I just needed to get this off my chest

LegacyUser

I am a 25, male, there is this woman I can't stop thinking about in college aged 30, I've never said more than I'd say 10 lines to her, I can't stop thinking about her, she is perfect, not good looking in a typical way, but I really like her, I've never felt like this before, I don't know if its love or infatuation, or even what both of those would feel like.

I asked her out for "coffee", made it sound casual, obviously I want to tell her exactly how I feel, but would it sound weird? I mean I hardly know her yet? or would she take it as a compliment? I suppose I should start off by saying that I "like" her, and if I get a good reception upgrade that in a few weeks?

phew...

idontknowmyname

sounds like infatuation, you don't really know this woman and if you haven't really spoken to her then how could you have a full on get to know her conversation yet? What did she say when you asked her for a coffee?

Wibbs

Jeez, no, do not blurt out how you feel about her. Kiss of death, unless and this is a long shot she feels the same and that is a very long shot at this stage of the encounter. Even if she does like you telling her how you feel would still be the kiss of death. What are you giong to say? I can't stop thinking about you, never felt like this you're perfect? Oh defo not. You will come across as weird and 99 times outa 100 she will run for the hills.

Just go for the coffee. Try to chill out. Chat, more important listen, keep it light and fun and interesting. Do not mention emotional stuff at this stage. Dont get into a life story scenario either, keep the mystery. See how that goes. Then if it seems to have gone well ask her on an actual date, the cinema if you want to keep on the easygoing vibe, but I would suggest a bite to eat or a few drinks.

Beruthiel

Do exactly what Wibbs said above.

T Corolla

Do Not throw out your feelings on the first date. Be patient and see how things go. You have just met her and you may not know the lay of the land

LegacyUser

>What did she say when you asked her for a coffee?

straight away "yes, how about xyz pub" not an amazing yes, but definitely straight away,
but returning to the point I suppose I shouldn't tell her within 5 minutes of our first conversation that I think she is amazing, while it is a compliment and would be welcomed it would on the other hand make me out to be a bit strange

-OP

idontknowmyname

well if she replied back with suggestions she might like you- but definitely do not mention it within the few few dates that you think you're crazy about her when you don't know her too well. If someone said that to me I would run for the hills. Just chill, take it easy, as Wibbs said, keep the conversation casual and general....just enjoy

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

I suppose I shouldn't tell her within 5 minutes of our first conversation that I think she is amazing, while it is a compliment and would be welcomed it would on the other hand make me out to be a bit strange

Oh it is a compliment and would be welcomed on the face of it, but it will drop you in her eyes as potential lover, to a lesser or greater degree depending on her, but drop it it will. And yes you would make you out to be a bit strange. It will make you look naive for a start. Fine at 15, not at 25. I'm not suggesting you need to come across as a "playa", but it's best to come across as a measured and emotionally stable and consistent person. Her attraction for you in a sexual/romantic sense is what you need to establish.

Given she agreed on the spot that's a good enough sign. Play it by hear but keep your own counsel and keep it fun and light. Put it another way as a man what kind of date would you like? A woman blurting out how wonderful you were on that first date and being generally OTT, or a woman who was fun and interesting and a little mysterious, but who let you know you were well in with a shot? Double that for women.