No one is ever interested....

LegacyUser

I feel so unattractive! Guys are never interested in me and I'm really starting to think that there's something wrong with me! None of my friends seem to be in this situation so I don't know who to talk to.... Some of my friends tell me how they were talking/flirting to some guy when they were out and I can honestly say that that never happens to me. I do prefer not to be the focus of some guy's attention but the fact that no one ever shows any interest tells me that there must be something wrong with me....

And now I'm mad about this guy and I don't know whether to try to move on or not (cuz I like him A LOT!) It's not as if i can just ask him out cuz, while we're both in college, he's a postgrad and I'm not. I know that I'll never be able to work up the courage to let him know how I feel. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

star-pants

You say you don't like to be the focus of the guy and seem somewhat shy. So perhaps it's a case that you're giving off vibes of someone who's very shy and wants to be left alone so the guys don't try? Or that you don't notice if a guy is expressing interest?

You mention there's a guy you like but he's a postgrad (and I do know that undergrad/postgrad in the same area, where they might be supervising etc is frowned upon). If he's not supervising,marking,teachin you then you can probably try and have a go. Just strike up conversation, and see where it leads, or see if a group of ye can go out for a few drinks and you can try and talk to him there?

sourwine

So you're mad about that guy. Why don't you give it a try? If you try you can fail but if you don't even try, you wouldn't know if he would've said yes.

What do you have to lose if you're convinced no guy likes you? No, seriously, why are you so negative? You say you feel unattractive. That does not mean that you are.
If "nobody" shows any interest in you, maybe something is wrong with them after all? Ever thought about that or is it all you?

Otis Driftwood

Have you spoken to him before?
If so why cant you just ask him out?

Believe me,a female with the mettle to ask me out raises massively in my estimation and all my male friends would think the same.

LegacyUser

I don't think I give out very shy vibes becuz I can be very talkative when I'm with friends.... and it's possible that I don't notice if a guy is interested.

Yes, I can be quite negative. The guys I have gone out with have been complete asses so maybe thats why I am so negative.

Salome

It's possible that you are giving "fcuk off" vibes when you're out - men might pick up on that and feel that you don't want to be approached?

LegacyUser

hey op, I here you, my friends say I'm pretty, but yet I've never had a boyfriend either...
I don't know maybe some of us are just not meant to be in a couple...

SarahSassy

Unregistered wrote: »

I do prefer not to be the focus of some guy's attention

I think this is a crux of the issue....

Unregistered wrote: »

the fact that no one ever shows any interest tells me that there must be something wrong with me....

There is noting wrong with you, you are simply giving off the vibes that you dont want male attention..

I would suspect you feel negative about meeting someone due to your lack of confidence. You say you can chat easily to your friends so maybe stop loooking at each guy you meet as a guy. Just see him as a potential friend and if something else develops then grand.

SarahSassy

Unregistered wrote: »

hey op, I here you, my friends say I'm pretty, but yet I've never had a boyfriend either...
I don't know maybe some of us are just not meant to be in a couple...

If Rosemary West can find a husband (aside from the fact it was Freddie) then anyone can.. Your negative thoughts are self-perpetuating and not only are you convincing yourself that you may not be 'meant to be in a couple' but you are also spreding the word to other people...

LegacyUser

SarahSassy wrote: »

If Rosemary West can find a husband (aside from the fact it was Freddie) then anyone can.. Your negative thoughts are self-perpetuating and not only are you convincing yourself that you may not be 'meant to be in a couple' but you are also spreding the word to other people...

Perhaps...I'm turning 26 soon, I've never been asked on a date, and it seems that everyone else has their OHs and a big circle of friends.

When I was younger I was really shy and found it hard to make friends...think sometimes it can still haunt you...

I'm just saying I know how the OP feels when she feels almost invisible...

G-Money

I'm in a similar boat to the OP, except I'm male and 32. I was always very very shy growing up. In my teens I never kissed a girl. In my twenties I kissed 1 girl who I was sort of seeing for a month and there's been nothing since then. I think in my teens I asked out one girl who kind of just said "no" straight to my face. I also remember being in secondary school and some girls telling me that this other girl fancied me. Being naive I believed them then they turned around and told me they were just messing and the girl wasn't interested. For some reason I feel like that has stuck with me ever since. I remember at the time I refused to fall for that ever again so even when they told me later about some girl liking me, I dismissed it and told them I had a gf.

I don't know if you have low self esteem OP, which may be affecting you. I know I do and I constantly talk negative to myself thinking how unattractive and unappealing I am to women. I constantly think there must be something wrong with me. I've had some female friends say they can't understand how I'm single, which I kind of take to mean something nice. But then I just think 'Ok, there must really be something wrong with me then'.

None of my friends know I'm like this. I usually project a happy enough vibe but lately it's been getting harder to do.

I know a few years ago I was out and one of my female friends brought some of her friends along and one of them liked me. I remember when she told me, I couldn't believe it. I must have asked my friend about 10 times if she wasn't confusing me with someone else. I think that shows how little I think of myself at times.

Anyway it sounds to me like you've low self esteem and low confidence etc. If you like, you can send me a PM, might help us both a bit.

SarahSassy

OP, unregistered and grandmaster,

The common theme here with the 3 of you is that you all believe you wont meet someone and thats what is happening. I am no expert on building confidence but I do know what it is like to be critically shy..

I conquered the shyness but am in no position to advise someone else how to do it but I can say, with total certainly, that as long as you keep telling yourselves 'no one is interested in me' and 'i will never meet a partner' then the longer it will be til you do.

Its time to watch 'the secret' and work on your positive mental attitude.

LegacyUser

I was cripplingly shy too , still am but girls dont notice it anyhow.

What you guys need to do is mentally rehearse . I've done it for years .I'm a musician and the thought of playing live both scares the bejaysus out of me and makes me excited . Last year I had a gig in a very big venue bigger than i've ever had before and I was petrified at the thought anyhow what I did was get pics off the internet and built a picture in my mind of me going on stage with my buddies and having a great set no issues and going off and getting a great response and thats exactly what happened . The beautiful thing is that you can prepare for any pitfalls to the process in your mind .It's an extremely powerful tool (that is your mind) Pele used the process and many athltetes do. i discovered it from my research on tesla the great inventor he never made prototypes of his invention ,he apparently designed and tested all his devices in his mind and their all around you robots ,remote control,microwave ,flourescent lighting and radio.( marconi did not invent radio he plagarised the patent ).