Irish Girls...

Darr3nG

A sweeping generalisation, I know...

But, what's up with asking a girl out in this country? :rolleyes:

You're out in a pub/club, wherever and you meet someone - good looking, friendly, easy to talk to. You get on well, share numbers, maybe get a kiss...

But if you ask them to dinner, movie or otherwise... Damn!

I quizzed some of my male friends and they look at me as if I've 2 heads. Fair enough if you're just looking for a one night, quick ride. I don't know if they've been shot down or just never tried it.

My female friends thought pretty much the same... Mad! They suggested I try for a drink first, see how you get on and move on from there.

Maybe it's just a Donegal thing, but asking a girl out seems to be a big NO NO.

When I'm away from home, there never seems to be a problem. It's just like TV, you can ask a girl out, meet her and see how it goes.

The last girl I asked out said she was shocked and had never been actually asked out before. What is up with that?

Reason i'm asking is that I'm just fed up with the club scene and would love to just meet girls in another, more relaxed environment.

So? What say you, Irish Girls? How would you respond to a fella asking you to dinner?

paddyc

The last girl I asked out said she was shocked and had never been actually asked out before. What is up with that?

i see your from donegal...was she your sister by any chance

star-pants

If you get on well, chat, exchange numbers & even kiss, next step is texting or calling soon. Is this what you do? and then ask them out?

BubbleWrap85

To be honest, I think most girls would find dinner a bit formal. If it's awkward between you at all the evening will drag. I don't think most would find a problem with the cinema though! I know it kind of defeats the purpose of "getting to know each other" as you're not talking for maybe 2 hours whilst the film is on, but you're still in each others company and it gives you opportunity to loosen up. I think every girl would like to text/phone a bit before a dinner date. I don't know if asking out and the likes is the done thing here. I like doing it but I know some would find it awkward.

If you swap numbers, give her a text and see how the conversation goes. You can phone her. Then see about meeting up. Lots of girls [and guys] have been messed around by the opposite sex and may be just wary! To be fair, I got asked out to dinner by a guy in a pub and I thought it was such a sweet thing to do! We ended up going to the cinema, as I thought dinner would be too awkward!I suppose some people get uncomfortable eating around people they don't know - imagine if you went to an Italian, pasta sauce all around your face/her face is SO not a good look for the first date!

LegacyUser

Think most people would not recommend dinner for a 1st date, just in case you don't get on but I think if you've met & then chat during the week you will know if you will have a good idea already if you will get on. For my 1st date with boyfriend (met via internet & was after a couple of weeks talking) he asked me to a dinner with a club he was in ... little did I know it was a full formal dinner do with 70-80 people, I got some surprise but I had a great night in the end & it's something we won't forget in a hurry!
I went for it, other girls will too.
Maybe you are very young - they'd prefer a few drinks & clubbing?

Darr3nG

paddyc wrote: »

i see your from donegal...was she your sister by any chance

Naw, she's too young for me

LegacyUser

if someone asked me to the cinema on the first or second date i'd never agree to go out with them ever!

there is no point in going to the cinema on a date. that's something you do AFTER you've gotten to know each other.

i wouldn't be too keen to go to dinner either. i'd be too uncomfortable on the first date to do that.

Aloysius Flyte

Dinner is a lovely idea and the fact that you want to go on a date is commendable, given that there are Irish men who alas never ask girls out on dates.:(:(

However, dinner can drag for a terribly long time if you've nothing to talk about. Personally I think a 1st date should involve doing something, other than drinking or eating. Where the focal point where you are rather than having to fill gaps and talk about yourself or hear the same questions....

So, depending where you live, you could go to an exhibition, gallery or museum. Or if that doesn't float your boat, bowling or something that you can do together.

If that doesn't work, suggest lunch, it's over in a hour max. So if its bad, well, it'll be over soon and if its good, great, you got another date.

Stheno

what age are you OP?

Nevyn

Tbh if a person is not intresting enough and well read enough to converse over dinner and have good manners then I can't see a relationship devleoping at all.

Whats so wrong with a dinner date, it's a good start imho.

Darr3nG

star-pants wrote: »

If you get on well, chat, exchange numbers & even kiss, next step is texting or calling soon. Is this what you do? and then ask them out?

Sometimes...

