Ticking timebomb? or Over reaction?

LegacyUser

My little sister has recently started going out with a lad form work, the first genuine fella who I've actually liked and got along with aswell


The problem, and its is a big one and a complete deal breaker for me is they have the same Surname

Since our dad passed I've been fairly protective of her and this is just the latest bit of drama


In one way, it is an extremely common surname in any part of the country but especially where we are, I can remember going to school with 4 others who had our surname and none of us where related

And our family is so small any relation would go back at least 4 generations


but the hard fact is - if/when their workmates find out it'll be absolute humiliation
and in the long run I can only see trouble


They are getting a home kit DNA test this week but even then I think its just asking for trouble.

Oh The Humanity

Calm down if you are in fact real at all.

Home dna kit?

I think thats a bit extreme....his Mother would step in and inform the couple if she thought your Dad was the lads father.....surely!

You maybe need to flesh this story out more and let us know why you think the couple could be related!

star-pants

So your sisters dating a guy and none of ye are sure if ye are related?

Thing is if you don't know him, well I assume IF you guys are related then it's possibly distant relations which isn't too bad. I can completely understand you looking out for your sister and wanting to avoid any hassle/embarrassment for her but they're going about it right to see. Although, may I ask have they not gone through their relations to see if any are in common?

Agent J

Dealbreaker for you?

Its your sister not you. Not your choice.

Home DNA? Is this serious?
Come on... of all the things to be worried about this is somewhere way way down the list. Same last name which is common in your home area and you know its at least 4 generations back? Where is the problem?

So, you are afraid of the humilition that someone else might get from their work mates if they find out that someone is dating someone who has the same common last name as them?.

I'd be more worried about Swine flu to be honest.

username123

Your poor sister, Id absolutely hate to be subjected to that kind of paranoia by a family member.

Who cares if its a deal breaker for you - its not you going out with the guy.

You say she has started GOING OUT with him - at what point did merely going out with someone require dna tests?

Seriously - I think you need to address your own issues and leave your sister alone.

King of Kings

i always cringe when people on here suggest professional help - but in this case you need it to get over your issues whatever they are.

fruitcake.

Overheal

Jenny Smith and Francis Smith? Oh noes.... Well in this case Dierdre and Patrick O'Brien more like. Yet still. I don't see where the humiliation factor is.

Bit of an over-reaction really. Home DNA kits? Have we really come that far?

Their business, not yours.

Zaph

King of Kings wrote: »

i always cringe when people on here suggest professional help - but in this case you need it to get over your issues whatever they are.

fruitcake.

Personal abuse, no matter how mild it may seem, is not tolerated in PI. banned for a week.

Tinchy

over reaction definately! :rolleyes:
i cant understand why this is a deal breaker for you either? your not going out with him...

Myggel

Definite over reaction, this is Ireland and we have around 5 different surnames

iguana

So you know this guy isn't your first, second or third cousin? But because he has the same surname you are worried he may possibly be a fourth, fifth or sixth? Do you understand that someone with a completely different surname can be a closer relative? Do you understand that it is perfectly legal to marry even a first cousin. A fourth cousin is barely related, the odds of this having negative repercussions on any children they may have are minuscule. If this relationship ever gets so far.

And if it does there is no real problem with them having the same surname. In fact it will save your sister the hassle of having to decide whether she will keep her own name or not if they get married. And if they do get married nobody will blink at the thought of a married couple having the same surname. I know a couple who have the same, gender neutral, first name, that's far funnier. And it's not that funny either. I also knew a couple called Ross and Rachel, which is worse than either. The point is that everyone gets slagged off about something at some point, and it's not that big a deal.

I do really think you need to work on your control issues though. Seriously, where do you get off on having a problem with your sister's relationship? Even if he was a dangerous, violent type or a known cheater it wouldn't be up to you to decide it was a deal breaker. Instead of having a real issue for concern, you have a slightly embarrassing anecdote. You should appreciate that your sister has met a nice guy and get over yourself.

Overheal

iguana wrote: »

I do really think you need to work on your control issues though. Seriously, where do you get off on having a problem with your sister's relationship? Even if he was a dangerous, violent type or a known cheater it wouldn't be up to you to decide it was a deal breaker. Instead of having a real issue for concern, you have a slightly embarrassing anecdote. You should appreciate that your sister has met a nice guy and get over yourself.

I wouldn't go that far...

iguana

Overheal wrote: »

I wouldn't go that far...

How would it be up to him though? He'd have a right to be concerned and want the relationship to end, but he couldn't stop her. She's his sister not his property. He can't decide it's a deal breaker and by taking the attitude that he could the odds are he'd only push her further into the relationship.

Overheal

Alright, when you put it that way - he doesnt have the herewithall to say who she can and who she can't go out with.

Miss Fluff

Unregistered wrote: »

My little sister has recently started going out with a lad form work, the first genuine fella who I've actually liked and got along with aswell.................They are getting a home kit DNA test this week but even then I think its just asking for trouble.

Asking for trouble from whom exactly? I can understand that you would want to protect your little sister after your Dad's passing but this is stifling and unfair. One would presume that the DNA testing was at your instigation? You are essentially making trouble where there is none. Unless you have good solid evidence to go on to suggest they are related then to be quite honest I think you need to keep your nose out and let the poor unfortunate girl enjoy her new relationship. (Count yourself lucky you don't live in China where 100 surnames are shared by 85% of the population)

kittenkiller

Unregistered wrote: »

this is just the latest bit of drama

It's not drama, it's a coincidence!
There's a huge difference.

Stop trying to stress your family out.

If you don't recognise him from your family photos, you're ok in my book!

Why the DNA test?
Could you not just go through your family trees if you were that bothered by it?

iguana

kittenkiller wrote: »

Could you not just go through your family trees if you were that bothered by it?

They did do that, he mentioned in his OP that they went back 4 generations and that there was no connection. But that was not enough for him.

LegacyUser

someone with a completely different surname could also be related
how many of us know our grandmothers maiden name or what about our great grandmothers maiden name...

LegacyUser

It's really sweet that you care so much and want to protect your sister from any possible hassle, but truly, this is not a problem. I think you've blown it out of proportion a bit - worst case is people might assume they're married when they're not.

Let them do the DNA thing for peace of mind, but I can't honestly see how this will be an issue. If I knew a couple with the same surname I'd think it was a coincidence, even if it was a more unusual surname than yours evidently is.

If he's a great guy and will care as much for her as you do then that's all that matters.