OCD

Lux23

This is just a casual question. My boyfriend has OCD and I was wondering if anyone has any experience of dating someone with this condition. There are a couple of things which I find him doing for instance he asks the sames question over and over, even if its answered several times already. He also thinks if I go a bit quiet that i hate him and that i want nothing to do with even after I have reassured him. He is on prozac but keeps forgetting to take it half the time so it does worry that he could get worse.

I googled all of this but sometimes its nice to get someones actual experience on the subject.

bluecell99

I have known a couple of people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.Like most conditions it can be helped.Firstly its great that you are there for support.I presume the professionals have been involved in the assessment and prescribing of Prozac.In the cases I know the people have been helped after a period of trial and error with drugs.In addition to counselling.

Perhaps its worth discussing again with the doctor re the medication.It can be enormously beneficial when the dosage is correct and the right drug found.Unfortunately with many psychological conditions it does involve the use of drugs which are nearly always oral and its so important for the person themselves to be absolutely strict and religious about taking them.Human nature being what it is many folks forget;think they should reduce the dosage;think they can go off them for a few dayts etc.etc.This is when the problems start all over again.If it can become as routine as having breakfast or going to bed then the worst of symptoms and problems can be beaten.

But it is absolutely essential to take the medication.I know people who have never looked back.It took a while and serious discipline but it can be done.

Its a thing which needs monitoring and never be afraid to look for more help or ask about new drugs or whatever.But it is treatable and preventable.

Wurly

Lux23 wrote: »

This is just a casual question. My boyfriend has OCD and I was wondering if anyone has any experience of dating someone with this condition. There are a couple of things which I find him doing for instance he asks the sames question over and over, even if its answered several times already. He also thinks if I go a bit quiet that i hate him and that i want nothing to do with even after I have reassured him. He is on prozac but keeps forgetting to take it half the time so it does worry that he could get worse.

I googled all of this but sometimes its nice to get someones actual experience on the subject.

Hi there Lux.

I can appreciate how confusing and annoying this situation is for you. I have OCD. I used to have it really bad but I received cognitive behavioural therapy for my disorder and it helped me enormously. I was also on anti depressants at the time and they helped to ease my symptoms while I was working on my thought patterns.

To try and explain OCD... Well, its unwanted thoughts that come into your brain with all sorts of scenarios and outcomes associated with them. In order to prevent these scenarios and outcomes manifesting, the person with OCD tries to control them by performing a 'ritual'. A few examples:

Unwanted thought: If I don't turn this light on and off 54 times in quick succession, my family will die in a car crash. And so the sufferer must do this ritual to prevent the thought they had from manifesting.

Unwanted thought: If the next car coming down the road is not a blue one, then my boyfriend will dump me. Should the next car coming down the road be red, then the ritual has failed and the sufferer may become very anxious.

The first example I gave is an overt OCD reaction - the sufferer actually has to physically act out the ritual.

The second example is covert - the sufferer has all this going on in their head and a lot of the time, it goes unnoticed as they are acting the ritual in their head only. This is the OCD that I have.

Often, one ritual is not enough to perform, be it overt or covert. Many rituals may have to be performed for the unwanted thought to be put to rest. This can be extremely distressing and upsetting for the sufferer. And many times, if the ritual is broken (for example, the person loses count of how many times they have flicked the light switch), the ritual may have to be repeated all over again. Sometimes, rituals are performed for no reason at all. There is no - I better do this or else. Sometimes it just comes into your head and your poor head cant rest until you do the ritual even though there is no threat attached. The thought of not performing the ritual can be stressful and makes you feel very anxious.

The sufferer knows what they are doing is nonsensical. But it is a compulsion which turns into an obsession and vise versa - hence the name. The thoughts can come at any time from anywhere and they aren't conscious ones. They can be aggravated and increased when the person is feeling anxious or depressed. That's why anti depressants can help a lot of people with their symptoms.

When I was a child, I used to perform rituals overtly and covertly. Today, its only covertly. Even as I type this, I realise that a lot of my thoughts, even in the past week, may have been OCD related. Sometimes, believe it or not, it's hard to seperate fact from fiction in your own head. What is an OCD thought and what is a normal thought as it were.

So.. in your boyfriend's mind - he gets an unwanted thought e.g. 'I must ask this particular question 8 times without my girlfriend twigging it. If she does, I will have to find a new ritual'. He may end this thought with 'or else she'll leave me' or it could be like I was saying above - there may be no reason at all.

When the ritual is done and normal mind restored, even for a short space of time, the sufferer can feel a bit embarrassed. Embarrassed with themselves for partaking in something they know is nonsense and even more embarrassed if they have performed their rituals in others company. I personally have over compensated for this then and thoughts of worry come to mind.. What if they think im a weirdo? Will they still want to be my friend? etc etc. The anxiety sets in. The unwanted thought comes. The ritual begins and so the cycle continues.

It is a truly awful disorder. It really is. It's time consuming, exhausting and debilitating.

My advice to you would be:

1. Log on here www.ocdireland.org for further info on the disorder, times of group therapy sessions and where to find a specialised therapist.

2. When armed with all the information - show your boyfriend the site. Explain that you understand, that you will be there for him and that most importantly - he has nothing to be ashamed of.

Hopefully he will go to a therapist to work on this. There are plenty of books available in the library on the condition. It may be that your boyfriend does not understand his own condition so how can he help himself? If he reads up on this, he may want to get help. OCD does tend to get worse if left to its own devices - it sure happened to me. So I do hope that he gets the help he needs. OCD will never fully go away but with proper help, it can become manageable.

