So Confused?!?!

blondiegirl

Ok so here goes..I have started kissing this guy I am good friends with, kissed him 4 times now..I didnt really have any intrest in him at the start he wouldnt be my usual type, but he is a lovely guy and we get on great so I said i would give it a shot. The last night I met him out he was very drunk and he said we need to talk so I said fair enough. He then says to me this can go no further and i am like what and he says us. He says he doesnt want a realtionship and i say sure i dont either we are just having fun(even tho I think i do want a realtionship with him)he says he loves kissing me and he would do it forever and he would go out with me but he doesnt want to be a dickhead as in he is not relationship type and would end up shifting somebody else. He also said the fact that his parents are split up has put him off relationships and also he thinks i am not ready for another relationship because 9 months ago i broke up with my long time boyfriend and he died 3 months later which has been hard but i just feel like i have to get on with my life i miss him all the time but i have to move on. Basically i wonder what is going on in his head, is he telling me in a nice way he has no feelings for me??

Dublin_Gunner

Maybe he's just being honest.

Stop trying to read too much into it, and take it for what it is, and move on.

It could be because he actually cares for you and doesn't want to hurt you, just like he says.

You women always presume there's an ulterior motive!

Queen-Mise

He may actually be telling the truth. That he doesn't want a relationship, and wouldn't be very good in one.

He is being very upfront with you, as you have been through a tough time in the last year and he doesn't want to add to it.

Take him at his word. Give him the space and leave him alone. Don't carry on with him unless you tell him you would like a relationship otherwise you would be dishonest.

blondiegirl

he obviously has no feelings for me if he did wouldnt he try a relationship?

Dublin_Gunner

blondiegirl wrote: »

he obviously has no feelings for me if he did wouldnt he try a relationship?

See, thats too much of a womans response! Always taking the negative :P

Did you not say already that you did not want a relationship with HIM either?

You guys are friends, and maybe he doesn't want to ruin that, because he knows what he's like, and thinks he may end up going off with someone else, and you'll end up hurt.

Take it for what it is, enjoy the few snogs you've had, and move on. You'll only get yourself upset if you dont, and thats not good!


If you start going down the 'f*** buddy' route, feelings will inevitably develop, but they may be unrequited, and you'll end up hurt.

smellslikeshoes

blondiegirl wrote: »

he obviously has no feelings for me if he did wouldnt he try a relationship?

I don't think thats true at all. I think he cares a lot about you but knows that if you and him carry on as is he is going to end up hurting you and thats not what he wants.

LegacyUser

Dublin_Gunner wrote: »

Maybe he's just being honest.

Stop trying to read too much into it, and take it for what it is, and move on.

It could be because he actually cares for you and doesn't want to hurt you, just like he says.

You women always presume there's an ulterior motive!

I don't get this mentality....if you care for someone why not persevere and try use that as base for something else?
I've been told this way too often, so at what point do they care enough to let someone care for them in return?

puglover

blondiegirl wrote: »

he obviously has no feelings for me if he did wouldnt he try a relationship?

I think he is being very mature & showing that he does have some feelings for you, but he recognises that it's not enough for a relationship. He knows you've been through alot & doesn't want to run the risk of hurting you anymore.

LegacyUser

blondiegirl wrote: »

he obviously has no feelings for me if he did wouldnt he try a relationship?

I would go with this view, keep the door open for a while if you like him, and see what happens.

blondiegirl

blondiegirl wrote: »

Basically i wonder what is going on in his head, is he telling me in a nice way he has no feelings for me??

No, he's telling you that:

blondiegirl wrote: »

this can go no further ... he doesnt want a realtionship ... he would go out with [you] but he doesnt want to be a dickhead as in he is not relationship type and would end up shifting somebody else ... the fact that his parents are split up has put him off relationships ... he thinks [you are] not ready for another relationship

This is a "good friend" of yours who clearly cares about you. It's possible it's occurred to him that he's risking that friendship when he feels all of the above are against the possibility of a romantic relationship succeeding.

blondiegirl wrote: »

i just feel like i have to get on with my life i miss him all the time but i have to move on

He's possibly aware of this in you as well. Let it be, keep your friend.

Monkey61

I think you have to take this at face value because he is being admirably honest with you. He does like you, but he doesn't like you enough to want to go out with you and not be with other people.

Fair enough really. It is much nicer than him agreeing to give it a go and then breaking your heart in a months time. Okay it may not be exactly what you want but you have to look at the positives here - you have a good friend in this guy who obviously cares a lot about you, enough to not want to see you get hurt. That at least is something.