8 Months have passed. Ex is still having a go

LegacyUser

Hi All

My Ex dumped me via a text about 8 months ago (Via "we need a long break") and then tried to get back with me 2 weeks later to which I said No .I told her I don't wanna be in a relationship anymore. We were on the rocks for a good while so I decided that it was probably for the best

Shes is good mates with a few friends of friends / partners or friends etc

When ever she hears something about me (IE me being with a Girl) I get a text and an aggressive text at that.

Standard procedure for me is to just ignore this. but lately its been really bugging me. She has told people (my friends, family, work colleges) that I am stalking her. I don't care about her telling mates and family as much as I do work people.

Should I talk to her? My feeling is that I am not with her anymore therefore I do not have to put up with that kind of crap from her and I really don't want to see or talk to her ever again.

Has anyone else here been in a similar situation?
What did you do?

Wibbs

I haven't had this particular one, but my advice when people pull this guff is to scrape them off without mercy. Do not reply to her texts or calls. Do not engage her beyond a polite hello or goodbye. That would be it.

magick

when she gets attention from you, it empowers her, best to completely cut her out of your life all together

ellie1

Do not respond in any way at all. She is trying to provoke a reaction from you. She will probably continue for a while but eventually your lack of response will mean that she will stop .

Be honest with other people and if necessary show them the texts she sends you and tell then you dont respond. Eventually the truth comes out , it always does.

star-pants

That is weird.... I had that, a little before(in the sense I was in your position). I tried to talk to them about it but it just ended up me hearing nasty things. In the end block/ignore/etc was the only way to go.
Don't respond, don't say anything, if you bump into her or something a nod is enough. If you can, I'd change my mobile number.

AngryBadger

Don't respond to her at all just blank her completely.

If this is still going on after 8 months I'd guess you've responded in some shape or form. Don't do that. Ignore any communications you get, just delete them, if people start mentioning anything that she's said/claimed just tell them you've no idea what they're talking about, you haven't heard from this person in X number of months and are happy to keep things that way.

This is the only way to get people like this off your back, any engagement at all on your part will only encourage more of this behaviour.

dreamlogic

If she's made up stories about you stalking her then that sounds like a person who can't be reasoned with anyway so talking to her would be a waste of time. It would only give her what she wants - her ego has been bruised by the way the breakup went and she probably wants to hurt you back somehow - no good would come of it.

I would go with the idea of changing your phone number if you can at all. Also that way your family and friends will know (or be able the guess) that she is the one who has been harrassing.

Nerin

You can simply tell your ex, in a clear and concise manner whats what, then disengage.

it may be uncomfortable to explain things or talk to them, and you might not feel you owe them anything, or you may feel you are right to completely ignore them, but it the nice thing to do. at least then you can hold your hands up and honestly say you tried.

also op, that sucks, being dumped via text i mean. in the perfect world people would at least have the decency to talk to you face to face. when i was a kid maybe it was acceptable, i don't know, but its not in adult life.

good luck anyway, hope things work out.

Taltos

Maybe I am just nasty but I would seek legal advice.
What happens if her next claim is to the gardai???

maxxie

yeah remember waynes world! Wayne had the crazy ex girlfriend.





yeah your wayne :pac:

easyeason3

Taltos wrote: »

Maybe I am just nasty but I would seek legal advice.
What happens if her next claim is to the gardai???

I had to go to the Guards about an ex of mine. Same kinda story as yourself & no matter where I went he turned up too. Anyway went down to the cop shop, batted my eyelashes & told the Guard my story.

The next day the ex had a visit from them to say a complaint had been made & that they'll be watching him. The calls, texts & following me stopped for a while. I still get the odd text or e-mail but I delete it without responding to it.

bluecell99

Was just about to say that OP.Be very careful.You never know what she could say or do.She sounds unhinged to be perfectly honest.Make sure your friends and family know what she is is saying;what she is like.I would not delay in dealing with it.A High Court summons for criminal slander might put paid to her little gallop.Remember bullies and people like this only get worse as long as you fail to act!Believe me they are gone like snow from a ditch when you staert fighting back.For your own sake do not be a passive, nice guy here.Deal with her.

nesbitt

If I were in your shoes, I would certainly seek legal advice about her telling work colleagues that 'you are stalking her'. This is IMO a very sinister thing for her to do.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all of your replies

I will avoid legal action.
That would just make things messy.

