How long between relationships?

LegacyUser

I was wondering how long people think you need to move on after a long term relationship? I got with my ex about a month after he finished with his previous girlfriend and the fact he wasn't really over her caused a lot of problems for us. I tried to tell him he needed more time and maybe we could get together a few months later but he was really keen.

He ended up cheating on me and not treating me very well and I broke up with him last November, after 2 years together. He said he was so sorry and that he would stay away from women for a while and I said that was probably a good idea. Well I just found out he's had another girlfriend since the beginning of March (and they were definitely more than friends before that judging by Facebook pics). I can't believe his idea of 'being single for a while' is only 3 months!! I go much longer than that between relationships without even trying. I know its not really my business and I don't want to get back with him, but I do feel a bit hurt that he's found someone else already

hotchick77

i dont think people should rush into a relationship for a long time after the break up of a relationship, your ex obviously has a problem with being single and cant cope without being in a relationship! he needs to learn to be happy single before he can make a relationship a success

AnonoBoy

waitingtime wrote: »

I know its not really my business and I don't want to get back with him, but I do feel a bit hurt that he's found someone else already

Bingo. It's not your business.

If you're a bit ego-damaged because he's in another relationship and you're not then simply stop looking at his Facebook photos and you'll soon forget about him.

Monkey61

It is different for every relationship. If I broke up with someone and was already totally over it then I could happily get together with someone the same day. If I was horribly dumped and still mad about the person who dumped me then it would perhaps be wise to wait until I was over it.

3 months is long enough to be honest...especially if he was already cheating on you and stuff anyway his head probably wasn't particularly locked into that relationship.

LegacyUser

It's not an ego thing. I do still care about him and I think he's making a huge mistake doing this again. I don't want the new GF to have the same things happen as I did. I just think it's crazy that 3 months is his idea of 'waiting ages'.

Beruthiel

waitingtime wrote: »

I think he's making a huge mistake doing this again. I don't want the new GF to have the same things happen as I did.

I'm not getting how the above is any of your business.

I am also not getting how this is a personal issue for you?

smares

I don't think you can put a length of time on how long you need between relationships.It all depend on why you broke up and if you are over that person so with some people it might be a week someone else it may be a year everyone is different.
You obviously still have feeling for your ex if it bothers you he is with someone else. He cheated on you,should be glad to be rid of him.

CDfm

waitingtime wrote: »

It's not an ego thing. I do still care about him and I think he's making a huge mistake doing this again. I don't want the new GF to have the same things happen as I did. I just think it's crazy that 3 months is his idea of 'waiting ages'.

ITs nice that you care and have feelings.

I presume you did the breaking up over his cheating and the door was closed by you.

Its none of your business and you need not concern yourself about the new GF as she can take care of herself. Whatever you may be thinking contact or revenge wise dont.

LegacyUser

I have a rule about not getting involved with women less than 4 months out of a long term relationship. I twice got involved with women only a month or two out of long termers and it was a mess!! The women hadnt a clue wether they were coming or going, what they wanted, who they wanted blah blah blah! Saying that it all depends how quick somebody is over someone. The relationship could be dead for 3 or 4 months before it offically ends and that person may be able to move on straight away so to answer your question .....it all depends on the person.

Mistika

How can you set a particular period of time which is proper to start a new relationship? I think you just have to feel when you're ready for a new relationship. Maybe he is ready. By the way, personally I believe that 3 months is quite enough at least to recover after break up. Is it enough to start a new relationship depends on a person and his feelings.
And.. You are right, it's not your business, let him do whatever he wants, even though you think he's doing a mistake.

Wibbs

yep it entirely depends on the situation and the person. It depends on the depth of the previous relationship. A 6 month thing where it was "just" boyfriend/girlfriend is a lot easier to move forward from a heavy duty first love kind of scenario.

Also someone who leaves another after say 5 years, is not usually doing it on a whim. They've thought about it and moved on long before the actual "it's over" speech. In that case a couple of months is cool. Now the person in that scenario who got dumped is in a different emotional state as usually they didn't see it coming so they need more time to move on.

I would say overlap is a major no no. IMHO it shows lack of emotional restraint and those who do overlap are asking for trouble and rebound scenarios. If the ex is still in their heads and they're using the next person as a bridge, that would be a dodgy one for me and I have learned to spot a lot of the signs. If the ex is still in their lives, even bigger red flag.

OP I think the speed he's jumping into another relationship is bringing home to you what happened with yourselves. You're seeing a pattern and maybe you feel bad for not seeing it more clearly and hope this new one doesn't get the same deal as you. You're still healing from this guy, so I would try to forget about her him and just realise you learned a good lesson. Get rid of him from facebook. Stuff like that is a disaster area. Move on for yourself

buttercup21

I know you said you ended it but it seems you still have feelings towards him even though he cheated. Just remember you ended it, you closed the door. I’d recommend stop looking at his facebook page (delete him), I know its hard but please stop. You’re not doing yourself any favours.

When I left a marriage of 4 years well it wasn’t easy, it hurt more than anything I’d ever experienced. I spent 2 weeks depressed and miserable and finally got to a stage that I was ready to meet other people. Not only is it great to socialize but it helps you get over the ex. Cheating is not acceptable – you are so much better than that, you deserve someone loyal, dedicated to you and I know its hard to imagine but there are some fantastic guys out there.

The main thing and the hardest is to get the ex out of your life, thoughts, memories, and remember that he hurt you. He doesn’t deserve your love and affection nor time.

Everyone is different with break-ups I was single for 2 weeks till I found someone else. A mate on the other hand, has been single for 6 years. She’s still not ready. So don’t feel bad if you haven’t reached that stage again. Just accept that he has and get over it! Stop wasting your life over someone who doesn’t want you – you are only hurting yourself. It hurts I know but its part of life. Keep strong x

ellie1

waitingtime wrote: »

It's not an ego thing. I do still care about him and I think he's making a huge mistake doing this again. I don't want the new GF to have the same things happen as I did. I just think it's crazy that 3 months is his idea of 'waiting ages'.

I agree with buttercup. It really seems like you are not over him. Whether he is making a mistake or not is really not your concern anymore. And his new girlfriend can make up her own mind without you. If he choose to wait three days, there is nothing you can do.

You are better off concentrating on yourself. Try to move on from him.