Carry on Camping?

LegacyUser

I'll keep this brief. My head is wrecked. I'm in my early 30s, I've been single for a while now, had heart broken recently enough by a complete w8nker which I'm still smarting over badly, and would love to meet a nice guy soon who will treat me well.

Had been talking to this guy online and on the phone for weeks, got on really well and a few days ago we had what can only be described as THE perfect date. He's handsome, is kind, bright etc - ticks so many boxes. A very good kisser and lets just say he was very turned on. The catch? He is extremely camp. I mean very camp. And I just don't know if I'd be able to get past that.

I'm quite a big personality and gay men tend to gravitate towards me. In fact a gay friend of mine WARNED me if I ever meet the love of my life I'm to get some gay friends to do a gaydar test because I have looks and personality that a man in the closet would typically go for.

Notwithstanding the above, this guy is great but I feel if I was to start seeing him regularly it would always be the elephant in the room. Apologies if I sound fickle, but I would like to meet someone and have kids and I really don't know if I could handle a partner coming out of the closet further down the line.

Anyway, he wants to take me to dinner and I feel I'm going to have to say no. It is SUCH a pity, as otherwise he is the perfect package. How can I go about letting him down gently?

LegacyUser

i think your getting ahead of yourself there just a tiny bit... it was only a first date.. have some fun with it... i know plenty of guys that are very camp but simply are not gay..full stop...

obviously don't marry him and have kids with him if your not content that he isn't gay! but have some fun for now..your putting a lot of pressure on the "relationship" (if you can even call it that at this stage) before it has even started to be honest and if he is straight i severely doubt marriage and kids with you has even crossed his mind just yet....

he could be a heterosexual man and you could miss out on a guy that ticks so many of your boxes because of your irrational fear..plus he could be unreal in bed.... you haven't even gotten to that stage yet and i think that would be where you could most probably gauge whether he is gay or not...

just enjoy it for now and at least give him a second date you met him once!!! you simply cannot brush him aside because YOU think he is gay even though HE quiet clearly does not think the same...

MissHoneyBun

Unregistered wrote: »

. I'm in my early 30s, I've been single for a while now, and would love to meet a nice guy soon who will treat me well.

He's handsome, is kind, bright etc - ticks so many boxes. The catch? He is extremely camp. Notwithstanding the above, this guy is great but I feel if I was to start seeing him regularly it would always be the elephant in the room.I would like to meet someone and have kids and I really don't know if I could handle a partner coming out of the closet further down the line.

Anyway, he wants to take me to dinner and I feel I'm going to have to say no. It is SUCH a pity, as otherwise he is the perfect package.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh and I'm probably going to get roasted for this but it's no wonder there are so many women in their thirties who post here and complain about being single when in fact, they are their own worst enemies.

You've found a lovely guy, who by your own admission, ''ticks so many boxes", yet all you can see is what he doesn't fulfill. How negative is that? I'm sorry girl but you're gonna be single a long time if you continue to dismiss every man you meet simply because they don't fit your every expectation.

You say he's a handsome, kind and bright man yet that still isnt enough for you? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying for a minute that you should settle for just anyone over singledom but at least give him a chance! Those are good qualities in a person and you've written him off after the first date. I really don't understand why you'd limit yourself like that when you are clearly keen to meet someone.

You've barely met the guy and you've already created a scenario in your head where he's your husband coming out as gay?! It makes no sense. Can you see how you are creating problems for yourself? Ones that aren't even there. Please don't sabotage your chances of meeting somone like this. I know it's easy for other people to say but you need to relax and enjoy dating instead of seeing it as a military campaign to secure a husband and kids

This is real life, not a fairytale so women need to stop waiting for some Prince Charming fantasy to come along. Some people do have fairytale endings and good luck to them but most successful longterm relationships I know are products of dedicated effort and acceptance -warts and all!
So seriously, lose the checklist and get out there and give yourself and guys a chance -you'll never know otherwise!

