LDR troubles or just being messed around?

LegacyUser

Hi all,
I've a bit of a long distance "ship" dilemma that i'd love some advice or insight on. Let me start by describing the situation...

Met this amazing guy in Dublin last November and spent a great night with him. He seemed to be the perfect gent...didn't make a move and we simply chatted and laughed in each others company until the sun rose the following morning.

Kept in contact via facebook ever since and we just seemed to click and have so much in common. He was very flattering and sent texts saying how great he thought I was and how he'd love to see me. We meet for a week over NYs and things seemed to be going from strength to strength. Kept in touch afterwards, he continued being enthusiastic about us, being positive and saying he could "see things happening for us".

Went on a nice weekend away in europe, went over to his place and met his family and a few of his friends. Had a lovely weekend. Once I got home he said how he missed me and couldn't wait to see me again...still very encouraging and flattering and I replied similarly. He booked another visit over...and I did the same as I got a good deal. Then a week later everything seemed to go belly up. He cooled off dramatically. He talked of plans he made with his mates to travel etc. He had spoken of previous missed opportunities so I understood this, told him to go and said i'd consider waiting for him.

To cut an already long story a bit shorter, we met up for our already arranged weekends. Things defo weren't the same, and seemed a bit glum. I felt like I was tethering on a string. After a "no response" to an email where I tried to use as gateway for discussion, I figured that was the end.

A week later he contacts me to let me know he missed me and thought he was too hasty in his decision making. He explains his fear of trusting others due to a previous relationship. We decide to continue with things but take it slower.
He comes over for a weekend. We have a great time although not so intimate as initially had been.

He leaves. I am upset and miss him. He gives the impression he just wants to be friends. I text letting my feelings be known. He comes to conclusion that I may like him more than he likes me, but he doesn't see this as a problem. But isn't prepared to make a promise for fear he meets someone in his locality.

Am I being messed around? Should I just let go of this? Is it worth the preoccupation?
Sorry, I realise this post is really long. Any insight would be greatly appreciated!

Regards,

Hopeless

In all honesty it sounds like either messing around, or someone being completely confused in the head, both of which really amount to the same thing. Best to move on and forget him.

AARRRGH

I bet you he has met someone else. The other girl is messing with his head a bit so that's why he is going hot and cold - cold when he doesn't need you; hot when she's messing with his head.

It's not going to work out, so instead of dragging out the inevitable get him out of your life now.

Your partner should make your life better. That clearly isn't the case here.

LegacyUser

Well, I am in a somewhat similar situation.

Met a girl who lives on the other side of the country - we've met up over her side, and at mine. Had a nice time... but although I am into it, I also think that wouldn't it be so much easier to be going out with someone who lived closer to me.... not a 4 hour drive away.

So, while he may like you, and like you a lot, he's gone from Heart Stage (I really fancy her) to Head Stage (she lives so far away.... how is this going to work..... that's a lot of effort...... that means two weekends over there every month.........I need my independence... "I'm off with the lads that weekend"......)

Now he's cutting off his emotions and rationalising /justifying it.

He's keeping a bit distant (when you met up) because he has decided that it probably won't work out and wants to keep you at a distance because he doesn't want you liking him more than he likes you... it means you won't be as hurt in the end - in his head.

If I spent a week with a girl and had her over to meet my family and friends, that would be a fairly serious statement of intent... as in "I like you a hell of a lot" so I can understand your confusion.

Actually, just read the last bit of your post; if he isn't making a promise to you for "fear of meeting a girl closer" to him then that's it really... he isn't committing to it.

Maybe though, he's a bit like me - if I start seeing a girl I need to see them on a more regular basis than once a week or a fortnight.

LegacyUser

thanks bllllooooooo for your perspective. I know you're probably right. It's just so hard to swallow when you're really into someone and they showed the same interest as you!

Just leaves you with so many questions in your head that will never be answered. And when you know how great it could have been if there wasnt that land mass, ocean...etc in the way. If only mountains could be moved!

Thanks for the insight!

estar

life is too short for the faint hearted. it is too short for i know you like me more than I you, but hey I don;t mind that. of course he doesnt mind. his problems with trust are his problems, and the answer to that, is either get over them, or get out of the relationship fast. you havent in any way proven untrustworthy and have put your all into it. you deserve more. don't you? why waste your time and energy on this man when there are other men. he talks a good game. but does he play one.

doesnt seem so.

tell him to justify your interest in him or get lost.

LegacyUser

Well, i don't have nay advice for you except to consider creative writing. I was enthralled by your post, and when things went sour in the relationship, i felt a grey cloud in the air. Whereas, prior to that, everything seemed so sunny! Nice job for 20 seconds of reading!

prinz

Seems to me like he had fun and fancies the odd dirty weekend thing but nothing more. You won't gain anything going along like this, IMO he's not going to want more than that with you, whereas you do.