I don't know

LegacyUser

broke up with my boyfriend a little over a month ago trying to move on and this weekend is the only weekend i havent been out since... so im sitting at home and driving myself crazy thinking about him etc.. i dont want to get back with him there was nothing there for me anymore... i just need some advice on how to make it easier...moving on...

iv joined a tag rugby team for the summer so that should be something new and something to take my mind off it...i just need something to preoccupy my mind... id be perfectly fine if i was out or at cinema or at friends house but i cant be dragging them out every weekend they have OH to see.. ha!

but then i feel depressed sitting at home doing nothing with my parents and then they would start to ask awkward questions but yet any guy that has shown interest i havent exactly been wanting to go on a date with them either to preoccupy myself!! whats the problem here???

im goin in circles.. my mind is so weird.. i could cry yet laugh coz i know im being silly for being upset for not having something to do.... grr......

LegacyUser

i don't know how useful my advice will be but just wanted to say i really feel the same at the moment as you do.

slightly different circumstances as my OH has gone to australia for a year but still sitting in and thinking about them is really hard probably because thats all you are doing is thinking!!

things are so much easier when we keep busy and keep preoccupied without sitting down to think about things. maybe when you stay in you could try to still keep your mind busy by watching a good dvd or looking up something to plan for the future e.g. college, postgrad,courses,holidays etc., even cleaning your room or something simple like that can pass enough time so that you dont find yourself watching the clock and thinking that the night is never going to end!

at least you are sure that you have made the right decision for YOU and maybe when things start to bother you, you should remind yourself of this and of all the positive things that have come with your decision:)

as for not being interested in other lads give yourself a bit of time, even though you knew it was right to end the last relationship we all still need a bit of time to heal and fix ourselves before moving on to the next (and hopefully for you, better) thing:)

good luck:)

Otis Driftwood

Jeez,stop been so hard on yourself.Its only been a month.

These things take time.You are right to get yourself involved with activities,it will help take your mind off things.

The hurt/sadness will seem to overwhealm you at times but it does pass.

Focus on yourself and when the memories come back,embrace them,but remember ye split for a reason.

It will get easier,it will just take time.

Take care of yourself.

LegacyUser

A little over a month isnt really a long time but how long were you going out with your ex and what age are use?

I know you said that there wasnt anything there for you anymore in your relationship but what was it that you said to your ex during the breakup? How did he take the breakup? How was your relationship all in all, did use get on together or argue alot? Have use been in much contact since the breakup?

Im only asking the about the length of the relationship and your ages because lately I have heard alot of women breaking up with a guy after they were together for a substantial amount of time and when the relationship became kind of comfortable, routine, boring, just best of friends this has been confused with not actually been love anymore and further down the road these feelings have turned into regret. Maybe call it grass is greener.

Dont get me wrong I'm not saying that this is what is happening in your situation, I think you must have been really brave to be so certain and end your relationship but I'm just curious about the finer details.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

the relationship became kind of comfortable, routine, boring, just best of friends this has been confused with not actually been love anymore and further down the road these feelings have turned into regret. Maybe call it grass is greener.

thats exactly what im afraid of..we were going out nearly three years and early 20's but the last year and half were boring monotonous same old same old, no sex...!!! i dont think he once did something nice for me in that time frame..it was always me doing things for him and i said it to him many times and he said the same thing every time and never did it.. so i gave him plenty chances and finally it was the last straw..so thats why i am so certain it was the end i knew i couldnt go on like that forever. it got boring he was taking me for granted that i was always gonna be there even if he didnt try or put in any effort so i just said eff this im off and he didnt believe me thought i would never go through with it but now a month later im still single...and relatively happy about it except for when i have time to think about it...

he took it grand to begin with but then a week later when he was back to work in a different county and away from all his friends he started to realise oh god she's really gone and he had no one to ring anymore at night or no one texting him...and started texting me every day and i text him back at first because technically he did nothing wrong so i couldnt bring myself to be mean to him and plus i wanted to be friends because we did get on really well but now all of a sudden he's textin everyday without fail and im worrying he has his wires crossed i told him that maybe again sometime in the future when he had a chance to grow up a bit we would see but for now defo no way... and he was like i am defo gonna try i gonna move back down to where we both live etc i was like thats total stupidity...and he is all eager and texting and trying etc to get me back... and then i was on his facebook last night and it was like "interetsed in: women" which is totally not like him... hes not that kinda guy... he wouldnt be that forward...just chatty..and it got me thinking he was just copying "the boys" and what he thinks he should be doing...he's not trying to get the relationship back..i thought it was really immature to post that there...it would be fine if it was a nasty break up but it wasnt so he had no reason to try to hurt me (which that did) other than just wanting to be as cool as the boys and let people know the break up is not bothering him...when it is....and here was i avoiding updating my bebo page with pics from a great few weekends iv had out since the split out of respect for him and courtesy to him because i didnt want to hurt his feelings like...what a muppet..

