Weirdest things said to you in the Jaxx

az2wp0sye65487

I just remembered something that happened a good while ago in work. I was happily sitting there, giving birth to a little brown baby; minding my own business, as you do.

I hear someone else come into the toilet, and then a voice - "Steviebuns, are you in there?" - I said "No, its Steviecakes" (2 people with same first name in the job)

The voice outside then said, "That's mad, I thought it was Steviebuns, I can usually tell who's in there by the smell"....... and he walked out!


What The Fudge?!?!?!?!

Biggins

This is the ladies!

qz

Fudgedragon :pac:

Sean Quagmire

Where is flutterin'??

James Forde

put your penis in the hole.................

Jet Black

'What are you Doing in there?'

I hate been asked that when Im on the bog, so I always say something different. Like im writing a letter to jesus or dressing up like a clown.

ejmaztec

One wipe or two?

Tar.Aldarion

Well it wasn't words more than a moan. Guy in pub jacks looks over and starts jacking off, good times!

4zn76tysfajdxp

In my experience, people don't...uh...speak to me when I'm in the bathroom.

omyatari

Here to get pissed?

Sleipnir

"You should only ever need two sheets my dear; one to wipe and one to polish. Anything more is just showboating"

ejmaztec

Jesus, that's huge - where's the rest of the elephant?

helimachoptor

In a previous job a large MNC, the toilets on one of the floors were basically a smuttier version of the George.. Anyway I had went to the vending machine which is on the same floor as said toilets (weekend working) and as the building is pretty much empty I said I'll have a hefty number 2.. So about 5 mins into the dump I hear the guy in the next cubicle asking me am I here to have my hole filled as you can imagine I fluppin legged it! never found out who it was that said it to me, never went back to those toilets.

midlandsmissus

ejmaztec wrote: »

Jesus, that's huge - where's the rest of the elephant?

Ah you have to chuckle at men....so obsessed with their size.

Thank god im a woman

Puddleduck

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Ah you have to chuckle at men....so obsessed with their size.

Thank god im a woman

Coz women dont EVAR obsess about their own size...

GalwayKiefer

Came out of a cubicle after blowing my nose with a tissue and was sniffling a bit as you do. Got greeted by a charming gentleman who said "Do ya moind me askin' bud, is it snowin' in there!?" I no longer drink in that pub.

kmick

Went out with a mate and he got wasted beyond belief. There was a guy working in the toilet handing out aftershave etc. as I went into the toilet my mate was coming out and he says to me real serious like "Dont give him any money - he works for me now". I have no idea what it meant it sounds like a line from scarface but I laughed a lot (I was drunk too mind).

ejmaztec

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Ah you have to chuckle at men....so obsessed with their size.

Thank god im a woman

I could have been talking about arses.:P

The BOFH

On my first trip to Perth I was having a slash at the urinal & a big bogan walked in & stepped up and let the loudest fart I've ever heard, he just grinned at me & said; "you gotta have thunder before the rain mate".

midlandsmissus

ejmaztec wrote: »

I could have been talking about arses.:P

Fair enough so

4zn76tysfajdxp

GalKiefer wrote: »

I no longer drink in that pub.

You do cocaine instead?

GalwayKiefer

Ailani Wailing Redneck wrote: »

You do cocaine instead?

Haha, should have concentrated harder on proofing that msg. No, I don't touch the stuff.

Mr Maroon

A complete stranger once said to me "maybe in some years, but not this year". He walked in, said that, then walked out (didn't go to the toilet or anything). Bizarre.

Mr Benevolent

Was in the local pub's toilet running through the fluid escape drill when two seriously drunk guys in their 40's take the urinals next to me. Conversation wents as follows:

Drunk 1: 'So didja get wit yer one last night or wha'?
Drunk 2: 'Yeah, was great! She said she was on her period so I just ****ed her up the arse!'

That's a loud and drunken conversation I won't forget again in a hurry

GalwayKiefer

Mr Maroon wrote: »

..."maybe in some years, but not this year"...

Severely constipated maybe?

Sean Quagmire

kmick wrote: »

Went out with a mate and he got wasted beyond belief. There was a guy working in the toilet handing out aftershave etc. as I went into the toilet my mate was coming out and he says to me real serious like "Dont give him any money - he works for me now". I have no idea what it meant it sounds like a line from scarface but I laughed a lot (I was drunk too mind).

Ha I got a good laugh out of that..reminds me of some of the sh!t drunken mates would say

Capt'n Midnight

Puddleduck wrote: »

Coz women dont EVAR obsess about their own size...

It's much easier for a woman to keep abreast of the size of the competition.

hairymick

Was queing for the jacks in the old oak in cork a few years ago,this scandanavian sounding fella behind me asks"Are you in the quee for the sh1tting?"

4zn76tysfajdxp

GalKiefer wrote: »

No, I don't touch the stuff.

Keepin' your hands clean, gotcha.

GalwayKiefer

Ailani Wailing Redneck wrote: »

Keepin' your hands clean, gotcha.