But I'm talking about meeting someone for the first time, being in their company for a night. Getting on really well. Why is there such an issue with wanting to meet them in a 'quieter' location where you can actually talk and get to know them.

There's only so much you can find out about a person in 160 text characters...

Like I said,I found it alot easier with foreigners (England, Italy, America). It seems to be socially acceptable there.

Darr3nG

Right, some background.

I'm 30. I was in a long term relationship (10 yrs).

When I started going out again, I did the whole pub/club one-night-stand thing and found it just wasn't for me.

I got a shock at how easy it was to talk to girls, but when I showed any interest, more than just texting and flirting, just never seemed to get anywhere.

star-pants

Odd because if I got on with someone I met, and exchanged numbers, possibly a kiss, and they asked me out to dinner, I'd accept. In fact, I have done. Even with someone I only knew online.

LegacyUser

Well do you ask them for dinner when you 1st meet them - that might be a bit much? Get their number & then chat on phone & ask.
No point complaining about Irish girls & saying foreign girls are easier to ask out to to dinner - then you should be hitting on foreign girls. When in Rome & all that.
Keep at it and you will meet that woman who will be perfect for you and will say yes to a dinner date.

The Irish, don't think we 'date' really, we shift & shag & maybe dinner might be scary & seem expensive to young girls?

MadgeBadge

I'd be delighted if someone asked me out for dinner. Ok, I'd probably counter-ask them out for a drink instead, but still I'd be thrilled. It shows you're keen.

Darr3nG

Unregistered wrote: »

The Irish, don't think we 'date' really, we shift & shag & maybe dinner might be scary & seem expensive to young girls?

This is what I thought.

So, what are my options? Struggle on at the night club, shouting over the music? There has to be a better way!

I will keep at it, have no fear. Ms. Right is there somewhere...

Stheno

Years ago I worked in a nightclub, and Sunday night was always dead, and was jokingly called "Cinema night" as it was the night that couples who met on Fri/Sat went to the cinema on the second date

Anyway OP, that aside, I'd say that if you meet someone in a pub/club, get on well, exchange numbers etc, then perhaps meet up for a coffee/lunch after as a next date, and then suggest dinner?

I am going to assume here that the women you are meeting are primarily in the 20-30 age bracket?

If so then certainly I imagine some of those who are towards the younger end of that scale might find dinner straight after meeting someone in a nightclub daunting, whilst agreeing with those who have said that a dinner date is a good option.

Good luck!

Driseog

I was having a similar conversation with a friend recently and apart from chatting up a girl and getting a number when your out on the town, I couldn't imagine how else to go about it. I often thought if you a struck up conversation with a girl in a shop or somewhere and you asked them to go for coffee would they look at ya like ya have two heads? Dinner would definetly be too much.

Stheno

Driseog wrote: »

I was having a similar conversation with a friend recently and apart from chatting up a girl and getting a number when your out on the town, I couldn't imagine how else to go about it. I often thought if you a struck up conversation with a girl in a shop or somewhere and you asked them to go for coffee would they look at ya like ya have two heads? Dinner would definetly be too much.

You can only try Coffee/a drink seems a fine suggestion to me

Darr3nG

I was in a cafe not too long ago when a girl walked in. Absolutely stunning.

We made eye contact and continued to do so with the occasional smile throughout.

She was with an older lady, her mother I guessed, but I made up my mind to approach... It took a bit of courage build up, but I thought, nothing to lose.

Went up and said hello, apologised for being forward and went on to say that I thought she looked well and asked would it be OK to get her number, maybe meet for a drink (no dinner, we were already in a cafe )

Realising the embarrassment factor, the giggles and red face, i wrote my number on a napkin and said my goodbyes. She texted me later to say that she was already engaged but my approach was unique and would've worked otherwise.

I don't do this all the time, but do you think it would work to my advantage?

BubbleWrap85

Fair play to you! Definitely a unique approach! Can work to your advantage in some cases, others would find it a little strange! No definitive answer when it comes to women [or men!] am afraid!!! Some will like it, some won't! You just have to look for the ones that will!!

Stheno

I'd say it's at least worth a try

That said, I asked both the last two guys in my life out initially One of them I was with 11 years

LegacyUser

Sounds like you're on the right track OP.

Cinema is a crap first date, but dinner is very cool, but scary for most young girls.

I'm an older chick. Over the years I've noticed there is an art to asking a girl out, as a previous poster pointed out.