im not saying he shouldnt move on..iv kissed a few people since and i hope he has too..it was just spiteful to post it there like a big man when i know him and i know hes not like that hes just trying to be one of the boys...dickhead!!!!!!!!!! especially when he's texting me everyday begging...so iv deceided it prob not healthy to be texting him all the time so when he text me this morning after his nyt out last nyt i just said "listen i dont know why you are texting me so much you say you want to try but your not..stop texting me so much..you say on facebook your interested in women ..you should be texting them not me..i just want to be friends i dont want either of us to be expecting anything more..." and he didnt text back..he'l probly text back tomorrow when he's back at work in a diferent county and there is no one to keep him occupied....i didnt thell him that i thought it was really immature but it has kind of reinforced in my head why i broke up with him in the first place...

i hope i dont regret it, i probably will...but i cant go back there now iv had enough...

sorry about the rant..

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

the relationship became kind of comfortable, routine, boring, just best of friends this has been confused with not actually been love anymore and further down the road these feelings have turned into regret. Maybe call it grass is greener.

thats exactly what im afraid of..we were going out nearly three years and early 20's but the last year and half were boring monotonous same old same old, no sex...!!! i dont think he once did something nice for me in that time frame..it was always me doing things for him and i said it to him many times and he said the same thing every time and never did it.. so i gave him plenty chances and finally it was the last straw..so thats why i am so certain it was the end i knew i couldnt go on like that forever. it got boring he was taking me for granted that i was always gonna be there even if he didnt try or put in any effort so i just said eff this im off and he didnt believe me thought i would never go through with it but now a month later im still single...and relatively happy about it except for when i have time to think about it...

he took it grand to begin with but then a week later when he was back to work in a different county and away from all his friends he started to realise oh god she's really gone and he had no one to ring anymore at night or no one texting him...and started texting me every day and i text him back at first because technically he did nothing wrong so i couldnt bring myself to be mean to him and plus i wanted to be friends because we did get on really well but now all of a sudden he's textin everyday without fail and im worrying he has his wires crossed i told him that maybe again sometime in the future when he had a chance to grow up a bit we would see but for now defo no way... and he was like i am defo gonna try i gonna move back down to where we both live etc i was like thats total stupidity...and he is all eager and texting and trying etc to get me back... and then i was on his facebook last night and it was like "interetsed in: women" which is totally not like him... hes not that kinda guy... he wouldnt be that forward...just chatty..and it got me thinking he was just copying "the boys" and what he thinks he should be doing...he's not trying to get the relationship back..i thought it was really immature to post that there...it would be fine if it was a nasty break up but it wasnt so he had no reason to try to hurt me (which that did) other than just wanting to be as cool as the boys and let people know the break up is not bothering him...when it is....and here was i avoiding updating my bebo page with pics from a great few weekends iv had out since the split out of respect for him and courtesy to him because i didnt want to hurt his feelings like...what a muppet..

im not saying he shouldnt move on..iv kissed a few people since and i hope he has too..it was just spiteful to post it there like a big man when i know him and i know hes not like that hes just trying to be one of the boys...dickhead!!!!!!!!!! especially when he's texting me everyday begging...so iv deceided it prob not healthy to be texting him all the time so when he text me this morning after his nyt out last nyt i just said "listen i dont know why you are texting me so much you say you want to try but your not..stop texting me so much..you say on facebook your interested in women ..you should be texting them not me..i just want to be friends i dont want either of us to be expecting anything more..." and he didnt text back..he'l probly text back tomorrow when he's back at work in a diferent county and there is no one to keep him occupied....i didnt thell him that i thought it was really immature but it has kind of reinforced in my head why i broke up with him in the first place...

i hope i dont regret it, i probably will...but i cant go back there now iv had enough...

sorry about the rant..

Victor

Poster, can you consider other people when posting - some people have reading difficulties. Its not too hard to make sentences and paragraphs. Post like this and paeople may just skip over your post.