Someone woke up on the smartarse side of bed this morning didn't they!? :P

Just remembered a time when i was in Church in London (club that opens during the day on a Sunday - brilliant place) and the toilet attendant guy was singing really loudly to everyone "Freshen up for punanny!" over and over again to the tune of some song I can't place. Mate of mine asked him for Lynx and the guy sprayed his shirt then his crotch! My friend was so shocked he just threw a £ into the tip jar and walked out.

Terry

Not heard, but seen.
Was at a boards event last week and went into a cubicle.
A few people had written "Yore Ma!" on the walls and I just cracked up laughing.

A certain boardsie mentioned later that I was laughing at that, but I hadn't mentioned it to him, so I'm going to blame it on him.

Snowie

i would of found what ice cubes dad said to him friday when hes on the ttoilet strange

A taka dog and put my foot up his ass bang bang bang all day long thats ma pleasure

yoshytoshy

Waiting to drop a hot and curly one ,this guy comes out from the cubicle with a load of coke.
He invites me in for some and I refuse ,then he winks at me and says "You don't know what your missing love" :eek::rolleyes:

FlutterinBantam

Jeez

Some hot shítters here indeed.

Was in a hotel(pub) in South Africa, outside Ladysmith. Sat night the place was hopping went in for a dump but the one cube was occupied.

Flutt was waiting when in comes a big 22stone rooineck,takes one look at the bog, backs over to the urinals ,drops the safari suit pants, and fcukin p l a s t e r s the pot top to bottom with fawn matter.

Suits up without a word and says"Never drink that Juba beer Yaapie,I'm tilling you,you cawnt hold it in"

The Flutther was mightily impressed.

leitrim lad

was in the local a few years ago and there is a kinda partition between urinals and cubicals ,anyway was having a leak talking to a fellow friend about a certain stunner whom i had spent the previos night with ,and spilt a few details that was kinda between me and my friend until my father walked out of the cubicle and stared me out of it,

that wasnt embarressing enough to hear my grand father grunting and coffing in the other cubicle, and he let a shout out at me , just as this girls father walked into the toilets,

"i suppose knowing you, you will be after her mother tonight"

Acacia

Drunk woman in the bathroom, to me:"Do you believe in God?"

Drunk me: "Eh...I don't know..eh"

Woman: "Cause I don't think I do...ye know?"

Drunk me: "Eh..."

Woman: "It's funny...isn't it?" Walks out.

Me: "Eh, right so."

Why alcohol and theological debate don't mix.

Epic Tissue

Some guy in a pub in Belgium was convinced I had drugs to sell him. That's probably my only semi-weird experience:p

hussey

Waiting in line for a urinal, there was 3 of them.

The guy ahead of me was p*ssed as a fart, fairly old man, when the guy on the Right hand side finished up, the old man stumbled over, unzipped and then said

"Ah for f*ck sake, pointed to me, here you go here, I'll wait on these two"

Above the urinal, someone had written
"Express Lane - 4 pints or less"

Tusky

This was said to a friend of mine in the toilets of Dorans. Anyone familiar with the toilets in Dorans will know that they have those strange urinal cakes that make a squeaking noise.

My friend was taking a peepee when the guy next to him (a rather strange looking foreign guy) turned his head towards him. He had an extremely intense/serious look on his face and also seemed a bit demented.

He motioned to the urinal cakes and said (in a strong foreign accent) "they scream cause they want your piss...".

Without so much as a smile, he zipped up and left the toilet.

BuddyGlass

At the next urinal. Some aul lad. "So... how long has that been in use?" :eek:

3hn2givr7mx1sc

Was at a Comedy gig in vicar st. and i went down to the jax and i was washin me hands and this foreign chap with all his colognes turned ta me and said "me spray u now?".. i was a bit drunk and thought this was hilarious.. better than the comedian:p

AlmightyCushion

Not really heard but seen. I was in a nightclub once and was desperate for a piss so off to the toilets I went. Open the door and go around the corner to the urinals only to some insanely drunk girl who was in a mess taking a dump into the urinal. I started laughing, took out my phone and took a picture, then turned around and went to the other bathroom.

Sharpshooter

Was sitting on a sink in a nightclub one night because I had sprained my ankle on the wet floor and this guy comes in and takes my pic, then proceeds into the nearest cubical.
cue strange noises.
I was so

S.I.R

Sharpshooter wrote: »

Was sitting on a sink in a nightclub one night because I had sprained my ankle on the wet floor and this guy comes in and takes my pic, then proceeds into the nearest cubical.
cue strange noises.
I was so

take it as a complament...


atleast someone is admiring your...

...


Unique looks ??

:pac:

galwayrush

When i was about 13, i was asked if i wanted to make a quick fiver,just replied, do it yourself ya queer ****er and ran.

minxie

nice rack

galwayrush

minxie wrote: »

nice rack

That must have been in the Stage Door.:D

minxie

galwayrush wrote: »

That must have been in the Stage Door.:D

went in there once and came out screaming :pac: