BF and Lapdancing

LegacyUser

I have been with my bf for just over a year now. We were friends for 2+ years before that. I always knew he liked going to lapdancing clubs, asked him why and he said he gets turned on by the women showing it all off to strangers, as well as being a total boob man! When we got together, I saw no reason to ask him to stop. He's always very open about it, telling me when/where he's going, etc. There IS some physical contact involved (which I didn't know before!) - the girl usually grinds off his c*ck with her bum and/or hand and he's often allowed to touch the girl a bit as well, the time I went with him to check it out, he rubbed between her legs and squeezed her nipples. That's as far as it ever goes he tells me. I don't see any of this as cheating as he's always honest about what he does. Am I mad for allowing him to do this or are other people cool with it as well?

Piste

I think it's really cool of you that you don't have a problem with it. I can't stand girls who try and control their boyfriend's every move. As long as you have no problem with it then it's all fine, I bet he'd be less likely to cheat too as he doesn't feel confined by you.

kippy

One has to ask, what lapdancing club in this country (I assume you are in Ireland) allows this level of contact?? (That is a rhetorical question, not aimed at finding out the club name, but intended to highlight the potential questions many would have about this post)


If you on the line, fair enough but I do believe if you are to remain with this guy, he should reduce the amount of times he goes to these clubs until it is completely removed from his life (unless hes with mates/stags etc).
He shouldnt really need this level of stimulation with a full time partner at home.

LegacyUser

kippy wrote: »

One has to ask, what lapdancing club in this country (I assume you are in Ireland) allows this level of contact?? (That is a rhetorical question, not aimed at finding out the club name, but intended to highlight the potential questions many would have about this post)


If you on the line, fair enough but I do believe if you are to remain with this guy, he should reduce the amount of times he goes to these clubs until it is completely removed from his life (unless hes with mates/stags etc).
He shouldnt really need this level of stimulation with a full time partner at home.

We live abroad at the moment, he did go to these clubs in Ireland but I guess the contact was limited or forbidden altogether. We have a very good sex life but he just enjoys this other aspect as well.

peekyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

I have been with my bf for just over a year now. We were friends for 2+ years before that. I always knew he liked going to lapdancing clubs, asked him why and he said he gets turned on by the women showing it all off to strangers, as well as being a total boob man! When we got together, I saw no reason to ask him to stop. He's always very open about it, telling me when/where he's going, etc. There IS some physical contact involved (which I didn't know before!) - the girl usually grinds off his c*ck with her bum and/or hand and he's often allowed to touch the girl a bit as well, the time I went with him to check it out, he rubbed between her legs and squeezed her nipples. That's as far as it ever goes he tells me. I don't see any of this as cheating as he's always honest about what he does. Am I mad for allowing him to do this or are other people cool with it as well?

wow that's very ....open-minded of you. Personally I wouldn't be happy with my boyfriend touching another woman's cha cha and feeling her t*ts but each to their own. If you're happy with it then so be it, good for you!

R.D. aka MR.D

would you have a problem with it if it was just a girl he met on the street?

as everyone has said each to their own but don't put up with anything that deep down makes you feel uncomfortable. You deserve a man who needs only you to be stimulated.

star-pants

It's up to yourself really, some people here will say 'that's fantastic I'd love to be with someone like you' and others will say 'no way would I be comfortable with it.'
I'd be of the latter, whatever about stags/birthdays there being a strippery type dancer lady, but I would not be comfortable knowing the guy was touching her and/or seeing them on a regular basis.

Chucky the tree

Bring the him along to some male strip club and spend the night grabbing their cocks and see how he reacts. If he's fine with it fair play to him, cos I certainly wouldnt be.

Also, if I had a gf who didnt mind me touching up a stripper I'd still never do it anyway as I think it shows a huge lack of respect. Tbh I doubt you really are cool with it, as if you were you wouldnt be asking this here.

Dizzyblonde

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but in my opinion this sort of thing is not good for a relationship. If he respected you and valued the relationship he wouldn't be doing it.
If he's the kind of guy who'll always want to do this then you have to ask yourself whether you want to settle for him or do you deserve better. I'm thinking you deserve a lot better

Bottle_of_Smoke

I can see the appeal for both of you. He's getting his instinctive kicks out of his system with a woman he's never going to have an emotional relationship with.

I'd say go with it. If it was prostitution I'd say no way but I think a lapdance is far closer to him watching porn.

Toots

Unregistered wrote: »

I have been with my bf for just over a year now. We were friends for 2+ years before that. I always knew he liked going to lapdancing clubs, asked him why and he said he gets turned on by the women showing it all off to strangers, as well as being a total boob man! When we got together, I saw no reason to ask him to stop. He's always very open about it, telling me when/where he's going, etc. There IS some physical contact involved (which I didn't know before!) - the girl usually grinds off his c*ck with her bum and/or hand and he's often allowed to touch the girl a bit as well, the time I went with him to check it out, he rubbed between her legs and squeezed her nipples. That's as far as it ever goes he tells me. I don't see any of this as cheating as he's always honest about what he does. Am I mad for allowing him to do this or are other people cool with it as well?

Horses for courses I suppose. If it works for you and you're both happy then there's no reason to change things. You obviously have a very honest and trusting relationship, so no, I wouldn't say you're mad for allowing him to do this.

I mean on one side you have couples who swing, and on the other you have people who freak out if they find out their partner's got a dirty magazine hidden under the bed. It's all about what's right for your relationship, and each relationship is unique, so if you've got something that works for you the old adage "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." would apply.

ellie1

I understand from your post that you are happyfor your boyfriend to go out and pay to touch womens boobs and their vajajas.
Whats wrong with him just having your body parts to touch and play with?

I have no problem with men going to lap dancing clubs however going on regular visits to them to me signifys some type of obsession. There is a difference with going on sta nights or on a mates birthday but going to a lap dance club as a replacement for socialilising seems weird to me.

if my bf was spending his money (and its expensive enough) to cop a feel of a naked women on a regular basis i would not be happy.

Aditionally, he could go to night clubs where there are plenty of women who are skimply clad showing off there hot bodies dancing.
Would this turn him on?

Another thing his needs were intially met by looking at lap dancers now he meets his needs by touching hot women.
Will he need to do more to meet his future needs.?

There is a massive difference between looking at hot women and getting turned on and paying hot women to turn you on.

Teferi

ellie1 wrote: »

I have no problem with men going to lap dancing clubs however going on regular visits to them to me signifys some type of obsession.

Check your boyfriends bookmarks and history...You might be (un)pleasantly surprised by his obsession with porn sites.

OP - fair play. If you're both happy then that's all that matters.

ellie1

another thing is his need was intially met by looking at hot women in ireland. Now abroad he is touching lap dancers to meet his needs. His future needs may increase...

G-Money

I don't know about this. I'm male and I've been to a few lap dancing clubs in my day but I was always single at the time so it never really mattered.

To be honest though, if I was seeing a girl I highly doubt I'd be making regular trips to them though. I don't even go now when I'm single.

It's cool that you say you are ok with it, but I'm suspecting you are not 100% ok with it, otherwise you wouldn't be asking about it on here.

Occasionally guys will go to strip clubs maybe on the odd lads night out or whatever. As long as nothing happens, I think this is ok as it's not a regular occurance. Besides women probably go to male strip shows as well so from that point of view it probably balances out.

The fact that he goes so often is a bit unusual I think. Maybe it's just a particular turn on or fetish or something that he has. If so, I guess as long as he doesn't do anything with them, its no big deal. This is assuming you are ok with it of course as well. If it turns out it's not just a fetish or fantasy etc, or if you are unhappy about it, then something needs to be discussed.