What do I do?

LegacyUser

Hi all.
Im having at the moment what I would consider a crisis of consience involving,surprise surprise a female.Ive known this girl for approx 9 months and she currently has a boyfriend(I think)Now I have never encroached on another mans happiness but I am finding myself falling quite hard for this girl.Here is the back story,it may be a bit of a long post.

I started a part time college course last September and on the first evening I sat beside this girl,lets call her A.We got chatting during the lecture and immediately hit it off.For the first few weeks we sat beside eachother for every lecture and were emailing eachother pretty much every day.We are quite alike in our interests and have a very similar outlook in life and what we want eg career wise,house,kids etc.

Just before I met her I had sort of started seeing my ex again and continued to see her while my friendship with A developed.Then in October A emailed me one day and asked me would I like to go for a drink after college that evening.Of course me been me took this to be totally innocous and innocent (I basically thought she was out of my league so the idea of dating her had never entered my head) and I sort of made excuses saying I had been at a wedding that weekend so was taking a break from beer for a few weeks.The next week myself and my ex decided that we were going to give things another try and "officially" become a couple again.I carried on mailing A,having the crack with her in class etc and the subject of her asking me to go for a drink came up one day when we were mailing eachother and joking about relationships.It went something along the lines of

Me - Ive no complaints in the female department

A - You must not because you knocked me back when I asked you out
(this is the moment I realised she had asked me out on a date,not just a drink)

Me - Ummmm,I dont think my girlfriend would appreciate me going out with attractive girls she doesnt know

A - Oooooops,didnt know you had a GF

I explained what was going on with me when she asked me out ie was sort of back with my ex and she said no worries.It came up a few times over the next few months but always in a jokey way,say I told A myself and the GF had a row,A would reply "well I wouldnt fight with you over something so trivial ha ha ha" etc.There was never any bitchiness in anything she (A) ever said so as far as I was concerned it was all good.

Anyway,mid December the ex ended it again.I was on facebook a day or 2 after and changed my relationship status to single and literally within 5 minutes A mailed me quizzing me about what had happened.I told her the story and A said some really sweet things to me - how great she thought I was etc.That was grand.We continued the same routine of mailing and texting eachother over xmas and arranged to go on our first date new years eve.Had a great time with her,such a laugh.We talked about the whole situation - breakup and all that and both decided to take things very slowly because 1.she didnt want to be rebound girl(which I totally agreed with) and 2.I didnt want to jump into something too serious that quickly either.We went on 5 or 6 more dates over the next month or so and were getting on great.I was doing what I thought was the right thing and not mailing her the whole time or constantly asking her out (as we had agreed)
She went on holidays in early February and when she came home she was acting a bit strange - her texts wernt as affectionate as they had been,things like that so I asked her what the story was.
On her holidays she was staying with a friend of hers that has been after her for 2 years and they ended up kissing on the third night and continued doing so for the duration of the holiday.They didnt sleep together (neither did we) but she said she only kissed him because she thought I had lost interest in her.I told her I was only doing what we had agreed upon ie keeping it semi casual for a while and that she could have made more of an effort too if she had wanted it to become more serious.She said she wanted to see what happened with her and her friend and I said no worries because I had other stuff going on so really wasnt that bent out of shape over the whole thing.We agreed that if things didnt work out with her and her friend we would start seeing eachother again and see where it lead which was fine by me.Her friend lives in Europe so she has only been over to see him once since the first time she was with him and at that time they decided they were a couple.

Carried on as we were in very regular contact,going out for drinks etc.These last few weeks though Ive started to look at her in a whole new light.I find she is constantly on my mind,when I see her I get a knot in my stomach and to be honest I miss her terribly when Im not around her.

The problem now is I dont know what is happening with her and the guy,he had booked a weekend in Dublin for last weekend weeks ago but he never came here plus he was supposed to come over for a party her family is throwing next weekend but isnt.When they got together first she spoke about him constantly but hasnt mentioned him at all in about a month.He also used to leave heaps of lovey dovey messages on her facebook profile but again,there has been nothing for the last month or so.Her demeanour towards me seems to also have changed.She has become quite touchy feely when we are out and there have been quite a few long and lingering looks between us too.We were out Tuesday night and sitting face to face talking quite intensely and there seemed to be such a massive spark between us.I just wanted to grab her and kiss her and I genuinely struggled to not do that.

Ive been trying to subtley guage what is going on with the guy but thus far am having no success.Its very hard to come out and ask someone have are they still in a relationship (not usually but given the history between A and I I just cant bring myself to ask her outright)

So what do I do?

Do I lay it on the line or do I leave off until I find out whats going on for sure?
I dont know how I will find out though (outside of asking her) because I dont know any of her close friends.

I know Im been a total wuss in not asking her directly but as Ive already stated,I cannot bring myself to do it.I feel like a lovestruck teenager with a crush.Im 30 and she is 26 BTW.

If you made it this far then any comments/observations/advce are more than welcome.

LegacyUser

I'm a guy in my mid 30's by the way.

You say you're trying to find out what's going on with this girl A, and this other guy?

Why don't just just ask her what's happening there? You say you were out with her on Tuesday night??... it's obvious to me that both of you get on well, but you're going to have to ask her, firstly...what's going on with this other guy...and secondly, where does she see the relationship with you...going?

Sounds to me like you're going to have to bite the bullet here, mate. Because if you don't find out what's going on you're going to be wondering all of the time.

Seems to me like you're looking for clarification as regards your relationship with this girl, so you'll have to arrange to go out with her again, and ask her outright.

If she's any feelings towards you, she should at least tell you the truth, because it seems to be that she's leading you on a merry dance somewhat.