Should I confront him or just leave it?

LegacyUser

Hiya,

Just wondering if I could get some input with this please; all my friends are settled down with long term boyfriends and are no help to me when it comes to these problems, as they've never gone through it themselves! Really just need some impartial (and maybe brutally honest) advice!

So to cut a (very) long story short, I work with a guy who I've had a bit of a thing for for a while now. Always got on great and a couple of people had asked me if something was happening between us as we always got on so well. On a work night out we ended up kissing, then one thing led to another and we went back to his. Now this was first time I'd ever done anything like that, I am definately not and never will be a one night stand type of girl. But I really liked him and he was giving me all the signals that he liked me back...anywho, we didn't actually end up sleeping together but may as well have; did everything else. Next morning I was absolutely mortified but it was ok, we laughed about it, kissed goodbye, sent a couple of texts back and forth (initiated by me) then nothing.

We didn't see each other again for a good while (different schedules), but on the next night out I just acted normal, didn't talk to him much. Then he ends up asking what the story with us is, says he likes me etc but that he thought I was ignoring him. We kiss again (that's all). I texted him a couple of days later yet hear nothing back. Decide to write it off even though I do like him, as I don’t want to be always doing the running.

Then last week we were out for drinks (noticing a pattern here?!) and he completely came on to me, holding my hand etc and then starts saying the usual "I really like you etc". Me being the big eejit that I am, I fell hook line and sinker for it and ended up kissing him again. The next day I was so mad at myself for letting myself get caught up in his crap after swearing to myself I wouldn't fall for it again. I know myself he doesn't actually like me and probably just sees me as a drunken back up.

Thing is I'm so tempted to text/ring and just ask flat out what he's playing at. He knows I like him and he's abusing that, trying it on and filling my head with stuff. But am I as much to blame for falling for it and giving in? And would it look slightly bunny boiler-esque to go telling him that it’s not fair to come on to me like he did, say he fancies me, then completely ignore me and pretend none of it happened? Would it be better just to leave it? Just doesn't seem fair to mess with people, you know?

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

Sounds like he liked you, got with you, you played it cool next time out, he took that as not interested till he was a bit pissed and got the courage to go for it again and risk rejection.

Sounds like he is in the dark as much as you and probably thinks you only kissed him as you were pissed.

At least that is my take.

Go for drink, have a chat and see what happens... you are right though, you cant carry on like this forever

Good luck.

"Go for drink" maybe they should try talking to each other without having to be drunk this time.

Beruthiel

ali_n wrote: »

I know myself he doesn't actually like me and probably just sees me as a drunken back up.

How do you know?
I mean, he has told you more than once he likes you and all you seem to be doing is blowing hot and cold.
He probably hasn't a clue whither you actually are really into him or not.
If you are, quit messing about and just ask him out on a date.

Oh The Humanity

I think this is just a case that he does like you but you are giving him mixed messages, as in you are kissing him and stuff and then going cold on him. He doesn't know where he stands.

I know you dont really either but listen its not a crime to like someone. Forget all this 'rules' b0ll0x that people go on with. It just causes confusion.

Tell him you like him and the two of you go out somewhere without drink involved, if that goes well, carry on for a few weeks, months until you know and trust him......

Its good to be cautious of your heart but being over cautious can see wasted opportunities!

Best o' luck!

LegacyUser

Hiya OP here

Thanks for the advice so far. It's funny that most people are getting the impression I'm blowing hot and cold with him, I never thought about like that before-thought he was the one messing me around. I was the one to text him after that first night, the second night it was me again and never even replied. I know basing it on text is stupid and possibly quite immature but it just seems he's into me when it suits him; I've made no secret of the fact that I like him, you know?

So say ye are right,and it's a case of crossed wires. What do I say to him to sraighten everything out?

Beruthiel

Phone him up and ask him if he is interested in going on a date with you.
It's as simple as that.

LegacyUser

I notice all the women are saying that he might be interested in you and that it was you blowing hot in cold. Ever seen that episode of "Sex and the City" - He's just not that in to you?

Well, that's what applies here I think. If a man is interested in a woman he will make it known. You went home with him - he knows you like him. What's more, you've texted him a couple of times and he didn't respond. That says it all. If he was interested in you he would have texted you. He didn't. He sees you as a drunken fumble...or potential drunken fumble.

My advice would be to delete his number. Don't snog him again and if he tries it on with you while out with drink in him call him on it! Tell him you're not into playing games and not into casual sex.

impr0v

The following isn't a very constructive comment.

For the love of gawd, are all the games really necessary? (applies to both parties involved)

silverwater

My thoughts are simply:

He said he likes you. You said you like him.
You tried to "play it cool" and he thought you were messing with him.
Now you think he's messing you around, it seems like you've changed sides.

And to fix the situation, well I would advise that you make some casual contact.
If he doesn't reply again, you know the situation without seeming desperate.
If he does, then it coul dhave just been crossed wires.

Noelleieos

Unregistered wrote: »

I notice all the women are saying that he might be interested in you and that it was you blowing hot in cold. Ever seen that episode of "Sex and the City" - He's just not that in to you?

Well, that's what applies here I think. If a man is interested in a woman he will make it known. You went home with him - he knows you like him. What's more, you've texted him a couple of times and he didn't respond. That says it all. If he was interested in you he would have texted you. He didn't. He sees you as a drunken fumble...or potential drunken fumble.

My advice would be to delete his number. Don't snog him again and if he tries it on with you while out with drink in him call him on it! Tell him you're not into playing games and not into casual sex.

I agree, although he could just be a very difficult man, but the best thing for you to do now is forget about him, if he does have any interest in you let him do the running. Maybe delete his number to get rid of temptation and don't give him the opportunity to get you when yer drunk.

melahide

Generally speaking I would also say that he likes you and he doesn´t know how you feel about him. And maybe he is a type of man who likes it if girls do the running. My advice: Try to do something with him, where no alcohol is involved - invite him for dinner at your place.

The second possibility could be, that he likes every girl (and everyone) when he is drunk and afterwards he can´t remember no more.

MissHoneyBun

I was going to suggest that you act maturely about this and be honest about your intentions but I'll go with

-Quit yo jibba jabber OP! Don't be babblin' like a foool, say what you gotta say that's all! Then shut yore dang piehole!

[/Mr T]

_blank_

From reading the OP, I don't think it reads as her "blowing hot and cold", at least twice she initiated text contact after the night before, and the second time he never got back to her at all.

gudbuzz

in all honesty if he liked u he would have asked u out. im in a fairly similar situation myself. think about it.. u just know when a guy likes u! because he makes it obvious, even in a subtle way. hes making u feel used and u wouldnt be feeling that if it wasnt the case. try to distance ur self from him at the next drinks scenario, if he does like u he can ask u out when hes sober. and if he doesnt its his loss. good luck!

LegacyUser

TBH he doesn't sound terribly interested.

But for the craic and to CALL HIS BLUFF - send one text: Hi _ do you fancy a drink? (coffee whatever).

And there's your answer.

No shame is being straight about it.