Is my brother mentally handicapped?

LegacyUser

This might seem a bit strange or cruel but I'm genuinely worried about it. My brother is 31 years old but I wonder if he has some sort of mental disability. We've never gotten on and as I've got older I've just tried to avoid him. However lately I've started to think about it and I'm worried he might be have some sort of problem.

The reason it's taken me so long to come to this conclusion is that he doesn't have a specific extreme symptom. He isn't very bright but he still finished school, he has very poor empathy and social skills but can still hold light conversation. It's very hard to pinpoint and in the past I've always just thought of him as bit thick or an idiot. He gets scammed out of money, fails to follow basic instructions, has almost zero friends, has been fired for incompetence, is accident prone and often will make the same mistake multiple times. I could go on with lots of little idiocies he commits and on their own they would be fine but he seems to have a do something stupid on a weekly basis.

Again, I'm not being cruel here but could there be some kind of underlying mental condition that is responsible for his behaviour? At the moment he only gets by in life because my mother constantly yells at him and has to regularly check he hasn't lost all his money or hasn't decided to just eat crisps all week. If he hasn't learnt by now, will he ever? It's not like he hasn't been given a good education, he's gotten both the carrot and stick from school, family and work.

How would I go about convincing him to see someone? Perhaps if we found out there was something wrong with him we could help him.

username123

He could have some kind of mild autism - a large number of the general population do and they manage just fine, never diagnosed.

Why would putting a label on it make you feel any better? Its unlikely that there is much can be done for it if it is some kind of mental disability.

Have you spoken to your mother about it?

wylo

youve pretty much described an old friend of mine, while I havent talked to him years I hear he still sometimes acts in that manner, clumsy, loses things, gets let go from jobs, poor social skills (he always says the wrong thing at the wrong time to people, and it makes them either offended or just think hes weird).

He was never any good at anything, school, sports, music, except for one thing and that was general knowledge, he was always handy at quizzes and gameshows.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend of mine who works with Autistic children, and described him to her, she told me he could very well be autistic without knowing it.
But if it makes you feel any better, this same guy is now in his early 30s, nearly finished a degree, and is seeing a girl for 2 years now, so he did improve alot in the past 2 or 3 years. Maybe yout brother just needs to meet someone that'll take care of him and give him a kick up the arse.

liah

Okay, apparently I can't suggest Aspergers even though everyone else is suggesting autism...

aare

liah wrote: »

Aspergers?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

I was going to say that.

It's not a "Mental Handicap", just a difference, but, if it is identified and he sees the right person (as in, someone who actually understands Asperger Syndrome) he may be able to get a lot of help to improve his quality of life.

LegacyUser

I've a brother a bit like that. He can only absorb so much information...you can see the blankness in his eyes when you're telling him something. Says really stupid things at times which can be embarrassing. He makes up things too, he's just such a liar! His marriage broke up recently 'cos of his inability to hold down jobs. He seems to either jack jobs in or is laid off, we never know for sure as he doesn't tell the truth. He can be very aggressive too at times. He had problems with his new phone last week-it wouldn't store much info so he went back to the shop with it. I asked him what they said to him and he kept avoiding answering..clearly, he didn't absorb it. I asked was the memory card the problem, if it was big enough. He said he has a 5gb(?) one and it was fine and that he took it out of his last phone. It turned out it was the sim card he was on about. This phone doesn't work with a memory card. That's only an example.
I don't know about him being mentally handicapped as he can read well and has learned to drive (which I am amazed at). I would imagine he just has extremely low intelligence.

stupidusername

It does sound like it's Aspergers. But I think whatever it is, even if it can't be defined it certainly won't help matters you calling him 'not very bright', if you read a lot on the Autistic spectrum you'll see that it doesn't actually directly have anything to do with IQ. It's just a different type of life, that probably suits him quite well. If he manages fine then you should leave him be, but it might be the case that he needs someone to keep a check on him, that he pays his bills, and eats well etc, as he probably doesn't see them as important. You might also want to talk to your family about this, because it's unfair to be shouting at him for things that he can't help.

And to just address wylo who said he may just need a kick up the arse... how do you think that's going to help someone with a condition like Aspergers? What he could need is a person to help him, and direct him. I'm amazed at how little tolerance people have for conditions such like these, and the ignorance.

To the OP, a diagnosis won't actually lead to a solution necessarily, it might just make the way he is seem a little bit more understandable. And could help give you and your family a little more interest in helping him, rather than putting him down.

Darthhoob

my son has aspergers and it does sound like your brother is on the spectrum by the info you told us. the problem is though that many people have autistic traits so it can be hard to diagnose...especially higher functioning or aspergers. i dont suppose you know this but did he have any language delay as a child? as 'generally' the difference between aspergers and autism is aspergers dont tend to have problems learning to talk (they just dont bloody shut up in my experience lol), they also tend to have average to high IQ...whereas autism may have lower IQ (not always) and tend to take longer learning to communicate by talking. the thing is PLENTY of adults go under the net as they 'seem' to muddle through life seemingly fine, mainly due to the lack of knowledge of ASD back in the day and a stricter more structered schooling. ofc they will still have the problems there but were probably just thought of as weird. tbh getting a diagnosis would only be upto your brother (and parents) and would not help very much with things (only due to the fact there is near to no help for autistic people ..especially adults)..except certain benefits possibly. i wouldn't call it a label though, more an explaination.

edited to add that i wasn't saying a diagnosis is a waste of time lol. but ofc that will be up to your bro and parents. i think you should read up on the issue..here is a good forum for advice

http://www.asdfriendly.org/board/index.php?http://www.asdfriendly.org/board/

and perhaps bring the issue up with your parents (they are probably wondering the same as you anyway in all honesty..and as they brought him up may shed some light on how he was as a kid).