Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Having trouble with girl because I was abused

  • 29-04-2009 7:03pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi! I'm 16 and a guy. When I was younger I was sexually abused. Over the last few moths I've beening going out with a girl! We were getting on great together but my problem is when ever she touches me it reminds me of the abuse! She's getting sick of me because I won't kiss her! She tried to force herself on me last night and I ran off! I love her loads but I don't know what to do?


Comments

  • #2
    Hippo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,880 ✭✭✭Hippo


    Consult a professional counsellor or therapist, seriously. It can take years of work for people to overcome abuse. If you don't try to tackle it you will continue to suffer and have entirely justifiable problems with intimacy.
    If you feel you can, try talking to your girlfriend and explain the situation and how you feel, she may be more sympathetic than you imagine, and at least you won't have to run off anywhere! Good luck.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I agree totally what Hippo said - consult an expert. I am female, I was sexually abused when I was younger by a family member. I couldn't feel comfortable for years being intimate. I sought help (I thought I was mad at the time but later realised i'm not).

    I am now in a loving intimate relationship. Just want you to know you can and will get over this. Best to seek help sooner rather than later, I used to regret not doing it sooner. Be with someone you can trust that will make it all the easier. I told my partner about the abuse, the odd time if I just a little drunk I can panic abit if I try to get intimate still (think it's the feeling of being a bit out of control).

    It's perfectly normal how you are feeling, please realise this.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Call or e.mail 1in4 if you feel you can't speak to a parent or a doctor about finding a counsellor. I don't know if you have gotten counselling for it in the past, but even if you have you need to go back.

    http://www.oneinfour.ie/about/

    PS. Tell her you love being with her very much & are trying your best, tell her if she can be patient you will come around. You dont have to tell her the reason

    also start small.. do you hold hands? Try that


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi Op,

    hard one for you at 16 and having to confront something that happened in your past and it is a sign that certain situations can make it all come back up again.


    I was abused also and found it really hard to be touched too, flash backs etc.

    I have a long term boyfriend over 10yrs now and i told him everything and from the beginning he worked with me on it, your partner should be able to be compassionate and patient with you, I got with mt BF when i was 17, one i was with him i felt safe and protected and he was always willing to do anything to help me feel better.

    I went to therapy in my 20's group therapy also and worked through the shame and feelings i had from my childhood, it really jelped me but therapy is only for when you are ready, you go at your own pace, if your not ready for therapy maybe tell your GF and get her support/

    G'luck. xx


Advertisement