Did you ever went back to an ex you broke up with!??

LegacyUser

No, seriously!

Any men or woman out there that after months of no contacts ever decided to get them back??
I know it only happens in like 10% of the time ex who broke up wants to get back together but i would want to know what made you tick, what made you realise that you wanted them back!??

my ex broke up few months ago, few weeks after he called asking if i was seeing anyone and as I said not yet he said he wanted to see me, and wanted to meet...I didnt ask why, I said ok call me during the week and we'll figure when to meet.....he never called! im not surprised, he was missing me and got weak...then the odd times texts...only recently, 2 weeks now, there's no contacts cos a month ago he msn me and said he "missed me and loved me so much and was hating the situation, hes lack of clarity, confusion...." I didnt ask to know all that, if anything I avoid talking bout us but he needed to make his point I guess...he goes from what his head says (that was to break up) to what his heart says..be with me. well obviously he broke up so he followed his head.
I have seen few posts here bout age differences and I'm happy to see im not the only one in this too, im 10 years older than him and for me its not a problem but it is for him, clearly.

Guess I would just want to hear what people who have got back together would have to say....

thank you

G-Money

Have never went back with an ex myself (probably as I have none, but I digress). Even if I did have ex's, I'd be suspicious as to why they are back on the scene looking to get back together. Is it because they felt it was a genuine mistake ending things? Or have they just kind of hit a dry spell or are feeling they won't be able to find someone else, so they go back to someone they were with before. Almost like a backup.

If it's the former, then it might be worth considering but you need to take into account why the split happened in the first place and what has changed all of a sudden that causes them to want to get back.

If it's the latter (desperation, lack of options etc) don't even consider it.

Otis Driftwood

Got back with an ex once (she finished it first time round) and after 4 or 5 months she ended it again.
I had reservations about getting back in the first place but this woman was my "what if" girl so I just went for it despite the vast majority of my friends advising against it.

You need to ask,

why did you break up in the first place

and

Why do they want to get back together.

In my experience its down to loneliness on the other persons part.

I would tread warily if I was you OP.

jasonb

I broke up with my then girlfriend and we were apart for about 11 months with almost no contact. We decided to meet up after those 11 months 'cos we occasionally saw each other in work and it was awkward, so we reckoned if we met up and talked a little it wouldn't be so awkward from then on.

Well, we talked and talked until 7 the next morning. That was 4 years ago and she's now my wife! We basically figured out what had lead to us breaking up the first time and addressed it and we've both been very happy ever since.

J.

Wibbs

If the reason you broke up is no longer an issue and the connection is still there, yes it happens and it can be very successful. In my humble and experience it's usually only successful if the time apart is quite long. Sometimes many years. You both get distance, usually move on, maybe even go out with others etc. In the OP's case the age gap is not something that's going away, but his attitude to it may change. My advice would be to consider it over and move forward. If he shows up again, well and good, but I would not be waiting around just to listen to wishy washy, "I'm confused" BS. Life is too short for that. They usually stay confused too, until they end up with someone else. Not good for you. The best way of getting anyone back is to get yourself back. When you do that it won't matter anyway and you'll be open to someone who isn't confused. my 2 cents anyway.

North_West_Art

I did once, it lasted 4 months, and ended very badly... my fault Then out of the blue last year, an ex got in touch with me saying she wanted to get back, 13 years later! We broke up in 96 and I last saw her in 98. I might have considered it if I hadnt got married recently! It now stays in the past....

anonymous_joe

Almost, but we were too stubborn and immature to fix things and ended up making things worse.

It's absolutely possible, but it's an emotional minefield, add to which, there's the worry they're not interested in you, but sick of being single. But there's no doubting it's workable, just be a bit wary, and don't risk suffering again.

LegacyUser

I went out with peter for five years. We broke up. We remained on talking terms. (msn, texting) though at times we wouldnt talk for months. He asked me back twice but i woulnt.

I got with bob and we spent 18 months argueing fighting etc. He was a total waster and it ended badly a number of times. We broke up many times and he always rang begging for another chance, I would give him another chance. Only for him to change his mind three days later and say things like. "we are better off being single" "Do you ever think bout being with anybody eles" "me and you would be great together in five years or when i sort myself out" Peter meanwhile met many women and was seeing mary.

I broke up with bob finally. Peter broke up with mary. We got back together and I can honestly say I have never been happier. All the issues which led to us breaking up were no longer important. Time with other people made me realise that peter was the one for me. We talk openly now. We laugh all the time. We bicker at times but it never lasts longer than a few minutes while before we would ignore each other for days. We both recognised our mistakes and had become more rounded mature people ready to have a adult relationship. We compromise and negotiate on what we want and we listen to each other. I love him and he loves me and we would happily spend the rest of our lives together.