Chat a bit, let girl talk about her. But not to much. Smile, stay straight 'you're really cool, I''d like to see you again (act bashful), here is my number (written out before), if you ever fancy it, cool, if you dont, nice meeting you anyway. Hold gaze; laugh bashfully, hold eye contact; smile again. WALK.

Seriously, WALK. The ball is in her court.

Girls love guys who know what they want (her) but know they will take their hotness elsewhere its not happening.

Personally I think a drink is not a bad first date, as long as no-one drinks too much.

Flirting is play. Keep it fun!

thebiggestjim

I went on a first date to a comedy club before. You are able to have a few drinks, chat between the acts and usually both parties are in good form from all the laughing. I would highly recommend it.

LegacyUser

:S i can get were the OP is coming from, Ireland is so different .. There is this kind of fear of intimacy i dunno. Im not giving out about it or anything its just that its different from most other countries.. Why would dinner be uncomfortable? Or cinema?

Wibbs

TBH I think we are being a bit blinkered about this idea of "irish girls". Every culture brings it's own baggage and lord knows we have some of our own on the sexual front, but..... I've dated a few non irish women and their cultural heritage for want of a better word, can also cause problems or misunderstandings. I do think that irish guys may have a skewed perception of "foreign women" because generally if they're meeting them in Ireland they're dealing with someone who has made a decision to move country and settle elsewhere, so IMHO that makes them different, usually more independent and more straight forward. I'm quite sure an irish women living in say france is going to be a different person than if she stayed here. My take anyway and I'm sure it's the same for guys too.

The only thing I have personally found different in "irish women", is a particular defensiveness on a night out. They're not as approachable I would say and can be quite harsh, or appear harsher than other coultures I've dealt with. There is an expectation that you're trying to get the legover tm with each one you talk with even if you're about as interested as a great white shark in a veggie burger. They're defo not as good at harmless flirtation. The prettier they are the more this tends to be the case. Obviously a huge generalisation, but that is my personal take and it could well be argued that this is as much to do with the amount of gargle on board with a lot of irish men. Chicken egg scenario. I've said in AH where this stuff gets trotted out with the regularity of an atomic clock, that I think irish women are great for the most part and so are irish men, we're just not that great with each other sometimes.:)

unregistered wrote:

Cinema is a crap first date, but dinner is very cool, but scary for most young girls.

I'm an older chick. Over the years I've noticed there is an art to asking a girl out, as a previous poster pointed out.

Chat a bit, let girl talk about her. But not to much. Smile, stay straight 'you're really cool, I''d like to see you again (act bashful), here is my number (written out before), if you ever fancy it, cool, if you dont, nice meeting you anyway. Hold gaze; laugh bashfully, hold eye contact; smile again. WALK.

Seriously, WALK. The ball is in her court.

Girls love guys who know what they want (her) but know they will take their hotness elsewhere its not happening.

Personally I think a drink is not a bad first date, as long as no-one drinks too much.

Very good advice there I must say. The bashful bit is the only part I would slightly, though only slightly disagree with, though because of the defensiveness I noted before, maybe this is a better bet? I personally wouldn't have the number pre organised. It may look way too practiced kinda thing. Everyone has phones with them so get her to put it into her phone on the spot. Dead right re the WALK part though, Very important.

puglover

Darr3nG wrote: »

This is what I thought.

So, what are my options? Struggle on at the night club, shouting over the music? There has to be a better way!

I will keep at it, have no fear. Ms. Right is there somewhere...

I've gone to dinner for quite a few first dates... is pretty much the norm down here in Limerick I think, well among my friends anyway. Wouldn't advise the cinema though, can't talk there so not good for getting to know each other.

Speaking as a grown woman I think your approach is spot on Darren and I'm gobsmacked at the responses you've gotten to your question.

Taking a woman out to dinner is a great start and I can't for the life of me figure out why it's such a big deal.

Good food, wine, conversation, hopefully in a romantic setting .... what more do you need to set up a good date?

(The only possible reason I can think of is that (at least some years back when I was dating) dinner could be considered a kind of investment on the part of the guy (as it was more expensive then) so a ... ahem ... return would be expected )

Films are a great date too ... you meet up, chat/coffee, head in to a dark room and sit SO close without touching (except accidentally-on-purpose ), sidelong glances ... then after you've got the film itself as a subject of conversation to get the ball rolling.

