Late for everything

LegacyUser

I'm permanently late. For everything - work, social events with friends, you name it. I've always put it down to me not being a 'morning person' but it's now beginning to affect my professional life and I HAVE to get my act together. My boss just had a 'quiet word' about it so there's no two ways about this, but I am just terrified that I am not going to be able to change this.
It's so deeply ingrained, I mean I've been late my whole life and there's a whole list of things propogating it. I NEVER go to bed on time and it's generally 2am before I hit the hay. I don't drive so have to either get two buses to work or walk, both taking me about an hour and a half and it generally takes me about 40 minutes to get ready in the morning. So I suppose I should be getting up shortly before 7am, but have been setting my alarm, switching it off, getting up at 9 and getting a taxi for the last few years. Yes I know this is ridiculous, I don't need to be told how ridiculous it is!
I know that this appears incredibly lazy/arrogant/rude/mindblowingly stupid etc, all of which I am not, but this seems to nearly be a psychological thing. I have a really stressful job, don't get home usually til after 9pm and find myself tuning out in front on the TV with dinner and before I know it the night has passed me by and I'm missing my alarm again.
But I nearly feel like that time in the small hours is the only 'me' time I get...

I need to change. Literally overnight. Zero tolerance. Has anyone done the same?

Miss Fluff

I used to be like that too and when it start effecting your job then it's time to sort it out. Now I'm on time every morning (did a turnaround on punctuality a couple of years ago) I realise how sh11ty and disrespectful it looks to see people strolling in at 9.30 when they are supposed to be here at 9am. Some companies claim not to be clock-watchers but there is always someone and it never goes unnoticed.

I appreciate how much you value your free time but going to bed @ 2am is the root of this. Simple as that. You're sleeping in because you are not getting enough sleep in the first place. You really should be curled up by about 11/11.30 if you have to get up that early.

You should also make discreet enquiries at work or amongst friends with regard to a lift share and agreeing to pay someone you work with who lives nearby a weekly sum, this will guarantee you make it on time every morning.

Das Kitty

You just have to do it I'm afraid.

My husband used to be late a lot but it used to annoy me being a punctual person, I'd be left standing waiting like a pleb! Anyway he sorted it out when I told him how it was irritating (not a great way to start a date!). He's now very punctual, he found that initially he was left waiting for people because they expected him to be late, but that changed.

He basically just was realistic about how long a task takes and gave himself enough time. It's not rocket science! Time yourself getting ready for work and see how long it takes. I'll bet it's longer than you think!

listermint

Try going for a walk before in the evening to tune out. The fresh air and think time will help you zone out and achieve a better sleep when you pile into the hay.

TV wont achieve this for you. Your body needs a bit of a change in circumstance. Changing your existing processes is key!

kmick

You need to sort out the getting home at 9 as well. Thats the real problem here. You resent going to bed beacause all your free time is taken up with work. Also can you bike it to work. Its the only way you can guarantee how long it will take you.

hollypink

the bit that stood out for me in your post was about watching tv and the night passing you by. Maybe it's just me but I think the effect of watching tv is deceptive; in my mind I think I am 'relaxing in front of the tv' but the tv just absorbs all my free time without giving much satisfaction. I find doing some other activity like reading/listening to music/yoga/exercise is much higher quality "me-time" so I dont need to stay up into the small hours to unwind. Just an idea to consider.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the advice guys, some great stuff there.

It's true that I resent going to bed because all my free time is taken up with work, and I think in a messed up way being constantly late is my way of taking 'control' of the situation...I sort of feel like I'm 'keeping a little bit of myself' and not giving every ounce of me to work. I generally try to get to the gym a few times a week, and when that happens, with all the travelling to and from work etc I don't usually get in until 11, and then I have to think about dinner because I haven't eaten since lunch!

It's not that I don't get out of work til nine, but often I'll be there til 7 or 8 and by the time I get home, be it by walking or bus, it's well after nine. And again, dinner. Then household stuff, laundry, cleaning etc and then it's midnight and I haven't had a stress-free thought all day and just need to sit down and switch off.

This lateness has to end as of tomorrow, no two ways about it now as my boss is not happy, but I just know that the lack of free time is going to be an issue. I might start walking to/from work to work the 'me' time into my working schedule!

Reflector

I'm terrible as well, I am always late but luckily have a job that doesn't mind as much but my last job I got in a lot of trouble over it. I would say that you have to get to bed earlier. I am also a night owl and like staying up doing stuff, reading whatever but your body just is not getting enough sleep.
Also a bike is a good idea, It really is the best way to get around the city and you know exactly how long it will take you to get in.

Oh The Humanity

Is there any way you could move closer to work, its a terrible journey to face each day and I sort of dont blame you for procrastinating!

username123

Some people just seem to have 'late disease'. Personally I have zero tolerance for it. If I am meeting someone at a prearranged time and they are late for no good reason - I am annoyed. And if they do it more than once I dont wait. I go home.

In saying that I am anally early for everything so seem to spend many an unpleasant half hour wishing the time would move more quickly while waiting to be tortured by the dentist (for example).

I think it comes down to self discipline. Im pretty disciplined about it because I hate the rushed, possibly embarrassed, all over the place feeling that comes with being late for something important. I hate that feeling too much to allow me to be late. For the late goers maybe they dont mind that feeling so much? (any comments from late goers on that?).

