"We've been observing your earth"

CUCINA

A super advanced civilisation from the other side of the universe sends an exploration crew to study our planet. They marvel at some of the highly organised societies they find here, like ants, bees, and dolphins. But they are puzzled at the anomolies and oddities of a race called humans. They make a list of what they see...

A stream of metal boxes being propelled by ancient technology along a road. Most have one occupant, but room for three more, yet all travel in the same direction, using three times more precious oil reserves than they need to.

Observe people on African continent walking miles each day for a container of clean water, while millions of gallons of clean water used every day to wash above ancient-technology machines.

People inhale poisonous smoke, then breathe out and poison those around them

Some wear strange plastic things on their faces, supported by the forces of gravity on their noses and ears

What else is on their list????

omyatari

tom cruise knows all about it.

dan719

Fail.

Saibh

CUCINA wrote: »

Some wear strange plastic things on their faces, supported by the forces of gravity on their noses and ears

Goes off to invent a name for those strange plastic things...

Loomis

Incredulous at those that leave the toilet seat up, lazy bastards that they are.

Captain Darling

CUCINA wrote: »

What else is on their list????

People making semi pompous, meandering posts on the internet whilst pausing to smell their own smug farts because they smell so good.

Pherekydes

"Klaatu barada nikto"


Translation: Klaatu is dead. Nuke the bastards.

Highsider

ET phone home

fryup

dan719 wrote: »

Fail.

what does that stand for??

Pherekydes

fryup wrote: »

what does that stand for??

Not pass.

Saibh

fryup wrote: »

what does that stand for??

Funny Aliens Institute (of) Linguistics

johnny_knoxvile

The aliens were very impressed by Mary Harney's ability to eat Mars, Milky Way & Planets...

...and i'm not talking about chocolate made Cadburys.

Jesus Wept

Mary Harney's weight references are the new 'Yore ma!' around here, except they're worse, they should be treated with even more contempt, I'm fúcking sick of reading them, they're the anti-funny.

Pherekydes

The-Rigger wrote: »

Mary Harney's weight references...

I'd like to refer you to the 'swine fever' thread...


(Since she's the Minister of Health)

Jesus Wept

I prefer to call it Piggy fever.

Numina

CUCINA wrote: »

Most have one occupant, but room for three more

Then why are there 4 passenger seat belts?

FlutterinBantam

Spinning rapidly.................................

Loomis

Bringing in penalty points for invalid NCT cert but shutting down the NCT website and not answering phones when people ring to make an appointment.

Rented Mule

The-Rigger wrote: »

I prefer to call it Piggy fever.

Does Mary Harney dance with John Travolta in that one ?

johnny_knoxvile

The-Rigger wrote: »

Mary Harney's weight references are the new 'Yore ma!' around here, except they're worse, they should be treated with even more contempt, I'm fúcking sick of reading them, they're the anti-funny.

Mary Harney is the new Chuck Norris.

Rented Mule

johnny_knoxvile wrote: »

Mary Harney is the new Chuck Norris.

Livestock cooks itself when she looks at them.

johnny_knoxvile

The-Rigger wrote: »

Mary Harney's weight references are the new 'Yore ma!' around here, except they're worse, they should be treated with even more contempt, I'm fúcking sick of reading them, they're the anti-funny.

Mary Harney is the new Chuck Norris.

She gave birth to Chuck Norris... And then ate a hospital.

Hagar

.....

Naos

Mr. Anderson wrote: »

Bringing in penalty points for invalid NCT cert but shutting down the NCT website and not answering phones when people ring to make an appointment.

Upon completing a test for these metal boxes, a person is issued a "Certificte of Competency" proving they can operate this metal box, however is unable to drive on the motorway until they send away and receive a small pink sheet.

Rented Mule

Hagar wrote: »

Mary Hearney ate the old Chuck Norris.

Wait until you see how Chuck gets out of this one !!

johnny_knoxvile

Mary Harney would eat ET, Mork & Mindy, The Darleks and the cast of Star Trek in the one sandwhich.

Rented Mule

johnny_knoxvile wrote: »

Mary Harney would eat ET, Mork & Mindy, The Darleks and the cast of Star Trek in the one sandwhich.

So quickly that warp speed, FTS and hyperspace would seem like slow motion.

Mr.Lizard

CUCINA wrote: »

A super advanced civilisation from the other side of the universe sends an exploration crew to study our planet. They marvel at some of the highly organised societies they find here, like ants, bees, and dolphins. But they are puzzled at the anomolies and oddities of a race called humans. They make a list of what they see...

A stream of metal boxes being propelled by ancient technology along a road. Most have one occupant, but room for three more, yet all travel in the same direction, using three times more precious oil reserves than they need to.

Observe people on African continent walking miles each day for a container of clean water, while millions of gallons of clean water used every day to wash above ancient-technology machines.

People inhale poisonous smoke, then breathe out and poison those around them

Some wear strange plastic things on their faces, supported by the forces of gravity on their noses and ears

What else is on their list????

Toilet paper.

johnny_knoxvile

Rented Mule wrote: »

Does Mary Harney dance with John Travolta in that one ?

haha!

I think she was in Feeder too.

And the smash hit comedy "There's Someting About Mary (Harney)"

Smart Bug

The Earth and entire solar system orbit in an ever decreasing circle around Mary Harney's black hole.

Rented Mule

Smart Bug wrote: »

The Earth and entire solar system orbit in an ever decreasing circle around Mary Harney's black hole.

Which brings you straight into the bowels of hell !!