Sometimes it does end well and sometimes it doesnt. Follow your heart but be carefull it dont lead you to somebody who really dont know what he wants.

prinz

grandmaster wrote: »

Have never went back with an ex myself (probably as I have none, but I digress). Even if I did have ex's, I'd be suspicious as to why they are back on the scene looking to get back together. Is it because they felt it was a genuine mistake ending things? Or have they just kind of hit a dry spell or are feeling they won't be able to find someone else, so they go back to someone they were with before. Almost like a backup.

If it's the former, then it might be worth considering but you need to take into account why the split happened in the first place and what has changed all of a sudden that causes them to want to get back.

If it's the latter (desperation, lack of options etc) don't even consider it.

Spot on.

An ex- is an ex for a reason, it doesn't matter who ended it.

Qprmeath

Yes got back with now wife after two years. Seven years married now, 9 month old daughter. Things couldnt be better. We would never have ended up so good only we split up. Maybe the break showed us how to appreciate what we had and not take it for granted.

LegacyUser

We were together three years. Broken up four. Back together three years. Married two. Our next trial separation starting next month.

Think Elizabath Taylor and Richard Burton. Lots of relationships have sequels. I don't know if we'll back together. We've certainly knocked alot of rough edges off each other. Most of our issues have changed over the years. Now its more a case of what do we want in our own lives and can we achieve that together or are we slowing each other down? Thats probably why your OH has issues with age difference... yup, I wouldn't wait around.

Colonel_McCoy

I am in a similar situation...................cant decide to go back to ex (broke up 2 years) or move...........head wrecked by it.

Dont know what to do

CathyMoran

I dont think that people normally get back after a break up but we did and are very happily married now. We had two important breaks (either serious reasons or we saw other people during that time) and lots of heated arguments - life got in the way and we faced our deamons face on and dealt with issues in our relationship and are very happy with one another now. I do not know about age as my husband is only 7 weeks younger than me, sorry.

These things tend to work out in the end but if it is to work both of you need to want to work on the issues that are causing you to separate.

LegacyUser

SO Colonel McCoy, are you the one who broke up or were you dumped...wondering what is stoping you/

Colonel_McCoy

I got the elbow.......eventually found out (after 2 years) it was her fear of commitment.

SamuelFox

I got some good advice about this in school many years ago. After a the break up of a long term relationship, write down why it broke up, how you felt and how your ex treated you. Time has a habit of healing wounds and pain fades, so its natural in time that you will be better inclined to your ex. However, if you are getting back together you need to recall and analyse your feelings from that time, rather than the nostalgia that you might be feeling. now Feelings change but people don't always, and if an ex treated you badly once you would be a fool to allow it to happen again.

ElDiego

You need to work out why you broke up and find out why she wants to get back. Dont just settle for 2nd best

Viva La Gloria

I don't think I could ever get back together with an ex, no matter how hard I wanted to at the time. It nearly happened last summer but thankfully I came to some sense. It still hurt like hell though, and did for a long time.

Every situation is different though, so it depends on the nature of the break up I guess.

Dabouche

I've always gone back to my ex's!! It can even be a year later but i always end back with them. I recently read a book about Aquarians about how we will always go back to our ex's because we need to confirm that we made the right decision!!

Kipperhell

Yes and we got married and have been together 13 years. A friend got back with a an ex from when they were in school and have been together 10 years after a 3 year break. I think anybody who thinks a relationship break up is always the right thing might be missing the fact everybody makes mistakes. Relationships are confusing because of the emotions and reflection can clarify things of the past and silly mistakes can be corrected.

LegacyUser

Dabouche, im aquarian too!!

now having say that im not all that into horoscope at all but funny to say I would of gone back to ex too in the past but my problem is my proud!!! if he broke up with me my proud is so strong I cant give in!! Aquarius are very stubborn people, my ex and I both are so can only imagine the mix.
if he wanted me back one day, he probably wouldnt ask me cos of his proud too!

What book did you read btw, im intrigued!

LegacyUser

Ex's ... I suppose there is always attachment , a link, a love once had etc etc. But in fairness alot of us were attached to " blankies" as children. Doesnt mean they were good for us but we remember that warm glowie feeling they provided us with !! !! I think ex's are alot like that too.We tend to remember the really good times. Im just a bit straight like that , if someone has hurt me in the past , I wont really offer them an opportunity to do it again. Im the type that cut all ties. It has its benefits but from what I see nowadays most people seem to like to collect exs as some badge of honor ") !!
Ah anyways for me the irony is im seeing a great guy who I suspect is hung up on his oul ex ( how I have come to detest the word !! ) So as the song goes ...Ive looked at life from both sides now !! I guess O/p you ll know in your heart and try and use a little level headedness. . Romance is never that clear cut