ex problem

scarymoon1

my ex was kinda seeing a girl, he didnt have sex with her only because he didnt have a condom with him. we are friends and he told me. why do i keep thinking about this?? i was with other guys so i shouldnt feel jealous that he NEARLY had sex with some girl.

star-pants

It's always harder to hear when the ex has moved on (whether you have or not). Should you guys really be discussing the sexual side of new relationships with each other? I don't think I could with an ex, too personal.

You just need to try and put it out of your head, and not get any details next time.

scarymoon1

i kept asking questions - i wanted to know. i knew it would hurt me but i had to know. my own faulth.

LegacyUser

Well obviously you still have feelings for him otherwise you wouldnt care. Either stop asking him questions or cut him from your life. You have gone off with other guys since so you have no right to say anything to him about NEARLY being with another girl. If you feel like this and he hasnt done it yet how are you gonna feel when he does! Leave him alone.

Wagon

scarymoon1 wrote: »

my ex was kinda seeing a girl, he didnt have sex with her only because he didnt have a condom with him. we are friends and he told me. why do i keep thinking about this??

Look at the highlighted part. That's the problem.

i was with other guys so i shouldnt feel jealous that he NEARLY had sex with some girl.

As a matter of interest, did you tell him you were with other men at some point?

scarymoon1

ya i told him. and during the night he got jealous of some drunk guy that tried to chat me up. i know he probably never wants to get back with me but i can't help how i feel

CDfm

scarymoon1 wrote: »

ya i told him. and during the night he got jealous of some drunk guy that tried to chat me up. i know he probably never wants to get back with me but i can't help how i feel

I really think you should draw the line about discussing your sex lives with others TMI - its not fair on him or you.

star-pants

scarymoon1 wrote: »

ya i told him. and during the night he got jealous of some drunk guy that tried to chat me up. i know he probably never wants to get back with me but i can't help how i feel

So he tells you about women & you get upset/jealous
You tell him about you & guys & he gets upset/jealous?

either you guys have something to discuss or you guys should not be divulging such information because there's feelings somewhere there and this isn't helping.

CDfm

star-pants wrote: »

So he tells you about women & you get upset/jealous
You tell him about you & guys & he gets upset/jealous?

either you guys have something to discuss or you guys should not be divulging such information because there's feelings somewhere there and this isn't helping.

Agree totally.

Seems like you do not know if you want to be together.

Thats sad and you are trying to be "open" . Guys dont do open very well where you have had an emotional connection you cannot discuss things like you would with a girlfriend.I couldnt and Im a guy.You need to set some boundaries and relationship and intimate stuff is well off those limits for you two.

You probably need to either redefine your friendship or even discuss coupledom but definately what you are doing is neither nice or healthy no matter how well intentioned or mature you are trying to be.

scarymoon1

so what do i do when i can't be with him and can't be without him either?

CDfm

scarymoon1 wrote: »

so what do i do when i can't be with him and can't be without him either?

You need to see if he and you want to be together.

IMHO you were both free agents. You need to ask him if he wants to be your b/f and establish if thats what you both want.

For some its not possible to be friends with an ex. There is no getting back to friendzone.

sogood

scarymoon1 wrote: »

so what do i do when i can't be with him and can't be without him either?

Before attempting to deal with the "problem" of cant be with or without him, you must address the issue of what you really WANT, as opposed to what you FEEL. These are often two very different things. You want to feel sorry for yourself, I suspect. You want to feel hard done by, etc. etc. and he is providing the means, by "nearly" being with someone. You, on the other hand seem to have no problem being with other guys, cos thats what you wanted at that time, it fulfilled your "need" at that time. You cant have your cake and eat it so I'd suggest you stop discussing intimate details with your ex, and start discussing things with yourself, honestly. Its cool to wallow in self pity, poor you, but you're using him to satisfy some emotional need or shortcoming.

LegacyUser

When myself and my ex girlfriend broke up we tried the friends thing and she went on to tell me about a guy she had had sex with and thats not something I wanted to hear. I got really angry in fact and told her not to tell me such things. We then went out with friends for drinks and she scored some guy in front of me and I got jealous. I didnt want her back but I also realised it was impossible to be friends. That was 6 years ago and she was my first girlfriend, since then I have refused to stay friends with any ex. A clean break is the way to do it and in time when you are over the person it is much easier to go back to being friendly without any romantic feelings.

Wagon

scarymoon1 wrote: »

ya i told him. and during the night he got jealous of some drunk guy that tried to chat me up. i know he probably never wants to get back with me but i can't help how i feel

He still lhas felings for you. I imagine that you did the dumping. If you did then you need to stop being friends. You are only using him for the companionship that you had before you broke up while you go off and shag other men. And telling him about it is pretty crappy. Did you ever think that maybe your ex boyfriend doesn't want to hear of your recent bedroom adventures?

scarymoon1 wrote: »

so what do i do when i can't be with him and can't be without him either?

Yes you can. You just like his company. But when you dump someone you have to be prepared for the possibility that they will be gone forever.

scarymoon1

he dumped me.

star-pants

scarymoon1 wrote: »

he dumped me.

So let him live with his decision, he's no right to be jealous or questioning of you with who you see etc. You need to either not be friends or just not talk about dating scene

Wagon

scarymoon1 wrote: »

he dumped me.

Ah! thats a different matter. Sorry i picked up on it wrong. Well then you still have feelings and should probably stop hanging around with him. Ex's can't be mates except in very rare circumstances.

CDfm

scarymoon1 wrote: »

he dumped me.

Then why is he jealous who you sleep with tbh.

Do you mind me asking why or indeed whose idea it is to be friends.?

I would have a chat and unless the guy wants a relationship would end the friendship.