheating.

Good attitude to have.

He is a very good looking guy too and girls eye him up but it doesn’t bother me.

But I doubt he's given them his number.

I think jealousy is a horrible trait but more importantly it’s pointless. It only damages you.

I agree.

He said that he trusts me and it’s not about cheating.

He's lying IMHO.

He said that it’s just the constant strain of having other men hit on me was wearing him out. He no longer looked forward to weekend nights out and he hated when I went away with my girlfriends or out without him.

Again he's not being honest IMHO. If he truly was not worried about cheating and the only thing that was a strain was men approaching you, well then he would have been happier when you were out and about without him. Stand to reason, if that was his real reason.

I was seeing someone for a while that was similar to how you describe this and I preferred if she went out on the rip in town with her mates as if I was with her it was a bit wearing putting off one guy after another. She wasn't that great looking TBH. Good body, well dressed, but she talked with every guy she met. She liked the attention. She claimed that wasn't it, but clearly it was.

Yes some men won't take "I have a boyfriend" as an answer. It makes a difference how you say it and how you act. If a woman tells me she has a boyfriend, TBH I've learned to largely ignore it depending on when and how its said. If its the first thing out of her mouth and said the way Beruthial said it I say fine, game over. If it's something she says ten minutes in and keeps talking, flirting and being open with me, that's when I ignore it.

My take is that you are used to male attention. You expect it and somewhere inside you like it. It's one of the big things in your life that validates you. You don't like to upset men who have given you this validation so you give them numbers and keep talking to them. Now you may not cheat and for what it's worth I believe you, but in a way you're scared of causing a scene socially or just being confident enough to say to yourself "yes I'm attractive, they like me, but this is going too far so stop".

Dublin_Gunner

Is this a serious topic??

He wanted to break up with you because you're too good looking? Nope, he wanted to break up with you because you act like a flirtatious 17 year old when you go out together, like you've just been released from boarding school, and attract guys left right and centre because you lead them on - this giving your boyfriend self esteem & trust issues.

Why on earth would he want to go out with you, regardless of how good looking you are or money issues, when he feels he's in competition with every other guy in the bar.

I mean come on, if thats the way you act when he's there, god knows what way the poor guy must think you act when he's not!

What are you doing talking to random strange men when you're out with him anyway?? Let alone giving out your number willy nilly?

He was right to break up with you (I know you're saying it was mutual, yeah right), and hopefully this will teach you a lesson about how to act with the opposite sex when you're meant to be in a relationship.

Sorry if my post was harsh, but I'm pretty sure I'm only saying what everyone else here is thinking.
I'm sure you're a lovely girl and everything, but you need to grow up a little I think.

Kintarō Hattori

Personally I can't believe your boyfriend gave you that as an honest reason. My fiancée is a very good looking lady especially when she's heading out for a night out with friends but I don't worry about her being hit on or how good looking she is because we have trust. I love her, she loves me and I trust her to do the right thing.

It would seem that your boyfriend didn't trust you despite what he said and without that you can't have a long lasting sincere relationship. Regardless of that it appears he has given you a cover story in order to end the relationship. Whether you confront him about this is up to you. Read what everyone has to say and then make a judgement.

Wibbs

Beruthiel wrote: »

You say you trust her, but you wouldn't say the above if that were true.
Also, if you had confidence in yourself, you would know that's she's damn lucky to be with you and she knows it.

Nail on the head I have to say. Personally I like men being attracted to a woman I'm with and as Beruthiel says she's lucky to be with me and I with her, so no big deal and I get to take her home. If men weren't attracted to a woman I was with I would be wondering why TBH. I would also wonder if men did this in front of me. I would question my own boundaries that I was putting out there socially. Now if she's stirring to try to get a reaction from me, then I don't appreciate that and she'll be sorely disappointed if that's what she's looking for. If she engenders this kinda thing regularly and doesn't understand her own(and my) boundaries again I don't like it. I suspect the OP falls into the latter group.

kitty_dillon1@h

Sometimes it's easier to just give a guy your number so he'll leave you alone. My boyfriend (well ex now) knows I have done thsi and it used to drive him crazy. I've only done it once or twice. Bloody stupid I know. God, I feel so dumb even writing that I did that. Giving a fake number isn't an option cause often guys will call it there and then. Saying you're taken doesn't stop some guys.

ah come on now i don't believe if you say no when a guy asks you for your number that he keeps following you!! if a guy sees you out and he asks you and you say no you can be sure he'll move onto someone else,no matter how good looking you are!!!
i used to be an awful flirt when i was single,i met my boyf over 3 years ago and now i wouldn't even know if someone was flirting with me!!
you don't let yourself get into the situation where someone is chatting you up if you are in a relationship,it's as simple as that. well that should be the case if you're actually happy in your relationship and have respect for your oh.
and you obviously get into conversation with these guys for them to get the chance to ask for your number. so you're letting them think there's a chance.

not the actions of a happily taken woman in my opinion!

Wibbs

Dublin_Gunner wrote: »

He wanted to break up with you because you're too good looking? Nope, he wanted to break up with you because you act like a flirtatious 17 year old when you go out together, like you've just been released from boarding school, and attract guys left right and centre because you lead them on - this giving your boyfriend self esteem & trust issues.

I would agree except for the bit about her giving her BF those issues. She's not helping, but he's giving himself those issues.

Why on earth would he want to go out with you, regardless of how good looking you are or money issues, when he feels he's in competition with every other guy in the bar.

