Inadequate in Bed

LegacyUser

I've been with my GF for 6months now and everything's great except for the fact she cant cum without clitoral stimulation during sex.

I know this is very common amongst women but its getting me down as she has her set way to get to the climax, and that involves her stimulating her clitoris and not me. Which makes me feel inadequate.

When I try to stimulate her during penetration she cannot reach an orgasm. I put this down to her having started masturbating at a young age and shes so used to that way that no other way will do.

Any thoughts on what i can do?

I have tried loads of different positions but all to no avail, she needs clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.
I have noticed that when her legs are on my shoulders during penetration that she feels the need to pee, I have read that this may be leading up to a g-spot orgasm (with possibility of squirting) I cant get her to continue when we are doing this as she says its "too much" and shes afraid she'll pee on me. I wouldn't mind if she did pee on me if only to find out that its not the possibility of an orgasm.

Has anyone any experience on this?

Being honest if I couldn't make her cum through oral sex I would feel completely useless and inadequate. Its the only thing that I feel positive about and can fully enjoy.

DamagedTrax

they are complicated, we are simple. thats just how it is

Taltos

At least she is able to orgasm...

I know it is tough for you but you need to relax on this. Physically we are not really built to stimulate the clitoris.
You could try different positions where you can help or get het to guide you by moving your hands for you, how do you know what pressure / speed to use - only she can tell you this.

But in the realm of things it sounds like you both enjoy yourselves - be careful with this one as you do not want to create an issue where really there is none.

shellyboo

unreggg wrote: »

When I try to stimulate her during penetration she cannot reach an orgasm. I put this down to her having started masturbating at a young age and shes so used to that way that no other way will do.

Well, first of all, you'd want to stop blaming your gf for not being able to climax through penetration. That's a ridiculous claim to make.

unreggg wrote: »

I have tried loads of different positions but all to no avail, she needs clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.


Being honest if I couldn't make her cum through oral sex I would feel completely useless and inadequate. Its the only thing that I feel positive about and can fully enjoy.

There's absolutely no reason for you to feel inadequate about this. The vast majority of women cannot come through penetration alone - that doesn't mean they'd all prefer to be home masturbating instead of having sex with their boyfriends.

Clitoral stimuation during intercourse is not the same as masturbating, it's not even int he same league as masturbating... it's much more intense and much better. Think about it - is masturbation as good as sex for you? No? Then why do you assume it is for her?


However, I think she should be letting you try to stimulate her and learn *her* technique. If you can stimulate her with the same touch, pressure, speed etc she uses then that should work... it will take practice though!

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

Well, first of all, you'd want to stop blaming your gf for not being able to climax through penetration. That's a ridiculous claim to make.

I think you misunderstood. Im not blaming her at al, i dont know how u picked that up. By stimulation i meant me giving her clitoral stimulation during penetration.

Wibbs

OK I'm gonna take it slightly from a different(clearly personal) opinion and likely get roasted for it....:)

unreggg wrote: »

I know this is very common amongst women but its getting me down as she has her set way to get to the climax, and that involves her stimulating her clitoris and not me. Which makes me feel inadequate.

Straight off regardless how she gets herself off, it should not make you feel inadequate. You can be damn sure she doesn't think that of you, but you feeling that will be picked up by her and frustrate her more and lessen any chance of anything but what she's used to happening. I mean she gets off does she not? She has orgasms does she not? That's the only thing that should interest you really. That and your own pleasure. Hell if I was with a woman and she needed to be watching, I dunno, penguins swimming through the antarctic ocean on the telly to get off, there would be a one man run on the tills for nature documentaries I can tell you. So from first principles put that part out of your head.

When I try to stimulate her during penetration she cannot reach an orgasm. I put this down to her having started masturbating at a young age and shes so used to that way that no other way will do.

Possibly, or more likely she is used to her own stimulation and clues that get her to that point. You just haven't plugged into that yet, pls lets face it, it can be awkward to do both if you're a guy. Though maybe I'm just physically gormless and uncoordinated.

I have tried loads of different positions but all to no avail, she needs clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.

Well again it depends on her and what she likes. I would say the old fashioned missionary with some tweaks the best chance.

I have noticed that when her legs are on my shoulders during penetration that she feels the need to pee, I have read that this may be leading up to a g-spot orgasm (with possibility of squirting) I cant get her to continue when we are doing this as she says its "too much" and shes afraid she'll pee on me. I wouldn't mind if she did pee on me if only to find out that its not the possibility of an orgasm.

IMHO it certainly sounds like what you describe, given the basic mechanics of it and how she describes but if she doesn't feel comfortable in letting go and she will have to feel comfortable in letting go then it's not going to happen. I've heard tell that maybe trying same in a bath may help her relax, but don't take that anywhere near gospel. Even making sure she's nothing in the tank beforehand could be a good start.

Has anyone any experience on this?

OK this is the bit where I'll get roasted...... In my humble the idea that the "vast majority" of women can't orgasm through intercourse alone is incorrect, or at least overdone. I would say the complete opposite and say the majority can to some degree. Some easier than others and not every time, I grant you, but I would still say most can.

Many don't for years and with different partners, but in my experience they do at some point(and Im no great shakes in the leaba I can assure you). Now that said, they need to be completely relaxed, completely engaged with their lover and mindful of their own bodies and it's responses and happy in their own bodies.

If they feel it's a competition for the guy then game over. In a big way. It also takes practice and again in my experience if it happens once, it is much easier for them the next time. It can be as intense, but again in my humble it's usually not. Not at first anyway. The strange thing is it's usually a surprise as they don't feel it build up like the other way. Kinda creeps up on them when least expected.

Being honest if I couldn't make her cum through oral sex I would feel completely useless and inadequate. Its the only thing that I feel positive about and can fully enjoy.

This is your biggest stumbling block to having better lovemaking IMHO. Its not about you being a "better lover". The more you make this an ego matter for you(which lets face it it is), the less likely you will have "success". Forget about being a success. Forget about being a better lover. Hiding to nothing in my humble. It's far more than that. Learn more about your lovers body and emotions, her sense of touch what she likes, what she thinks she likes and what new feelings you may bring to the party. let her teach you and actually listen to her and what she and her body says and feel those responses in her. You teach her about you too. More back and forth communication is the key.

Most of all forget about this particular point you're aiming for. Orgasm is a point of arrival for most men. It's not for women to nearly the same degree(though always welcome for them:)). Most guys can't even come to terms with the idea of a woman having a deeply physical and emotional encounter and not having an orgasm. Guess what, they can. Think of it as a bonus on a wonderful journey and not a destination. Be a better lover in your own head and actions(outside the bedroom too) and she will be more a better lover in your arms. She may never get off that way, but so what? She will think you a better lover if you stop trying to be one(if you know what I mean)

My 2 cents anyway.

Nevyn

She to work on her awareness of her pelivic floor and to strengthen it with kengel exerises by the sound of it.