So basically I will just keep ignoring it and hope to god she goes away

moco

nesbitt wrote: »

If I were in your shoes, I would certainly seek legal advice about her telling work colleagues that 'you are stalking her'. This is IMO a very sinister thing for her to do.

I had the exact same thing except I'm a girl. I worked with him and he told people so many lies and told people I constantly called and texted him when it was the opposite. People who knew us knew he was lying but any new staff believed him as he was straight in there when they started trying to poison them against me.

It took a long time but I just completely balnked him and didn't respond to anything he did and it eventually stopped.

Toots

I agree with those saying to ignore her completely. No matter what she says, or how angry she makes you, don't respond to texts, and don't answer any of her calls. I would however, keep a diary of the calls and texts, and any reports of her bad mouthing her to your friends/family/colleagues. If she keeps it up after a few more months, I'd say head down to the Garda Station and ask them is there anything they can do. I was in a slightly similar situation to you, was being stalked by some random person, not an ex, and was keeping a diary of all the calls and texts, the Gardai said this was a good idea. In the end, one of them phoned this guy and gave him a talking to, it stopped after that thankfully. If at all possible, I'd change your number, and give strict instructions to anyone who you give your number to that they're not to give it to her.

moco

sunflower27 wrote: »

Were you tempted to keep the texts and show people so they knew he was lying? I mean even the new people that you knew he's spoken to?

Some people are so stupid. I mean, If he sends the texts to you, you have a record of them but what's he got to back up his case? - nothing.

What a moron.

Glad to hear he has left you alone. He sounds like he has a serious screw loose.

Most of the texts were just telling me to answer my phone. I did get the odd death threat phonecall too! I kept some e mails as proof though. He was and still is such an idiot.

AARRRGH

Unregistered wrote: »

When ever she hears something about me (IE me being with a Girl) I get a text and an aggressive text at that.

Tell the psycho to **** off and stop contacting you.

Why are you allowing her do this to you?

If she won't get the message, change your phone number.

Miss Fluff

Funnily enough I was discussing this very thing with a good friend of mine last night who is in a similar position and I just told her DON'T ENGAGE. AT ALL. Regardless of her thoughts, words or deeds, pretend she doesn't exist. She is looking for a reaction so every time you do react it just stokes her fire a little more.

Btw, she sounds like a right b1tch so seems like you're well rid.:eek:

star-pants

Agreed, in this case this girl is *actually* harassing you, spreading rumours and being abusive. There's always a certain amount of contact wanted after breakups, for closure or loose ends or whatever but this isn't that. This is jealousy and anger and being vendictive over rejection (even though she rejected first).

She's way out of line telling lies about you, to family/friends/work collegues. And texting abusively when she finds out you're with someone new. Keep a note of the texts/emails and any other abusiveness. If she keeps it up, you can make a report to the gardai if you like so that if it escalates at any point there's record of you informing them of this.
I also think if it's not too much hassle change your phone number and block her email if possible. If people say they've heard something she said about you (take note perhaps) but just tell them you've no idea as you've not been in contact for ages.

As I said in some cases where there might be things to talk about, having a final chat or something is useful but this girl isn't interested in that at all. So the only way is to ignore her (change phones) etc.

AARRRGH

sunflower27 wrote: »

So he sends her a text saying '**** off psycho' and then she has all the ammo she needs to show her mates that he is harrassing her!!!

No way... ignore her. That probably p!sses her off more.

Eh, no.

The OP should be an adult and tell her to stop contacting him.

If she keeps contacting him, change his number.

I appreciate you might choose the option of pissing her off more, but the OP wants the drama to stop.

LegacyUser

Nerin wrote: »

You can simply tell your ex, in a clear and concise manner whats what, then disengage.

it may be uncomfortable to explain things or talk to them, and you might not feel you owe them anything, or you may feel you are right to completely ignore them, but it the nice thing to do. at least then you can hold your hands up and honestly say you tried.

.

Agree.

OP, I know everyone on here is on psycho alert but something tells me this girl may not be such a danger.

