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Advice

  • 08-05-2009 6:13pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    My boyfriend lets me down constantly. He always says something and then does the complete opposite. We've been together 4 years and I'm at the point of total frustration and exhaustion with him. I don't believe a word he says anymore. I don't know if there's reason to go on without total trust?


Comments

  • #2
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    How have you managed to put up with this for 4 years?
    Come on - from the brief intro above it sounds like he is taking you for granted big time.

    Have you talked to him about how you feel?
    If not and you want a future with this guy then you need to get this sorted before it is too late. If though you have spoken and he has clearly understood - as lets face it - sometimes us guys do not get subtlety... and has still not changed then it might be time to chalk this up to experience and move on.


  • #3
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    Agreed,

    how can you be with someone for that long and be unhappy a lot of the time?
    You guys need to talk about this, the issues bothering you in a big way are only going to build up and get worse. You seem to have already lost trust, and that's not good. Without trust there's not much point.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    hi, you obviously love him and thats the problem. i posted a thread earlier, found out my boyfriend of one and a half years scored his ex exactly a year ago. we've been thru so much since then, like our trust was only starting then and as much as i know i should just break up with him and that i deserve better i know how genuinely honest we are with each other now. you situation is differnt i know, but how about going on a break and testing the water? my friend was with her bf for amost four years and they split ...she went a bit mad say with other guys and stuff but..... and now they are back together and the break did them honestly the world of good. my advice is go on a break and think about it. you deserve to be treated properly.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I feel that things have gotten worse already. I cry every other day. It's hard to just bring up things, especially when some of them have happened ages ago! Even the thought of a break scares me. I don't know where I'd go, as I live with him. I don't have any friends I can talk to or go to. Things are never simple :(


  • #6
    ellie1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 360 ✭✭ellie1


    unregistered3 wrote: »
    I feel that things have gotten worse already. I cry every other day. It's hard to just bring up things, especially when some of them have happened ages ago! Even the thought of a break scares me. I don't know where I'd go, as I live with him. I don't have any friends I can talk to or go to. Things are never simple :(

    Its quite simple.

    1) you choose to be with somebody you dont trust because you are too afraid to be alone.

    2) you choose to end it with somebody you dont trust because you feel you deserve better.

    The choice of staying or ending it is yours. Fear of being alone is never a reason to stay with somebody.


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  • #7
    bluecell99
    Closed Accounts Posts: 259 ✭✭bluecell99


    Why are you still with him?What happened your independence as a person?Are you so completely obsessed with him that you have no friends?Everything else has gone.If this is the correct interpretation then please see a professional.He or she is the only one who can help you thru this,step by step.

    Because ,OP,when you can see the massive problem (as you clearly can at one level) but are unable to take the corrective action the you have a problem.

    But you can be helped.You just have to open up - as you have here.

    Make the call tomorrow morning.Plan for the future.


  • #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP,

    Your posts are quite short so it is hard to tell exactly what is going on. You seem to feel very 'trapped' and like you can't change the situation you are in. Trust me - can really can.

    Like another poster has said perhaps consult a counsellor if you don't feel like you can talk to anyone. Perhaps a parent even (i know sometimes it can be daunting admitting we have problems to our parents but once you get everything off your chest you will probably feel alot better for it)

    Keeping everything in is just not working for you. You need to regain some self belief and self confindence, if we don't have this then others can take advantage of that - like your boyfriend.


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