The Best Shot I've Had in Ages, And I've Blown It.

LegacyUser

Okay gyes this is going to seem a little unimportant compared to other issues on here but I genuinely need to let this stuff out and maybe somebody can help me here.

There I was at this Birthday last night, the Birthday girl is somebody I've known about a year and a half but fell in and out of touch with. On more than one occasion there's been potential for something to materialize so heading into last night I was a bit excited and I fancied my chances.

It all started great, I'd picked out a present for her and she loved it. Conversation was flowing, no awkwardness. I began to realize that I was really, really into everything about her. As the night went on I started to get a bit restless and couldn't for the life of me figure out how to make my move as she had already refused my offer of buying her a drink and she informed me that she's a terrible dancer and wouldn't go to the dancefloor with me. At one point I even asked her if she'd be free to hang out in a more intimate environment on Monday but she said that she'd probably be busy. A little later on I found her sitting on some lads lap which planted the seed of jealousy in me. A little later on her friend told me that she was looking for me. When I went over to her she was on the phone and said 'two secs'. So I waited until she was finished but she just went off on me. By now I'd made my mind up, she couldn't possibly be interested in me in that way.

Ten minutes later, slightly drunk, very frustrated, jealous and bitter. I ended up getting my wear off a different girl, only to be tapped on the shoulder by the birthday girl's friend who pointed up to the balcony by the bar, there was the birthday girl. I was then informed that I had been mistaken, naive and very stupid with my assumptions. I was encouraged to go and find her, thus leaving the other girl in the process. (I had no real feelings for her but I felt really bad just upping and leaving without an explanation)

Eventually I found her and told her my side of things. She was extremely calm about it but I was getting the disappointed vibe off her which was tough to take, I explained to her how it was idiotic of me to assume ****e but that's who I am, I get jealous sometimes and I'm not the most confident of characters when it comes to girls. She told me that If I wanted to go back to that other girl that she wouldnt mind, she just didnt want any 'drama' on her birthday. I informed her that I didnt want that at all, eventually stressing that she was my best chance at something good with a girl for way over 2 years. We agreed to discuss it tomorrow.

This morning I texted her explaining how I would go to any length to regain the chance that I'd blown. She responded a few hours later saying stuff like 'I hope you had a fun night etc but yeah I think we're better off as friends'. When I restated my determination to make amends she didn't reply. Until later when I signed into MSN, she was online. I asked if she had got my messages but she said that she'd been at a family thing and was gonna just wait til tomorrow.

So there you guy, childish story, yes Melodramatic, maybe. But the above has me feeling physically sick and I'm extremely angry with myself. Am I now in a situation where I have to just simply accept what happened and move on, let her go? Or do I persist and risk losing contact with her altogether? If the latter is the case, what way should I go about this?

All constructive input is much appreciated

Driseog

Engrossing story. Maybe I'm blind but I can't see why you had to apologise in the first place, ya can't be a mind reader. Sounded like an awful lot of hot and cold was being blown.
Maybe she likes the idea of you being into her but is afraid to reciprocate for some reason. To me it is truely baffling so I can only imagine your own predicament.
The only answer I can come up with is put your cards on the table and if she likes you there shouldn't be a problem.

BertrandMeyer

Love the Simpsons reference! Sorry...

shinny

Driseog wrote: »

Engrossing story. Maybe I'm blind but I can't see why you had to apologise in the first place, ya can't be a mind reader. Sounded like an awful lot of hot and cold was being blown.
Maybe she likes the idea of you being into her but is afraid to reciprocate for some reason. To me it is truely baffling so I can only imagine your own predicament.
The only answer I can come up with is put your cards on the table and if she likes you there shouldn't be a problem.

I was thinking the exact same!

Personally, I'd play it cool now. It seems to me she only reacted when you were with this other girl. It sounds to me like she's one of these girls who likes a bit of a game. So you putting pressure on her is just going to make her run the other way. I think if you stand back a bit now and let her want you, it will work in your favour. I'm just basing this on her reaction to the other girl.

Giblet

Play it cool, play it cool, play it cool. You might want to tell her how you feel, or try explain everything, but don't. Just let it go for now, and try to take it easier next time. Trying to force anything might cause drama.

She probably does like you, and you just have to let her feelings develop. The whole situation is probably getting to her now (you with the other girl, etc) but if she does like you, that'll be forgotten about soon enough and if she does like you, she'll warm to you again most likely if there's no reason for her not to (ie: you try too hard etc).

LegacyUser

"This morning I texted her explaining how I would go to any length to regain the chance that I'd blown" - awful.

Man ,should have never have said this ,it reeks of neediness.Never apologise to a girl for trivial stuff .Youre a man , you were interested in her she messed you around and you were perfectly entitled to move on any girl you like .