Go for a drink? Meh.

Having said all that ANY date can go pete tong if the two of you don't click but the half the fun is trying!

I used to think dating was hard here because I assumed the lads didn't have the balls to make the first move but if this is the kind of response they're getting ... :rolleyes:

You keep doing what you're doing and more power to you!

IanCurtis

Dinner is a bit much for a first date - if it's crap, you're stuck there the whole night. Worse in a small town, cos you're bound to see someone you know and it'll be a big deal then.

Meet in a pub for a drink first. You can talk and it's not really "coupley".

If that goes well, then dinner is good for a second date. It's worked for me many times when I was in same situation.

RacoonQueen

I've never been asked out by and Irish guy. English guys, yes, Irish, no. When I was first 'asked out' I was like whaaaat? :pac: My English female and male friends were shocked when I told them that I'd never been asked out before when I told them about 5 years or so ago. Irish guys just don't seem to ask women out so when they do it can be a bit shocking.

Shivers26

Do you really think girls are shocked when you ask them out on dates? Maybe its just a preconceived notion that if you score someone in a nightclub you are unlikely to see them again.

I have been asked out on a few dates but I dont think any where with people I met in nightclubs. I wouldnt have usually given out my phone number in those situations anyway (back in the day).

My current boyfriend asked me out on a date but it was a drink and a movie, nothing too heavy.

I think its nice to be asked out but I dont think girls should be so shy about doing the asking if they think there is a mutual attraction.

iguana

I can't believe that dinner is seen as too much for a first date? I've always felt that was the norm. On my first date with my first boyfriend we went to dinner, I was 16. I think the majority of relationships I've been in have involved going to dinner or a movie (or dinner and a movie) very early on.

Except with my husband, our first date was for breakfast.:cool:

Nevyn

tbh if a person is uncomfortable at being able to hold a converstaion and conduct themselves with resonably good manners when out to dinner it tells a hell of a lot about them imho.

LegacyUser

I find the complete opposite. Most girls I seem to meet have no desire for one night stands and want serious relationships. It sucks to be me.

Rob_l

Thaedydal wrote: »

tbh if a person is uncomfortable at being able to hold a converstaion and conduct themselves with resonably good manners when out to dinner it tells a hell of a lot about them imho.

I dont think its anything about being able to talk or having manners.

I think a first date is more about getting a person to be relaxed around with you and finding out if you both like each other enough to carry on.

For these reasons I find thats it much easier to do the more casual meeting for a drink thing or even a coffee if your not an alcoholic like me, its a lot less socially pressured than a dinner I feel, also its a lot less of an investment for both parties as depending on where you go dinner can be expensive enough. Finally its a lot easier to end a casual drink if it starts going bad than a dinner.

RossFixxxed

Yes ALL Irish girls are exactly the same and respond exactly the same to all men who aren't you, because we are also all the same (except you).

Sure there's a bit of a trend of over confident, rude women out there, but there's a lot of stupid blokes too.... But it's not ALL women jaysus!

Has anyone tried being nice, open, chatty, interesting etc? Or do ALL women not like that?

Cough.

Polleta

I have been asked out by Irish guys but I was the one to ask my British ex out for dinner.

I have turned down a few of these guys for different reason across the years(Other guy already in my life, the guy being firmly in the friendzone etc).

The only time I've found dinner to be an intimidating first date was a guy who came on very strong and to be honest he scared me. He wouldn't take no for an answer even though I was seeing someone else. Sometimes it is good to just chat, exchange numbers say nice meeting you would be good to chat in a quieter environment and as was said previously walk away!

I had a lovely dinner date very recently and we didnt stick to the no contact just after or before as we are very close friends outside of the budding relationship.


I'm a girl in her mid twenties by the way.

Nevyn

Eating out doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg and it's easy enough to do a first date which is lunch or an early dinner that way you can have an extraction plan if needed and not waste the rest of your evening.

