Hope over Heartache

LegacyUser

Just wanted to start a thread here as i've just come out of a relationship which although only lasted a short while, seemed to me to be right, comfortable, happy, had potential etc....just a right fit really. However, for a variety of reasons, things haven't worked out. I know it's for the best but as i'm sure people will identify with, this doesn't stop the pain or make it easier. A thousand questions unanswered and one sometimes starts to say, maybe it's me, maybe there's a genetic flaw in me that makes my love life a succession of live and learns . What i want to know is, i'm sure others have been here, so how do you keep the faith in dating, relationships etc. Do you get weary from it all and how do you pick yourself up after a blow to the heart? What makes you get back up??

ManOfMystery

Every week there are a huge number of posts on this site (and many others) about people coming out of a relationship and feeling unsure, blaming themselves, having no optimism and no confidence, etc.

It may be a cliche, but remember: it takes 2 to tango. You are only 50% of any relationship. And though you may not change as a person, the dynamics of every relationship you have will always differ because no two people will mix together in the same way as any other two.

I went through a 4yr relationship which, although it ended amicably enough, dented my confidence a lot and to some extent put me off relationships. For 6 months I went out with the lads on typical drinking nights but never pursued a single female, not even a snog - even though I had the opportunity - simply because I decided that I just didn't want a female near me and I couldn't be bothered with the hassle of dating, etc. I guess I was slightly jaded and had simply lost faith in love, similar to what you're describing.

Then out of the blue, on a work night out, I met my current girlfriend. We spent the night chatting, got on great, and things developed from there - totally unexpectedly for both of us as she was in a similar mental place to me, having gone through a bad breakup. But we took it slow and easy and get closer every day. And she's restored my faith in love.

You never know what's round the corner, so hold on

LegacyUser

I don't know if I have any valuable advice to give. But reading your post was like reading about my own current situation down to a "T".
It's so difficult to keep picking yourself up. A few times so far i've had my heart knocked and had to pick myself up. It took time but I managed to get by through the support of friends and keeping busy, hopeful and exercising.
On this occasion it hasn't gone so well, but that is possibly due to my current circumstances aswell. I resorted to smoking, which was definetly not a good option. I think i'm returning to my usual good form now, but honestly the best thing to do is keep busy.

Keep active - both mind and body. Keep in touch with friends. It won't take away the hurt, but will distract you from it, until eventually it fades.

Would love to hear how others have gone about it!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Just wanted to start a thread here as i've just come out of a relationship which although only lasted a short while, seemed to me to be right, comfortable, happy, had potential etc....just a right fit really. However, for a variety of reasons, things haven't worked out. I know it's for the best but as i'm sure people will identify with, this doesn't stop the pain or make it easier. A thousand questions unanswered and one sometimes starts to say, maybe it's me, maybe there's a genetic flaw in me that makes my love life a succession of live and learns . What i want to know is, i'm sure others have been here, so how do you keep the faith in dating, relationships etc. Do you get weary from it all and how do you pick yourself up after a blow to the heart? What makes you get back up??

It sounds like you decided to end this yourself? Is there a main reason you decided this wasn't for you and if so, is it a recurring reason. I find that sometimes people found something in their past that didn't work out and they hope to find again in the future but because circumstances are so different, it can never be replicated. You do have to pick yourself up and move on cos you only get one life to enjoy but actually comparing past relationships is detremental to future ones because you give up on them sooner in the hope of finding that missing thing in someone else.

May not be true in your case but applies to alot of people

Squor

Hi guys, not a regular poster, but I know the feeling. I was in a relationship for 4 yrs and it ended 6 or so yrs ago and whilst I have been out with other women plenty of times, I seem to suffer from a hangover off the previous one. Basically it ended, she refused to ever talk to me again. After 4 yrs!!! Whilst I was devastated at the time, I knew it was coming, never expected to be blanked though, but such is, as they say. I cant seem to click with anyone on a relationshipl level. So how do you get back on the horse?? This I find to be the tough one. There is no easy answer after being hurt badly, or for the millionth time. Its hard as you get older, in 30's now, all my mates are married, coupled having kids etc. So that that leaves the lonely ranger lol.... Ya have to just keep going, no matter how bad it was then, yesterday, 6 yrs ago, tomorrow is better, as is next day etc etc. Ya meet someone who kinda instils the belief that its worth the risk that gettin hurt may bring, but what if the person, ya meet tomo, next wk, next month is the one..... .Thats how I get on with it.... Hope I aint gone off point!!!!!!