If he was a confident centered man, he would realise he's not in competition with anyone but himself.

What are you doing talking to random strange men when you're out with him anyway?? Let alone giving out your number willy nilly?

I agree, but my take is that she needs this validation and/or she doesn't understand or know how to deal with her own boundaries socially. It's more common in women I have found. They don't like to upset the social status quo and extend that beyond her social group even to strangers. It's the other side of the coin to the women that are overly aggressive to strange men. It stems from self confidence and a lack of understanding of social dynamics.

LegacyUser

Toohot? wrote: »

No, that's not harsh, it's what I needed to hear. Thsi next part I'm going to get slated for I know but I might aswell be honest. I have given guys my number before on nights out but purely just to get rid of them. Sometimes it's easier to just give a guy your number so he'll leave you alone. My boyfriend (well ex now) knows I have done thsi and it used to drive him crazy. I've only done it once or twice. Bloody stupid I know. God, I feel so dumb even writing that I did that. Giving a fake number isn't an option cause often guys will call it there and then. Saying you're taken doesn't stop some guys. I guess he was right to end it.

OMG! You give them your phone number and yet you expect your boyfriend to stand for this. He was right to have ended it. He couldn't trust you and you cheapened yourself by doing this. You didn't respect him, so why should he bother.

SteelyDanJalapeno

Your probably not that gorgeous,

he just told you that to soften the blow, of your ass being dumped.

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

He couldn't trust you and you cheapened yourself by doing this. You didn't respect him, so why should he bother.

Well as of now he's her ex. Given that she's the one who posted I would be taking the position of how to help her understand the whys of this. I would agree with you, but would turn it around and paraphrase you by saying she didn't respect herself and know her own boundaries and act upon them. If she doesn't learn this for herself, then future relationships could be badly affected. Even her selection of a future partner could be affected. She may select guys who barge past her boundaries and drive herself into relationships that are not healthy for her as a person. Indeed I would put money on it that this has happened in the past.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Taltos

toohot? wrote: »

I think this is absolute bullsh*t and that maybe he is the one who couldn’t be trusted and that’s why he is so untrusting and jealous. I find it controlling and immature.

Think you hit the nail sqarely on the head with this.
It's a real shame he could not talk you about how he was feeling before breaking up. It could be that your money worries just made a tricky situation for him much worse.

It's a real shame he could not see the good point to this attention - that is despite all the compliments you were getting without looking for them each and every day you chose to spend your time and love with him

If he was the one maybe have a chat - as I said this might just be one thing that went wrong for him and might be more due to the money and the low self-esteem or pressure he might be feeling as a result.

Hopefully you both can work it out.
However - as to your boss hitting on you - ewwwww - not appropriate behaviour at all. Pls though let us know that you did not keep running to your ex with tales of who hit on you that day, that would bring anyone down...

As to giving out your number - you know this is wrong. BTW - that would have been a deal-breaker for me....

legend365

Toohot? wrote: »

I have given guys my number before on nights out but purely just to get rid of them. Sometimes it's easier to just give a guy your number so he'll leave you alone.

Why you didn't just make up a number instead of giving your actual number we will enver know....

Its common sense!

gwhiz

Toohot? wrote: »

No, that's not harsh, it's what I needed to hear. Thsi next part I'm going to get slated for I know but I might aswell be honest. I have given guys my number before on nights out but purely just to get rid of them. Sometimes it's easier to just give a guy your number so he'll leave you alone. My boyfriend (well ex now) knows I have done thsi and it used to drive him crazy. I've only done it once or twice. Bloody stupid I know. God, I feel so dumb even writing that I did that. Giving a fake number isn't an option cause often guys will call it there and then. Saying you're taken doesn't stop some guys. I guess he was right to end it.

Yeah, your dead right, from reading the above pile of sh*t he was right to end it.... One of my friends is a model and amazing looking and when we are out, she does get chatted up but politely tells them shes not interested and with someone and they go away. She certainly doesnt give out her number to get rid of the guy.... i mean get fooking real and GROW UP.... maybe he just dumped you because your an AIR HEAD... your naiveity is gonna get you into big big trouble one of these days.

LegacyUser

jesus the insults this girl gets cause she has a bit of confidence to say she is good looking. 'Your probably not that good looking, airhead, naive etc etc' ye are just jealous this girl is confident to say she is good looking. Jealousy is not very nice.

LegacyUser

donegalfella wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Goddamn thats so true what you said, I was with my g/f for a year and she was beautiful, sexy and cute. I wanted her when I layed eyes on her. When I got with her it was the same game as what you said people hitting on her etc. I couldn't think back to me being single and looking at her and what I thought when I layed eyes on her and hated the attention she was getting and accused her of flirting with fellas. Looking back I was completely wrong! That quote really hit home into what I was like.

gwhiz

Unregistered wrote: »

jesus the insults this girl gets cause she has a bit of confidence to say she is good looking. 'Your probably not that good looking, airhead, naive etc etc' ye are just jealous this girl is confident to say she is good looking. Jealousy is not very nice.

Eh sorry.... comments are absolutely nothing to do with jealously or the girl being goodlooking. Sure never met or laid eyes on the girl. Maybe I was a bit cruel in my last post but sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind... I would be genuinely worried for the girl if she just gives out her REAL phone number to strangers and her argument is that she has to give the real number because they might ring her phone there and then!! just politely say "no sorry im with someone" and if they become a nuisance then tell them to **** off. This girl needs to get streetwise....