Favourite Puns

JEREMY_GREY

Getting the ball rolling:


The Bear-essentials

Egg-cellent/egg-ceptional

your making a 'spectacle' of yourself

david

Yes.

emeraldstar

Oh, please don't, for the love of God

My name is URL

Worst episode ever

SoupyNorman

JEREMY_GREY wrote: »

your making a 'spectacle' of yourself

....

el_tiddlero

did you hear about the omniscient lizard??

he knew everything from the gecko.....

JEREMY_GREY

ah no need for this pun-ishment...

nobody a few puns to throw out there no?

Soby

I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

JEREMY_GREY

"Humour, In the beginning was the pun." — Samuel Beckett

Dennis the Stone

Who was the roundest knight at the Round Table?

Sir Cumference



Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.


They tried to keep a locksmith in prison, but the nut bolted.

The railway had a safety problem, but tried to cover its tracks.

Back when the news was written on clay tablets there was a lot of breaking news.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but he broke it off.

In democracy its your vote that counts. In feudalism its your count that votes.

Even though Catholics in space are weightless, do they have mass?

I always prayed before my trigonometry tests. I was hoping for a sine from above.

The artist was great. He could always draw a crowd.

One evening King Arthur's men discovered Sir Lancelot's moonshine whiskey operation and shattered the still of the knight.

The doctor couldn't transfer the organs because he didn't have the guts to do it.

I was thinking of a change in career. Maybe a job drilling. Though I hear it's a boring job.

My computer is so slow it hertz.

When they told him that his drum couldn't be fixed, it didn't resonate very well.

It's true I don't like soap, but you don't have to rub it in my face!

A butcher shop opened on the 10th floor. The steaks were high.

I bought me some of those new paper shirts. I don't like them - they're tearable.

During an earthquake in California a bank went into default.

Why do all Marxists drink imitation tea? Because all proper tea is theft.

I paid 100 euro for eight legs of venison. Do you think this was two deer?

Some people really enjoy blowing air out of their lungs - I'm not a fan myself.

I couldn't figure out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

I support both of my wives very well. I think that's big o' me.


All posted before

ejmaztec

Tago Mago wrote: »

Who was the roundest knight at the Round Table?

Sir Cumference



Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.


They tried to keep a locksmith in prison, but the nut bolted.

The railway had a safety problem, but tried to cover its tracks.

Back when the news was written on clay tablets there was a lot of breaking news.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but he broke it off.

In democracy its your vote that counts. In feudalism its your count that votes.

Even though Catholics in space are weightless, do they have mass?

I always prayed before my trigonometry tests. I was hoping for a sine from above.

The artist was great. He could always draw a crowd.

One evening King Arthur's men discovered Sir Lancelot's moonshine whiskey operation and shattered the still of the knight.

The doctor couldn't transfer the organs because he didn't have the guts to do it.

I was thinking of a change in career. Maybe a job drilling. Though I hear it's a boring job.

My computer is so slow it hertz.

When they told him that his drum couldn't be fixed, it didn't resonate very well.

It's true I don't like soap, but you don't have to rub it in my face!

A butcher shop opened on the 10th floor. The steaks were high.

I bought me some of those new paper shirts. I don't like them - they're tearable.

During an earthquake in California a bank went into default.

Why do all Marxists drink imitation tea? Because all proper tea is theft.

I paid 100 euro for eight legs of venison. Do you think this was two deer?

Some people really enjoy blowing air out of their lungs - I'm not a fan myself.

I couldn't figure out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

I support both of my wives very well. I think that's big o' me.


All posted before

The first post opunned the door and yours closed it.

JEREMY_GREY

im guna say to you,what i said to your ma...keep your hands out of my drawers...

Queen-Mise

i went bobsleighing the other day. I killed twenty bobs.

A man sent in entries to a pun contest. Unfortunately no pun in ten did.

I went to a shop and bought a bottle of HP sauce. I paid 5 cents a week for 15 weeks.

Wurly

Where oh where is Sharpshooter for this thread???:D

chopperbyrne

Punderful

bluefinger

i'm no cunning linguist but there's no point going at this half-cocked:rolleyes:

Saibh

I'm useless at puns.




/exits thread

duploelabs

They say that pigs would never fly but the swine flu

drunkymonkey

innuendo

in-your-endo

Archeron

She asked me for a cheap pun, so I gave her one.

Badumtish.

Loopy

Punny C*nt

laoisforliam

super cally go ballistic celtic are atrocious

*From the movie Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World*

*Captain's table, HMS Surprise, officer's dinner*

Captain Jack Aubrey: Do you see those two weevils, Doctor?

Doctor Stephen Maturin: I do.

JA:Which would you choose?

*Doctor casually looks at weevils on plate*
Neither. There's no difference between them.
They're the same species of curculio.

JA: If you *had* to choose. If you were forced to make a choice. If there was no other...

SM:Well then, if you're going to push me...
*examines plate with weevils closely*
I would choose the right-hand weevil. It has significant advantage in both length and breadth.

JA:There,*Slams table* I have you!
You're completely dished!









Do you not know that in the service one must
always choose the lesser of two weevils?

Duggy747

The best are to be said after you violently killed someone and you callously shoot out one with half a smirk: set fire to someone and then mutter to yourself "You're fired!" Arnie is king!