Tinchy

Thaedydal wrote: »

tbh if a person is uncomfortable at being able to hold a converstaion and conduct themselves with resonably good manners when out to dinner it tells a hell of a lot about them imho.

im sure the girl would be able to hold a decent conversation but i think the thought of spending a few hours at dinner with a guy you only met once at a club can be a bit daunting as the girl could be afraid they MIGHT run out of things to talk about etc..

im from donegal too OP and generally guys dont really ask girls out on 'dates', so i can see why the girl was a bit shocked.
it does depend on their age though.
best thing to do is get her number, text her few times, see how you get along, then arrange cinema, bowling, drinks etc..

i also think cinema is best for a first date, you can relax during the film, have something to talk about after, some may disagree.

bnagrrl

I don't think cinema is good for a first date - sitting beside each other in silence for 2 or 3 hours? Wouldn't be for me. I'd rather go for a drink in a quiet bar or a meal where we could sit and chat and learn more about each other.

My first date with my now fiance was dinner. If I was single now and a man asked me out to dinner I would love it! I think a dinner date is the perfect date.

Wagon

RossFixxxed wrote: »

Y
Sure there's a bit of a trend of over confident, rude women out there, but there's a lot of stupid blokes too.... But it's not ALL women jaysus!

Has anyone tried being nice, open, chatty, interesting etc? Or do ALL women not like that?

It's hard to find the nice ones.

Cough.

Swine flu. Get yourself to the doctor.

pow wow

Thaedydal wrote: »

tbh if a person is uncomfortable at being able to hold a converstaion and conduct themselves with resonably good manners when out to dinner it tells a hell of a lot about them imho.

I think that's a wee bit harsh. I can chat with the best of them and I'd find dinner a little 'full on' for a first date with someone I didn't know at all. It's rather formal and if you're scoffing there's not too much room for chit chat and getting to know each other...especially when you add in the ear-flapping of other diners. Not to mention the parsley-in-my-teeth scenario!!

I've never been on a proper date in Ireland, it just doesn't seem to be the way things are done here. Thankfully with age things have moved forward a little from the 'see my friend over there...he think's you're mad sexy' routine

RacoonQueen

pow wow wrote: »

Thankfully with age things have moved forward a little from the 'see my friend over there...he think's you're mad sexy' routine

Not much though. I've recently gotten a 'he fancies you something rotten' speech. :pac:

pow wow

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Not much though. I've recently gotten a 'he fancies you something rotten' speech. :pac:

I must be hideous so I am looking forward to the OP starting a new dating craze amongst Irish men where they want to take us nice places to get to know us

Kirnsy

pow wow wrote: »

I must be hideous so I am looking forward to the OP starting a new dating craze amongst Irish men where they want to take us nice places to get to know us

recession = nice places = mcdonalds

OP perseverance is key. i commend you on your self confidence and smooth ways.

seraphimvc

heh.this topic has been raised countless times between me and my friends.imo,just my experience,for irish girls,you need to take it really really slow.REALLY SLOW.SLOW.they are so easily to be freaked out and they are totally innocent when it comes to be asked by men - seems like they are not prepared/expect to be asked by men at all.

kinda explained OP's situation.now either is because of the culture issue - you can work on it,or is just because OP has a sh!t face/badluck - try harder nxt time:p i am afraid no one can really solve OP's problem.do tell if you find a way to work it out tho,PM me!!:D

Darr3nG wrote: »

I was in a cafe not too long ago when a girl walked in. Absolutely stunning.

We made eye contact and continued to do so with the occasional smile throughout.

She was with an older lady, her mother I guessed, but I made up my mind to approach... It took a bit of courage build up, but I thought, nothing to lose.

Went up and said hello, apologised for being forward and went on to say that I thought she looked well and asked would it be OK to get her number, maybe meet for a drink (no dinner, we were already in a cafe )

Realising the embarrassment factor, the giggles and red face, i wrote my number on a napkin and said my goodbyes. She texted me later to say that she was already engaged but my approach was unique and would've worked otherwise.

I don't do this all the time, but do you think it would work to my advantage?

holy sh!t!!!that's the coolest thing i have heard after all these years living on this island!!!well done for you sir.i personally hope to get more detail on how exactly did you approach and what did you say!

and yes,from where i am from,girls are well expected to be asked in pub/night club,number exchanged is a minimum routine.hell,go up and say 'heya i think you are cool,would you like to go coffee sometimes?' and then get her number on the street works 80% of the time.While whether she will get back to you or not is nothing you can do about it and that's where the game begins.

RacoonQueen

pow wow wrote: »

I must be hideous so I am looking forward to the OP starting a new dating craze amongst Irish men where they want to take us nice places to get to know us

Eddie Rockets ftw:cool: