Just a shag..?

LegacyUser

Hi there- wanted some opinions. been with my bf for about 5 years now and although i love him i feel like hes not there for me in a lot of ways - hes hardly home because of his job, and well i do feel lonely. When he is home he does do his own things and we rarely do things together. Anyway, about 2 months ago i met this guy who works near me. we really hit it off and started to meet quite often for chats etc. Thing is this guy has made it very clear he fancies me, and although he knows i have a bf, hes made it clear aswell that he would stay by my side regardless. My question is: Is he only after a shag? I mean, i know that sounds blunt, but he seems really keen and ive picked up on a few comments hes made, and he hasnt hidden the fact he would like to be with me. I would never cheat on my bf but this guy seems so great. From a guys point of view, is he buttering me up, as in telling me what i want to hear so that i would give in? Is it a show hes putting on to get me in the sack? Im very confused at the mo about all this..cause i dont know what to beleive and i dont want to beleive everything he tells me... thanks for any replies...

Take it slowly. You have two different problems here. One is that you are not happy with the relationship you are in. The other is that you do not know what this other guy wants.

Deal with the first problem first. If you are not happy with that relationship then get out of it. Then explore the relationship with guy no. 2.

If you are happy with the relationship then talk to your boyfriend about what is bothering you and make it clear to guy no. 2 that its friends and friends only you intend to be. If he really likes YOU for YOU then you will find out quick enough what he is after when he decides to stay friends with you or not.

OP, does it matter what HE's after? What are YOU after? That's the question you should be asking yourself.

You're clearly unhappy in your relationship so instead of trying to escape or confuse the issue by jumping on someone else, drop any feelings you may or may not have toward this guy and deal with the relationship. Don't leave your bf because you have a safety net, and don't stay with him just because you dont.

Then if you have decided to break up, you take some time out and THEN see if you want this guy. In the meantime don't confuse yourself any more with unnecessary drama or hassle.

kevmy

Look if you're seriously thinking about this guy either as a relationship or just a shag then something is wrong with your relationship with your bf.

You have to sort that out first.

If you want to keep it then stay away from this guy and work it out with your bf.

If you feel your relationship with your bf is over then finish it with him but not because of the other guy, it has to be because you want to finish it. After that if you want to get with the other guy for anything then thats your business although I would be on tiptoes if these guys are mates.

LegacyUser

Seems to me like you're afraid to be alone. You only wanna leave your boyfriend if it means you'll be with someone else straight away.

You're clearly not happy in your current relationship. Is there any spark or any feelings left between you and your boyfriend? I mean, is it worth talking things out with him and trying to work through it? If not, I'd advise you to call it a day!

Separately, the other guy may or may not be after a shag. However, he seems to be getting to know you as a person so why not keep this going a little longer before taking things further? If he's genuine, then he'll wait until you're a free agent and will take things slowly and be understanding. You'll know if he's just after one thing if he waits for you and gives you the time you need to get over your break-up and to be ready to start dating again.

Just keep in mind that if you DO act on your feelings towards the other guy while you're still in the relationship then it is bad form on your behalf. You will be the "bad guy". Your boyfriend will feel hurt and betrayed if or when he finds out and you'll be feeling guilty as long as it's kept a secret or for causing unnecessary hurt. Is this what you want?

Honesty is the best policy, so be honest to YOURSELF!!!! If you wanna give things a go with the other guy, have the decency to split from your boyfriend beforehand. You know it's the right thing to do.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for your replies. As i said before i would never cheat on my bf- im not that kind of person. I do think its worth talking with him and try to sort out the situation between us, but we have talked before and nothing changes. I love him so much yet i feel like im stuck in a rut. We talk but never come to any conclusions. I suppose the other guy makes me feel special , and its new and exciting which is why im so confused. I just dont really know which way to go .

Wurly

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here, thanks for your replies. As i said before i would never cheat on my bf- im not that kind of person. I do think its worth talking with him and try to sort out the situation between us, but we have talked before and nothing changes. I love him so much yet i feel like im stuck in a rut. We talk but never come to any conclusions. I suppose the other guy makes me feel special , and its new and exciting which is why im so confused. I just dont really know which way to go .

Well if it were me - i'd get out of the relationship you're in first as you're clearly not happy.

After that, see what happens with the other guy.

It's only complicated if you allow it to be. You're not happy at the moment and you deserve to be.

Swampy

From a male perspective, he more than likely is looking for a shag however he also could be looking for more than that.

But as everyone and yourself said you are right to sort out your main relationship first.

LegacyUser

You are with your current bf for 5 years...........thats not a trivial length of time....

This new guy is probably confusing matters as to how you feel for your current bf...

I would advise cutting contact with new guy, then try to resolve issues with current without input from new guy...........surely 5 years is worth that effort? Also no contact with new guy will show YOU if its just attention you seek or if you really have gone off your current bf............

Best of luck with it..