LegacyUser

OP, some men are just camp, it doesn't meen they are gay, it's just the way they are. In the same repsect that some gay men aren't camp. I have met several camp men in the past who were complete heterosexuals.

If this guy is as perfect as you make him sound, then go for it. Like another poster said, you're getting ahead of yourself worrying about whether or not you could settle down and have kids with him after one date. Give him a go and just enjoy it.

cafecolour

I'm gay man, made out with plenty of girls for the craic, never, to be blunt, had an erection at any point while doing so. So take that as you will.

Guys, especially younger ones, read as camp a lot more these days, it's mostly societal. There's not really as much pressure to act really masculine for one, so a lot of non-alpha male types (for instance, tech geeks) can read as camp to someone not used to them. Plus plenty of pop culture figures are gayish-acting straight lads these days - from your my chemical romance/fall out boy to your christiano ronaldo/david beckham.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

I'll keep this brief. My head is wrecked. I'm in my early 30s, I've been single for a while now, had heart broken recently enough by a complete w8nker which I'm still smarting over badly, and would love to meet a nice guy soon who will treat me well.


Anyway, he wants to take me to dinner and I feel I'm going to have to say no. It is SUCH a pity, as otherwise he is the perfect package. How can I go about letting him down gently?

Ffs - the guy could be extremely nervous around you and the campness may be a defence mechanism.

What is your problem -I think its sad you think this way.

SarahSassy

Look we can all argue you that being too fussy but the reality is that if his mannerisms put you off then there is nothing you can do and you are better not to lead him on...

My friend is living with her bf for years and he is v camp...

Madame Razz

SarahSassy wrote: »

Look we can all argue you that being too fussy but the reality is that if his mannerisms put you off then there is nothing you can do and you are better not to lead him on...

Yes, but seeing as the OP DID enjoy the first date and does seem to like him I do think she should at least have a second date with the guy. First impressions aren't always the right ones tbh, especially not in a first date/new relationship type scenario, when both people are nervous and unsure, and a little scared.

SarahSassy

Madame Razz wrote: »

Yes, but seeing as the OP DID enjoy the first date and does seem to like him I do think she should at least have a second date with the guy. First impressions aren't always the right ones tbh, especially not in a first date/new relationship type scenario, when both people are nervous and unsure, and a little scared.

I 100% agree with you but it was my impression from the post that she had already decided not to see him again and even if she did she felt it would always be an 'elephant in the room'. She doesnt seem to be for swaying IMHO

Actually reading back, she didnt ask if she was right or wong but how she could let him down gently..

LegacyUser

OP here again, thanks for all your responses, some brutally honest but that's what makes Boards what it is I guess so fair play.

Read your responses and discussed this with a couple of friends today and you're all right. There is no harm in going on a second date with this guy. Yes I am ridiculously fussy and because I've been with a complete ba$tard before this then maybe I'm trying to find fault. So think it will do no harm to meet him for dinner and if he breaks into a Judy Garland number or what have you then it will only be confirmed but I think I should def give him a chance. Thanks all.

Queencake

Good plan. Just give him a fair chance OP! Often it can be a good thing to try someone different from your usual type if your type hasn't been working! Girls especially can often find themselves winding up in the same sort of bad relationship again and again.

This guy could break the cycle. Sounds like a good guy.

Oh and btw one of my friends can be a bit camp and I've been asked a good few times if he's gay. But he's not. He's quite happily hetero and tbh a great guy for any girl. His campness has been known to put some girls off which is unfortunate Saying that, he's got no trouble pulling so ultimately those who can't look past it - well that's no skin off his nose!

CDfm

OP so what if your date likes musicals - your last Prince Charming was actually the Duke Of Bastard -so maybe what you want in a bloke by definition includes camp.

If you want a guy who dresses well is into fashion movies (name what you like)etc etc -it maybe that Model is not available in Construction Worker which only has the Complete Bastard Options as standard -maybe those options you want are only available with the Camper Van Product.

dreamlogic

I agree with what has been said about going ahead with this. I was in a relationship with a guy that lasted five years and I didn't even like the guy when we first met! So keep an open mind