In friendships or dating I just think its disrespectful of someone to always be late, and in a work environment Id fire someone for constant lateness.

passive

Loud Alarm, on the other side of the room so you have to get out of bed to turn off the snooze. Get ready faster in the morning. And buy a bicycle. Needs must. Problem solved.

digital_d

Hey OP - I know just how you feel! I'm very much the same as you - but, it is something you can get you head around. Our body all follow routine. Your routine is that you go to sleep late, and get up late... You need to break that routine and find one that suits your own circumstance, and it dosn't have to be the same as everyone else.

I found that when I had to get myself trained to get up early the following helped a lot:

- Moving my alarm out of reach so I physically had to get up to switch it off, and then once up to swich off the alarm straight into it.

- Eating my main meal at luch time so It saves time in the evening, and meant a light snack on the way home or when i got home filled me for the evening, i found this helps me at the gym too as i had more energy.

- No coffee/tea/sugary drinks after mid afternoon

- TV etc straight away when i got in for an hour or so to help me switch off from work mode.

In the evening I quite often would have made my lunch for the next day as it's hard to get a decent healthy mid day meal in most jobs so i took my own with me, and clearing up after that etc. would help me get sleepy as any repetitive task like clearing up, ironing etc. helps the mind switch off.

A few days of getting up on time will soon sort out getting to sleep early as you will be naturally sleepy.

Most people say it takes a few weeks to settle into a new routine, so watch out for the weekends - sleep ins on the weekend and late nights are not going to help you keep your new routine going!

Good Luck!

The_Conductor

When I was younger I used to be perpetually late for everything too. A few lifestyle changes helped me.

1. I changed a 2 bus commute that often took well over 3.5 hours a day into a less well paid, but more satisfying job that has flexitime and is less than 30 mins away by bus.

2. I was working with a lot of Germans and Dutch colleagues. If you were late- they were gone. Simple as. Its a good motivation for being on time.

3. Instead of getting bogged down in the morning- sort things the night before. Put the coffee machine on before you wash and dress. Little changes in your routine can make big differences.

4. Me and my OH now work together- so we don't resent the time spent travelling to and from each other at lunchtime etc (+ if you want to do something in the evening- its far far easier to organise).

5. Make a list of television programmes that you are interested in watching. You can supplement this by checking up online (scifi websites, eztv.org or whatever). Don't sit down in front of the television just to veg out.

6. Plan your work better (it could be that you structure things differently). For example- first thing in the morning do some tasks that require input from your manager- so as soon as your Manager sees you he/she knows they are going to get work from you. It makes you seem more productive- while at the same time, minimises the likelyhood of them randomly popping over to your desk- as they themselves will be scared of getting extra work...... Its not devious- its simply reorganising the way you work

7. Try to move away from enumerating your work in financial terms. If flexitime is available- try to work in a manner that lets you get in as early as possible, and out as early as possible. With the lengthening evenings- its not unreasonable to have 4 or 5 hours of daylight in the evening after work. Use this time as 'You Time'- its time to do all those things that you dream of when you're up to your arse looking out the window in work, and wishing you were somewhere else.

8. In conjunction with 7- move away from looking at your headline salary as a measure of success- the amount of freetime- time for you and your other half- is every bit as important as anything else........

You do need to have a full lifestyle change to be honest......

LegacyUser

I don't have a tv and am in bed about 2 hours earlier than I used to be... unless I'm out for a night I'll be in bed by 10 or 11.... used be that I'd stay up and watch Newsnight and then something and then something else and be in bed at 1.

Try this before going to bed - close your eyes... imagine yourself waking up at 7 and being wide awake, and then imagine yourself getting up and being full of energy and ready to take on the day... add in your own bits...... after a while it'll start to kick in.

cafecolour

I've been exactly the same as you. I've gotten a little better, but not entirely. Things that have somewhat helped:

- Focus on the time you have to leave the house, not the time you have to be there. If I think "I have to be at work at 9" the alarm bells don't kick in until it's almost 9. If I think "I have to be out the door by 815" they kick in at 815.

- Sleep more 'uncomfortably'. I have problems getting up - If I know I really need to be up, I'll do things like throw the duvet out of my room and only sleep with sheets - not to be cold, but so I'm a little less comfortable when I wake up. I've even slept on the couch instead of my bed for important bits.

- Reverse your sleeping schedule. Come home from work, stay up all night, and then go to work again (caffeine!). Then leave work (hopefully by 6) and go straight home and sleep. Hopefully you sleep from like 7 to 4 am or something. Then try and keep on that schedule. Ie up at 5, breakfast, to the gym b4 work. It will slowly drift later, if it gets too late, repeat again.

- Get rid of the TV. Seriously. You need to focus on a consistent bed time, and anything that lets you say "one more hour before I go to bed" needs to go.

anniehoo

I have a bit of a late problem too..only relating to getting to work on time though for some reason. But, ive slowly been changing my bad habits over the last few months.
-Ive started getting the bus to work, but leaving my car in work during the weekdays so i drive in on a monday morning and drive it home on a friday eve and bus it in between. I live over 20 miles from my job and the last direct bus is 8am so i have to be on it. Works a treat and im early rather than on time or late.

-I too have been having my "dinner" at lunchtime. Im always too tired to cook a big meal when i get home late so i pre prepare 5 dinners for the week so a cup of tea a sambo when i get home does the trick.

-40 minutes is a long time to get ready in the morning. Can you cut this down at all?

The fact your boss has had a word should be a good motivator. Just keep thinking your job could be on the line because of this so it should be the incentive you need.

BaZmO*

I bet if you won the Lotto and had to cash the ticket in before 9am on a certain morning you'd have no problem getting in on time.


I used to be late all the time in my old job, main reasons being that 1) I got away with it, and 2) I didn't really give a sh1t.

It wouldn't be tolerated in my latest job so guess what? Yes, I'm always on time.