making a huge mistake?

LegacyUser

Please bare with me as I need to explain a bit.
Couple years ago turned thirty and single after a relationship breakup.
Decided to bite the bullet and did as ye all advice here: internet dating, joining clubs.
Joined a club and didn’t like the people at all, mostly women and the few men were saddos mostly, the very few decent men were the centre of attention and competition was fierce.
Anyway I put up with it as it was the only way to meet new people.
Dated a few men.
With one, one thing led to another and we hit it off and things went very very serious very quickly from there.
He’s not bad looking, he is a bit older and very experienced and things are great in bed.
Things are going well, I should be happy but I keep thinking, has he settled and have I settled.
I know he dated a few women I knew before we hit it off and keep thinking maybe I wasn’t his first choice?
He keeps saying that it’s very hard as you age if you are lonely.
I keep thinking about that rabobank ad a few years ago where your man said do you want to be me second best?
That’s how I feel sometimes.
Should ask him to take it slow till I figure out if he is the one I want to seriously plan a future with ?
But I look back to when I was single and it was so hard out there.
Spending a fortune in going out clothes and make up, taxis, having a bit of a kiss and giving out my number and then spending Sunday hoping for a text.
I don’t want to go back to that.
Now I stay in with him and have a bottle of wine, no more pressure and BS.
My friends say you are so lucky, so I should be happy shouldn’t I?

LegacyUser

hello, look im only a lad in my mid 20s so take my advise as you will, i think your totally over thinking things. thinking about that ad is just silly, if his been with a few woman and is happy with you than he must think your some what of a find. best of luck

bluecell99

yes you should be happy.Life aint perfect.But you have a damn sight more than many.You can clearly recall the lonely nights and the wishin and hopin.

All that happening now is a little part of you is holding back from the commitment just in case there could be someone/something better out there.

there probably isnt.Enjoy and relax and spare a thought for us singles heading out in about an hours time

Tinchy

i think if you have to ask that question you know youself that somethings wrong.
maybe you just need to take it slower, dont think your second best to anyone. hes with you

Hedone

if u're happy & feel safe wit him why not give it a try ? u wont lose anythin. just dont feel tat u need to desperately hold on to him cause u wont find anyone else cause its better off to b alone rather than in a non-happy relationship

take ur time & see where things will go

LegacyUser

bluecell99 wrote: »

yes you should be happy.Life aint perfect.But you have a damn sight more than many.You can clearly recall the lonely nights and the wishin and hopin.

All that happening now is a little part of you is holding back from the commitment just in case there could be someone/something better out there.

there probably isnt.Enjoy and relax and spare a thought for us singles heading out in about an hours time

So your saying that she should embrace mediocrity because of her fear of being single?

gimme5minutes

Unregistered wrote: »

So your saying that she should embrace mediocrity because of her fear of being single?

Life isn't a hollywood movie, she has to make a decision if she wants to stay with this guy and not have to deal with all bs of trying to find a relationship or else leave him and take her chances where she could find someone she likes more but nothing is guaranteed, she mightn't find anything better and her options will keep decreasing as she gets older.

krudler

doubting wrote: »

Please bare with me as I need to explain a bit.
Couple years ago turned thirty and single after a relationship breakup.
Decided to bite the bullet and did as ye all advice here: internet dating, joining clubs.
Joined a club and didn’t like the people at all, mostly women and the few men were saddos mostly, the very few decent men were the centre of attention and competition was fierce.
Anyway I put up with it as it was the only way to meet new people.
Dated a few men.
With one, one thing led to another and we hit it off and things went very very serious very quickly from there.
He’s not bad looking, he is a bit older and very experienced and things are great in bed.
Things are going well, I should be happy but I keep thinking, has he settled and have I settled.
I know he dated a few women I knew before we hit it off and keep thinking maybe I wasn’t his first choice?
He keeps saying that it’s very hard as you age if you are lonely.
I keep thinking about that rabobank ad a few years ago where your man said do you want to be me second best?
That’s how I feel sometimes.
Should ask him to take it slow till I figure out if he is the one I want to seriously plan a future with ?
But I look back to when I was single and it was so hard out there.
Spending a fortune in going out clothes and make up, taxis, having a bit of a kiss and giving out my number and then spending Sunday hoping for a text.
I don’t want to go back to that.
Now I stay in with him and have a bottle of wine, no more pressure and BS.
My friends say you are so lucky, so I should be happy shouldn’t I?

To be frank, yeah you should, did you ever think all those people doing exactly what you dont want to do are looking for exactly what you have? By your reasoning nobody should accept anyone becuase they "settle" but at the same time you dont want to be out looking for someone new, you cant have it both ways,so either stop wasting this guys time and go back out and into the dating pond to see what losers you land or take the guy whos good in bed, you get on with and dont put up with any **** from

kittenkiller

Why don't you head out into town some night with your girlfriends and pretend that you're single again (only without the kissing randomers ).
Flirt, get chatted up, see who's out there...

You'll either be gagging to get home to your good man by the end of the night or know that you're only settling and that you should call things off.

Don't worry about his feelings, ask him outright *once*.
Respect him enough to believe he's not lying to you about something so sensitive.

Best of luck.

bluecell99

Unregistered wrote: »

So your saying that she should embrace mediocrity because of her fear of being single?

LOL!!Hopefully the OP can make sense of this