Now you need to take a step back and start playing her at her own game . When you see her next act a little aloof (not ignorant) just aloof and see how she reacts. If she really likes you that will f** k her up . All sorts of s**t will be going through her head as to whether you like her or not ,then you have her where you want her.

Terodil

She sounds like a player TBH. You do too, but to a far lesser extent.

The advice to give really depends on what you want now. If you want to play, too, then get up to speed on playing techniques because atm she's lightyears ahead of you.

If you want a relationship, quit playing games, tell her what you feel, and tell her that you are only going to ask once more and that the ball is in her court.

p.s. TBH all this 'hold on 2 secs' + walking off would put me off totally...

G-Money

Hmmmmm, I think this would have done my head in, had I been in your shoes. Either she's hesitating for some genuine reason (doesn't want to ruin the friendship) or she's just playing games with you and getting a little ego boost at the same time.

If it's the former, try and find out why she's hesitating. If it's the latter, drop her instantly and move on straight away.

Either way, back off for now and let her come to you.

Remember, you have to show a willingness to walk away, it's not like she's the only girl out there!

bnagrrl

I think this girl is just leading you on and has no intention of ever having anything more than friendship with you. She'll only wreck your head and break your heart. Give her a wide berth.

Stara

How old are you both? If under 20 this is ok you'll hopefully learn by trial and error. If over well there's a bit of and issue, hopefully you don't want to keep playing the games until a good dose of bitter and twisted helps you realise that relationships aren't about drama..they're about mutual appreciation, wanting to do the best for yourself and the other person,caring, kindness, friendship and love. Forget the serious possession idea and go for flirting, smiling and lack of ego.(this might take 20 years to learn if you've no example to guide you in real life) There's almost 6 billion people on the planet and unless you're planning on making babies with this one keeping your self respect will be more important than thinking she's your only chance for happiness...take it from one who knows..and good luck!! btw women like to be pursued but only by guys who take their time...remember romance?

LegacyUser

I don't know if it was her just playing me like, it was her birthday and she was the centre of attention. All the above advice is appreciated, I know I've come across as needy here but like i said, its been so long since I've had something real with a girl and I dont wanna blow it (seems to have backfired).

I like the idea of just laying it out for her in black and white one more time and seeing how she reacts but would it be best to leave it a few more days to do that?

Thanks for all the advice guys, much appreciated. I'll update if she does get in contact with me later.

Zaph

BertrandMeyer wrote: »

Love the Simpsons reference! Sorry...

Please read the part of the charter dealing with unhelpful and off-topic posts before posting again in this forum.

bnagrrl

Right_Twat wrote: »

I don't know if it was her just playing me like, it was her birthday and she was the centre of attention. All the above advice is appreciated, I know I've come across as needy here but like i said, its been so long since I've had something real with a girl and I dont wanna blow it (seems to have backfired).

I like the idea of just laying it out for her in black and white one more time and seeing how she reacts but would it be best to leave it a few more days to do that?

Thanks for all the advice guys, much appreciated. I'll update if she does get in contact with me later.

I imagine she knows well how you feel about it. I think if she was genuinely interested in you she would have been more receptive to you on the birthday night. Yes she was the centre of attention, but when you asked her out on Monday she just said she'd probably be busy. She didn't say I'm busy Monday, how about Tues/Wed/Thurs etc?

The way I'm reading it: she loved the attention you gave her but she was quite happy to get that attention from someone else too (sitting on another guy's lap). Then when you were kissing another girl suddenly she wasn't happy about this and had someone go over to get you, you came running and again were shot down.
How many more times are you gonna let this girl make a fool of you before you put her in her place?
Sorry if this comes across harsh but really, this girl is playing you.

drusk

She sounds really immature. If she liked you, she'd have made more of an effort to let you know.

I think you should let things lie. Now that she knows how you feel, the ball is in her court. You haven't done anything wrong here - she should have made her feelings for you clear when you gave her plenty of opportunities to do so.

You shouldn't feel like you've "blown it". It sounds to me like she's the one who blew her chances.

LegacyUser

Given that it was our first real time to chat with each other (refer to the 3rd paragraph on my OP) she may have been shy or whatever, that mixed with the fact that it was her birthday and everyone wanted to be talking with her, I just dont know how to appraoch this

Salome

Leave it for now - make her do some running. If she does, then bingo. If she doesn't, then move on.

She sounds too into drama for my liking anyway tbh - birthday or no birthday.

LegacyUser

She got jealous when she saw you with the other girl.
If she liked you, then sitting on other guys laps in front of you was hardly appropriate. It's like she enjoys being a head wreck. She has you wrapped around her finger and she knows it. I'm a girl and if I liked a guy I would never carry on with this sort of behaviour. It's immature, disrespectful and ridiculous. I know it's hard to get over someone you like even if they're not necessarily good for you.
She sounds like an absolute must-be-center-of-attention idiot. If I was you, I'd be heading in another direction. Fast.