Paddy Samurai

CUCINA wrote: »

A super advanced civilisation from the other side of the universe sends an exploration crew to study our planet. They marvel at some of the highly organised societies they find here, like ants, bees, and dolphins. But they are puzzled at the anomolies and oddities of a race called humans. They make a list of what they see...

A stream of metal boxes being propelled by ancient technology along a road. Most have one occupant, but room for three more, yet all travel in the same direction, using three times more precious oil reserves than they need to.

Observe people on African continent walking miles each day for a container of clean water, while millions of gallons of clean water used every day to wash above ancient-technology machines.

People inhale poisonous smoke, then breathe out and poison those around them

Some wear strange plastic things on their faces, supported by the forces of gravity on their noses and ears

What else is on their list????

Nothing else!...........because while they are watching all that crap,making their lists and scratching their heads,we'll sneak up on these alien mutant fcuk b@stards and terminate these civilised assholes.

destroyer

Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney

Rented Mule

destroyer wrote: »

Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney
Mary Harney

Awwwww Shyte !!!

They've succeeded in cloning her !!!

Run away, run away, run away !!!!

johnny_knoxvile

Rented Mule wrote: »

Awwwww Shyte !!!

They've succeeded in cloning her !!!

Run away, run away, run away !!!!

she would kill all the clones just like she killed all the dinosaurs!

...is this the Mary Harney is better than Chuck Norris Thread?

The Mad Hatter

Smart Bug wrote: »

The Earth and entire solar system orbit in an ever decreasing circle around Mary Harney's black hole.

You mean where her conscience should be?



(what, I'm not allowed point out more important areas where she's flawed?)

Biggins

CUCINA wrote: »

A super advanced civilisation from the other side of the universe sends an exploration crew to study our planet. They marvel at some of the highly organised societies they find here, like ants, bees, and dolphins. But they are puzzled at the anomolies and oddities of a race called humans. They make a list of what they see...

A stream of metal boxes being propelled by ancient technology along a road. Most have one occupant, but room for three more, yet all travel in the same direction, using three times more precious oil reserves than they need to.

Observe people on African continent walking miles each day for a container of clean water, while millions of gallons of clean water used every day to wash above ancient-technology machines.

People inhale poisonous smoke, then breathe out and poison those around them

Some wear strange plastic things on their faces, supported by the forces of gravity on their noses and ears

What else is on their list????

Eh?

destroyer

Any chance of a poll here? Mary or Chuck who is the greatest?

Swampy

dan719 wrote: »

Fail.

I agree but would also like to add an "Epic"

faceman

CUCINA wrote: »

A super advanced civilisation from the other side of the universe sends an exploration crew to study our planet. They marvel at some of the highly organised societies they find here, like ants, bees, and dolphins. But they are puzzled at the anomolies and oddities of a race called humans.

Clearly they arent super advanced if they came to study a lesser civilisation on earth.

I reckon they would like Susan Boyle though.

midlandsmissus

CUCINA wrote: »

A super advanced civilisation from the other side of the universe sends an exploration crew to study our planet. They marvel at some of the highly organised societies they find here, like ants, bees, and dolphins. But they are puzzled at the anomolies and oddities of a race called humans. They make a list of what they see...

A stream of metal boxes being propelled by ancient technology along a road. Most have one occupant, but room for three more, yet all travel in the same direction, using three times more precious oil reserves than they need to.

Observe people on African continent walking miles each day for a container of clean water, while millions of gallons of clean water used every day to wash above ancient-technology machines.

People inhale poisonous smoke, then breathe out and poison those around them

Some wear strange plastic things on their faces, supported by the forces of gravity on their noses and ears

What else is on their list????

Why dont we all DO something about africa then instead of whinging about it.

For us to co-exist in a world where people are starving to death is a disgrace.

I'm going over to volunteer this year. If we all did something we'd make a start.

Naos

Rented Mule wrote: »

Awwwww Shyte !!!

They've succeeded in cloning her !!!

Run away, run away, run away !!!!

Why are you running, it's not like she's going to be able to catch you if you walk.

Capt'n Midnight

the OP has been reading Autogeddon

well worth a look

Capt'n Midnight

A U T O G E D D O N
An excerpt from the epic poem by
Heathcote Williams
from Whole Earth Review, Fall 1987: 26-29.
http://cfu.freehostia.com/Members/colin/autogeddon/

IN 1885 Karl Benz constructed the first automobile.
It had three wheels, like an invalid car,
And ran on alcohol, like many drivers.

Since then about seventeen million people have been killed by them
In an undeclared war;
And the whole of the rest of the world is in danger of being run over
Due to squabbles about their oil.

If an alien was to hover a few hundred yards above the planet
It could be forgiven for thinking
That cars were the dominant life-form,
And that human beings were a kind of ambulatory fuel cell:
Injected when the car wished to move off,
And ejected when they were spent.
...

THIS is half-way house.
Half the world’s paychecks are auto-related,
Half the world’s resources are auto-devoted,
And half the world will be involved in an auto-accident
At some time during their life.
...

But of course,
If you’re conceived in a car as many are.
If you first fúcked in a car as many have.
If you go to work in a car,
And if you derive most of your pleasure, food and sustenance via cars,
You’re going to defend them to the death.

Numbers dead have risen to 25 million since/

johnny_knoxvile

Naos wrote: »

Why are you running, it's not like she's going to be able to catch you if you walk.

down hill Mary Harney can pick up serious momentum!

Loomis

Bob Saget!