I wish you both the very best of luck and feel free to PM me anytime.

XXX

ok_one_more_so

My wife had OCD pretty bad a while back so I know it's no joke living with somebody who has it, however with medication and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) she's made a full recovery, occasional small slip when she's tired but other than that she's fine so there's definitely hope for your boyfriend, although he should be under no illusions about how difficult it is to overcome.


Now back to you....because I often feel people forget that in a couple when one person is sick both people suffer and the one without the illness is very often the forgotten one. I have to admit I found it absolutely draining emotionally, physically and mentally constantly having to re-assure somebody and re-check things for them and there were times when I have to admit I found it hard to cope (you really have to experience it to understand the level of reassurance we're talking about). If I can give you some advice it's this....remember to look after yourself, it's very easy when you're so focused on helping somebody else to neglect your own health, also, remember to keep up your friendships and make time for yourself, these are all things I learned from bitter experience, it can be very tough to do but it is so so important.


One thing that does jump out at me is that your boyfriend keeps forgetting his prozac (actually prozac sounds kinda strong for OCD but I'm no expert). This may sound harsh but it sounds to me like he's not taking his treatment seriously and if he's not willing to keep up his end of the bargain and take his meds then he can't really expect you to stick around and carry both of you, I know it sounds harsh but it really is just tough love.

Wurly

ok_one_more_so wrote: »

One thing that does jump out at me is that your boyfriend keeps forgetting his prozac (actually prozac sounds kinda strong for OCD but I'm no expert). This may sound harsh but it sounds to me like he's not taking his treatment seriously and if he's not willing to keep up his end of the bargain and take his meds then he can't really expect you to stick around and carry both of you, I know it sounds harsh but it really is just tough love.

Very good post and fair play for sharing your experiences.

However with regards to the above - that could be the case or else he may not want to admit that he has a 'psychological' problem. Half the battle is admitting it in the first place. With the stigma of mental ilness rife, I don't really blame him. Its a very scary thing to admit to yourself. And you're afraid people will label you as a freak and a mentaller or something. Its even worse when you label yourself that way.

That said, he needs to be taking his meds on a daily basis. Be serious about it - as you said yourself.

It's good to hear the flip side of this and get perspective on how it affects the partner involved.

But one thing I will say is that it really isn't the sufferers fault and it's pure hell not being able to escape your own mind.

However, It BECOMES his fault if he is not willing to take this seriously and work on this for him and for you.

OP, I hope you found the website helpful and I can recommend the counsellor that treated me if you like. PM me if you would like the details as I cant divulge the info in the forum.

poisonated

Lux23 wrote: »

This is just a casual question. My boyfriend has OCD and I was wondering if anyone has any experience of dating someone with this condition. There are a couple of things which I find him doing for instance he asks the sames question over and over, even if its answered several times already. He also thinks if I go a bit quiet that i hate him and that i want nothing to do with even after I have reassured him. He is on prozac but keeps forgetting to take it half the time so it does worry that he could get worse.

I googled all of this but sometimes its nice to get someones actual experience on the subject.

Hi
well first of all I was stunned reading that as I can completely relate to your boyfriend.Im on prozac aswel and I always think that people hate me.My main point,however, is that its really easy to forget to take your tablets.It obviously upsets people when you do as people do think that you are doing it on purpose.The reality is that your mind is either too full of these thoughts or you just forget.Even though your boyfriend may have being taking them for a while,its surprisingly easy to forget to take them.It might be annoying for him but I honestly suggest that you remind him to take them.Im sure he would actualy appreciate it even though it may not seem that way because as I said its surprisingly easy to forget them

Overheal

It might be an idea to adopt a little of the responsibility in making sure he takes his Prozac regularly.

Lux23

Overheal wrote: »

It might be an idea to adopt a little of the responsibility in making sure he takes his Prozac regularly.

At the moment I only spend the weekends with him so can't really text him to remind him, I think that's his mother's job.

star-pants

Lux23 wrote: »

At the moment I only spend the weekends with him so can't really text him to remind him, I think that's his mother's job.

You could suggest to him maybe to set a daily reminder on his phone?
I might forget to take mine at the allotted time but even if it's a few hours later I'll still take my meds.

Lux23

star-pants wrote: »

You could suggest to him maybe to set a daily reminder on his phone?
I might forget to take mine at the allotted time but even if it's a few hours later I'll still take my meds.

Yea that's an idea. The more i read about OCD though I realise that his seems to be quite under control to a certain extent apart from drinking and gambling too much but I think thats a separate problem altogether.

JuliusCaesar

OCDireland also runs a support group for friends and family members of ocd sufferers. Tri gave the website above

LegacyUser

Very helpful thread and comments. While I've always been a bit of a 'worryer' within normal parameters, I've recently started recognising behaviours this year which suggest 'covert' OCD mentioned above. I know what triggered it, and am in early stages of seeking assistance. Reading about others' experiences helps too.

The anxieties have varied during the year. Most recently, driving has become challenging as I try to drive super safely and not cause harm. Also mobile phones. The anxiety is not about shyness while talking or about radiation. It's about whether bits of plastic, metal, keypad or buttons will detach while using the phone and I might swallow them or injure myself somehow. Even as I type this I realise how irrational that is. I don't think this type of thing actually happens, but when I have a phone in my hand it seems 'real'.

While it's good to learn that I'm not actually going mad at the same time it's been tough facing up to the situation and seeking help. Getting professional help is one part of the solution, but courage and determination are the other part I guess, as well as positive support from loved ones and close friends.