Mr. Incognito

Given that it was our first real time to chat with each other (refer to the 3rd paragraph on my OP) she may have been shy or whatever, that mixed with the fact that it was her birthday and everyone wanted to be talking with her, I just dont know how to appraoch this

I'll tell you exactly what to do.

WAKE THE HELL UP.

This girl has ZERO Interest in you.

She only had interest in you when you were away scoring some other girl. This is called jealousy. How DARE you, her plaything not give her your undivided attention.

STOP making excuses for her. STOP Apologising. STOP texting her.

She will come running if you ignore here and then lead you on and drop you again.

If this girl was interested you wouldn't get the "we're best as friends thing".

Part of growing up mate is learning to spot the tools.

Queencake

Mr. Incognito is on the money. Harsh but true.

OP as a girl TRUST me if she was interested in you in any way romantically she would have said yes to seeing you on Monday and if it was actually unworkable for her she would have rearranged the meeting.

The girl in your story really just screams "I luuurve the attention you give me but sorry sug, not happening. But hey, next time I need an ego boost I might mess around with your head a bit more *giggle, eyelash flutter*"

Girls like this do my head in. Have I enjoyed having my ego stroked by having guys interested in me that I wasn't into? Damn right. But I've grown up since. I'm 22 btw so this is really something girls AND guys should grow out of quickly.

Some never do though. I'd wager this girl is really enjoying this - you getting upset about it, messaging her, telling her how sorry you are..:mad:

The Volt

You guys have really set me straight (Yes I'm OP by the way)

Just everything seems hopeless as far as romance goes again, back into the dark so.

Queencake

Voltwad wrote: »

You guys have really set me straight (Yes I'm OP by the way)

Just everything seems hopeless as far as romance goes again, back into the dark so.

Ah don't be so down about it. You'll meet someone else when the time is right and she'll be much better than this one. Seriously, girls who act like this watch too many teen dramas.

TBH if I was you, I'd steer clear of her because I promise you, she will try messing with your head again. Don't let her!

Best of luck on the love front!

The Volt

Thanks for the kind words, just so tired of having to get over girls by now. Jaded is an understatement

Queencake

I know it is corny as hell but it is true...

Don't give away your heart too easily.

You sound like you got smitten with this girl extremely quickly. Her birthday was the first time ye guys had a proper chat you said. Tbh it shouldn't be an issue of getting over her. There's not much to get over. But you invested too much, far too quickly.

So yup in future - heart, give away, easily, big no no...

Wibbs

Queencake wrote: »

But you invested too much, far too quickly.

+1 Invest little unless you're getting some return. If you don't get a return, then you've lost little and there are plenty of banks out there only too willing to take your investment. Jeebus I sound like eddie hobbs.:)

IMHO going overboard emotionally too early with women is one of the biggest mistakes men make. It just simply puts them off 9 times outa 10. It's almost an instinctive thing with them and frankly I can see why it would put them off as it's not an equal relationship.I've actually heard a woman say, more than once, that when she found out the guy was into her, more than she was into him, she didn't fancy him anymore. Now both men and women, depending on the individuals, like a challenge, but IMHO women want more of a challenge in general.

If she's sound then she won't be attracted to you and that'll be that, but if she's a silly bint then it'll put her off, but she'll keep you around for the attention and ego boost and the guy keeps pushing thinking the more he's in her face the more chance he has. The complete opposite is true in 99.99999% of cases.

Lesson learned anyway. Keep your powder dry in future, let it evolve equally and if it's not to your liking walk. Plenty more fish etc.

Oh The Humanity

She got one of her friends (minions) to beckon you over and then was on the phone when you got there and gave you the 'two secs' business. Rude in the extreme and then 'went off on you'

Im not sure in what sense she went off? Went off as in kicked off or walked off, anyway it doesn't matter.

The HEIGHT of ignorance by her.

Firstly she sends someone for you.....diva, primadonna behaviour, you should have ignored the messenger.

Then you go and she is conveninently on the phone :rolleyes: ...you stand there obediently like you have nothing better to do.....ARGH !!! Fail!

Then she goes off!

Can't you see how you were dancing around to her tune? Dont be so obedient! Make your own decisions, dont just be at the beck and call of some idiot girl who doesn't know how to behave!

Also, you said you realised as the night went on that you were into everything about her......no ....you didn't the drink kicked in and she spun her amateur web and you fell right into it.

She was the centre of attention and obviously at the height of her powers, which really isn't that high considering her behaviour!

Look, you need to start thinking with your head not your trousers and learn to weed out timewasters like this!