Should i stay or go???

LegacyUser

ok been with my bf for 7 months now and we have a fantastic relationship BUT he has a little boy who hates me, the first time i met him he told his mother i hit him (which i obviously didnt) my bf says this is just him going through a phase and once he gets use to me he will be fine. 6 meetings with him later things have got SOOOOOOOO much worse he told his mother he hates me im always giving out to him and still insists i hit him. yesterday my bf called around to my house with his son, my nephew who is the same age was there and thought they might get along. he gave my nephew a black eye and while i was putting ice on this, the other lad got into my bathroom and destroyed it with make up and shampoo etc. i was fuming when they left i had a REALLY messy house and had to try explain to my sister y her son had a black eye.

The child is a brat who is never disciplined no matter what he does but i cant say anything to my bf as he is one of those parents that thinks the sun shines out of his kids ass!!! his son is never wrong apparently my nephew antaganised his son yesterday. Maybe its true but i'm wary????

I dont think me and his son are ever going to see eye to eye so should i stay with my bf and put up with this crap from a 6 year old or should i just end this now before things get out of hand. im really scared what this child is capable of!!!

Beruthiel

Well, with all certainty, if this childs father does not discipline him, then it will become far worse as the years pass.
You have no choice, sit your b/f down and tell him you understand that he loves his child, but all children need boundries and if he is not willing to pull his child up on his behaviour then you have no choice but to leave.
Best of luck.

PCPhoto

the daddy could be afraid of upsetting his son - so allows him to get away with everything .

seperated parents fight for the childs affection by being as nice/friendly as possible and allowing them things that the other parent might not. (hence spoiled little brats like you are faced with)

you could try talking to the child in front of his dad - make him admit something that he has done....be very nice and dont loose you temper at any time - sometimes these kids are just looking for a reaction.

best of luck

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

Oh My God!

That kid is some brat.

Surely the father should be able to control him somewhat. I think the child sounds out of control.

If you like the guy, tell him your concerns. It could just be a jealous phase for now. But still, that's your bf's problem to sort out. Why should you have to dealwith the verbal abuse.

Personally I'd stick with it as I'd hate a brat to get the best of me

Does the child live mainly with the mum?

nope my bf brushes it off with a simple "boys will be boys" and i feel i have no place to say anything to him about disciplining his own child.

i really like this guy, i no he is the one but jesus i cant take this kid anymore.

no they have joint custody of him which makes things hard i cant be bothered going over there when my bf has the kid, and im not allowing this child in my home anymore, i dont work 55 hours a week to pay a mortgage on a house this child has no respect for

carlybabe1

Hi OP, I reckon there are two avenues to explore, though personally I'd bypass the first but here it is, the next time that theres any mention of this child coming to your house, say very clearly "My house, My rules, if he disrespects my home I'll ask you both to leave"
IMO it laziness on Daddys' part that he doesnt discipline his son, nothing to do with not wanting to upset him. Proper parenting is hard work, and you have to be vigilant the whole time, its so much easier to let them run amok, especially in someone elses home. If I were you I would ask myself what kind of co-parent this man would be were you to have a child, undoubtedly you would end up doing all the work,and constantly being the bad guy. It may not sound like much of a big deal now, but trust me, when it happens its very frustrating, amongst other things.
The second (and my personal fav) is to cut him loose and dont look back, having kids is stressful enough, why would you want to put years on yourself over someone elses child, especially when that someone is a lazy parent

Taltos

OP - it seems like you have a real battle here - the biggest of which your bf is acting like a terrified child - easy to see who rules the roost there.

Many might not like this suggestion - but here goes...
"Your sis should ask the guardai to speak with the father and son over a violent assault with talk of charges etc.." - but make it clear to the guards that you do not want to go that route - I think this father/son combo need the fright of their damn lives.

But basically while your bf turns a blind eye to this behaviour you will not get a look-in. The son is making it very clear that he is the boss of you as well now - he knows damn well that if it ever came to a choice his father will choose him. Actually I bet this is what he is looking for.

So - if the father ignores you - will he ignore the guards???
Remember though - none of this was your idea.... Harsh I know, but it could also be a good-bye present - maybe the seriousness of how his son is destroying his life will sink in.

bluecell99

As has been said I would have the talk with you friend and make it crystal clear that things have to change or you walk.

But my guess is that it will continue on much the same path and ,as has been said also ,the parents try to make up to the child for the break up.

All the father is doing is making a huge stick to beat himself with as the years go by and you have to ask yourself do you want to be playing second fiddle and have your own home like some kind of battle zone.

Its up to him.If he cant see how this is affecting things then maybe you are better off looking for someone who can give you respect and commitment.

passive

Yeah, I'd probably walk, rather than drive myself crazy watching something like that. I hate seeing bad parenting at a distance, like in a shop, but having to deal with it on a regular basis without being able to fix things would drive me crazy. And since you're not together that long you're probably not in a position to tell him what to do...

Do him a favour though, and if you leave because of this, do let him know why. Maybe he'll sort the kid/his parenting out before the situation messes anything else up for him