Is this what usually happens?

lmahoney79

Hey, not sure if anyone has any thoughts on this, but I lost my Mam just over a month ago to Cancer. We were very close and are a close family so needless to say I was devastated. Since then I have had good and bad days. But cant get her off my mind. Everyday I am thinking about her nearly constantly. Plus, we were all around her bed for the entire day when she died and thats also an image I cant shift. I don't want to get caught in a fog a grief but also don't want to see a councellor or anything like that. Is it a normal part of grief to have her in my head all day every day?! I miss her terribly and it really hurts. I had a slight panic attack the other night at the realization I would never see her again.

Lucy Lu

I am so sorry for your loss.

Its only been a month, of course she is still in your thoughts and always will be. Just in time those thoughts will change and you will remember more of the happy times than the more recent sad times.

Grief is natural and there is no right or wrong. Talk to people, cry, do what ever you have to do. It is not an easy thing for anyone to deal with. Just take it day by day.

studiorat

Very sorry to hear that.
As far as I can gather it is what usually happens. It gets easier and the horrible feeling of disaster and the panic attacks go away eventually. It takes time. My Mum died 11 years ago, looking back I suppose it took the best part of two years to properly come to terms with it. That's not to say though that the horrible feelings you are having will last that long. You eventually just accept it. Still, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her and in that way she's with me always.

hope this helps.

ibbie

speaking from experience yes thats what tends to happen, people deal with grief in different ways the important thing is to give yourself plenty of time, I was like you and didn't want to see a counsellor but found that talking to friends and especially family about memories and stories helped a great deal- however if you do find its all getting a bit too much I would advise seeing a bereavement counsellor

JemimaPD

Everyone reacts differently when they have suffered a loss. OP i'm sorry for your loss.

TBH i had the same problem except with my granddad. He was my second dad and i was the last grandchild to see him in the Hospice and ironically my dad was with him when he passed away exactly a week before my 21st. For over two months i could litterally see him in my parents house or out in their garden. Kinda freaked the hell outta me too. Thinking about your mam is a natural experience and in time it will get easier but now its really the realisation that hitting you of what has happened. You may never see her again in person but she really lives within you (your heart and your memories) Pictures bring a lot of emotions and for now the only real mental picture you have is being around your mam on the day she passed away. Look back further to when you had a good day with her and a smile will come across your face. Only see a councillor if you feel you really need one but talking to family and friends really help and they are there for you too.

Good Luck OP. XX

lmahoney79

Thanks everyone, yeah one thing i have found helpful is talking to family members about her and the memories of her growing up etc... Especially helps both me and my Dad to talk to each other about her as he is utterly torn apart by this, they were an extremely close couple so i guess we can help each other that way.

stupidusername

My mam died a month ago from cancer too. My family isn't so close so it doesn't feel like we can really talk about it much. It's good that you have a close relationship with yours as I could see that could really help. Whatever you feel is normal. You feel the way you feel. You don't have to go to a counsellor if you don't want to. Generally people do when they need to talk openly about things, maybe if they wouldn't be comfortable talking to anyone else about those things, or if they need some sort of direction.

All I can say is keep talking.... everything bottled up in your head isn't good. Even if it's nothing you have to say, saying it is good. And especially saying it to someone who feels the same.

littleoldme

Firstly can i just say how sorry I am for your loss. I can identify with your pain as a year and a half ago I lost my Dad to Cancer. At the time everyone was telling me how time was a great healer but like you, i thought about him every minute of every day. Panic and heartache set in particularly when i realised i would never see him again. I was so close to him and he was a truly lovely, gentle, kind man who didn't deserve to be taken so soon. I won't lie to you and tell you things will ever be the same again....chances are you will never be the same again. But believe me when i tell you that you learn how to cope with the grief. You learn how to miss them without it taking over your life. As for seeing your Mam on her final day....that too will pass. For a long time i could only see my Dad as he was fighting for life and how he had looked during his illness, treatment etc. Now i can remember him for the lovely jolly old soul he was. The most important thing is to take time for yourself, don't beat yourself up about feeling this way and don't be afraid to ask someone for a big hug. You'll probably need many more but you will get there.