It sounds like she pulled the old break up routine without really wanting to break up? Perhaps she wanted to force change... anyway you called her bluff.

Leaving her hurt, angry, rejected and shocked (all her own doing of course). Anyway she's let this fester.

OP you had a relationship with this girl so I suspect she's not a terrible person?

Do you think she's drunk texting?

I bet she doesn't like herself much for this behaviour either but obviously isn't very good at dealing with or containing her own emotions.

I know this is controversial, but in light of the fact that you once had a relationship with this girl, wouldn't be the decent thing be to CALL HER, and CALMLY tell her that you're sorry things didn't work out with you and her, you hope she's well and you hope that she's able to get past this. Tell her you're calling out of respect cause you two did once have a relationship, you do care about her but this behaviour has gone too far already and would she please stop.

You never know, your act of decency might just embarass her into better behaviour.

Or if not you'll at least know you've don't a reasonable thing.

Victor

maxxie wrote: »

yeah remember waynes world! Wayne had the crazy ex girlfriend.

yeah your wayne :pac:

For those of us who haven't seen any of the films, you'll need to make a fuller, more constructive post.

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

Agree.

OP, I know everyone on here is on psycho alert but something tells me this girl may not be such a danger.

It sounds like she pulled the old break up routine without really wanting to break up? Perhaps she wanted to force change... anyway you called her bluff.

Leaving her hurt, angry, rejected and shocked (all her own doing of course). Anyway she's let this fester.

OP you had a relationship with this girl so I suspect she's not a terrible person?

Do you think she's drunk texting?

I bet she doesn't like herself much for this behaviour either but obviously isn't very good at dealing with or containing her own emotions.

I know this is controversial, but in light of the fact that you once had a relationship with this girl, wouldn't be the decent thing be to CALL HER, and CALMLY tell her that you're sorry things didn't work out with you and her, you hope she's well and you hope that she's able to get past this. Tell her you're calling out of respect cause you two did once have a relationship, you do care about her but this behaviour has gone too far already and would she please stop.

You never know, your act of decency might just embarass her into better behaviour.

Or if not you'll at least know you've don't a reasonable thing.

Funny this measured response as opposed to the "she's a staaaaalker!!" brigade, may work. Personally I wouldn't bother to contact her as if she's the dependent type she'll lap the contact itself up and hear little of the content. You have her texts. If you don't well start saving them in case she goes nutso, but TBH I think that's pretty unlikely and an exaggeration and over reaction to the situation IMHO. I would explain to mutual mates what's what, if it comes up, but if she's this emotionally twitchy and you're well known to mutual mates for not being like that, the chances are pretty good they all know what's what anyway. Obviously avoid meeting her on your own. Between that, her publicly OTT behaviour and texts I would say you're well covered. Only if she actually escalates this guff would I consider going any further with it like going to the cops.

Taltos

Unregistered wrote: »

Agree.

OP, I know everyone on here is on psycho alert but something tells me this girl may not be such a danger.

It sounds like she pulled the old break up routine without really wanting to break up? Perhaps she wanted to force change... anyway you called her bluff.

Leaving her hurt, angry, rejected and shocked (all her own doing of course). Anyway she's let this fester.

OP you had a relationship with this girl so I suspect she's not a terrible person?

Do you think she's drunk texting?

I bet she doesn't like herself much for this behaviour either but obviously isn't very good at dealing with or containing her own emotions.

I know this is controversial, but in light of the fact that you once had a relationship with this girl, wouldn't be the decent thing be to CALL HER, and CALMLY tell her that you're sorry things didn't work out with you and her, you hope she's well and you hope that she's able to get past this. Tell her you're calling out of respect cause you two did once have a relationship, you do care about her but this behaviour has gone too far already and would she please stop.

You never know, your act of decency might just embarass her into better behaviour.

Or if not you'll at least know you've don't a reasonable thing.

Op - think your ex might have discovered BOARDS.
Advise as before if she is spreading rumours and hassling you call the cops etc.
Any response you now make to her directly feeds whatever is short-circuiting in her brain and like a spoilt child who acts out for attention this type of behaviour normally deteriorates.
For your own protection and peace of mind make a complaint - this way at least there will be a record of it if she escalates and makes up more complete lies but this time to the authorities...