Need advice on dropping out/deferring

LegacyUser

Hi all, didn't know where else to ask really so thought I'd throw it up here. Basically am doing a one year taught masters (having come directly from finishing my 4 year degree), ive just about finished up the modules and then am supposed to start the dissertation due in September (which in itself is not going well at all having encountered numerous problems, but thats a smaller problem to below).

The problem is that I am completely burnt out and suffering from serious depression (in fact I posted here before months ago but neglected to take any of your advice). The former is as a result in part of not really taking a break I believe after my degree, which was intense. This depression has been with me for years and I have actively avoided dealing with it, and just seems to keep getting worse (it culminated a number of days ago where I suffered a bit of a breakdown in front of my gf, which was quite frightening as I lost all control of my emotions in front of someone else for the first time ever). I'd normally bottle it up for months, and then break down crying at some stage on my own.

I did attend college counsellor at one period briefly last year but thats it (abandoned it of my own accord). I constantly feel low and have brief moments of feeling suicidal every so often (though I would never go through with it I believe as have seen what it does to people left behind). This has left me finding it impossible to concentrate as time has gone on, and my sleeping pattern erratic. I have made an appointment to go back to see counsellor.

Anyway, my question is what should I do? I feel able to just about finish up the modules, but the thought of spending 3/4 months under such intense pressure to get the thesis done fills me with dread. I am not in a place mentally to apply myself to it, and would rather focus on getting my self sorted mentally. I fear I will worsen if I force myself to do it. This may sound irrational, but its the way I feel.

Ideally, I would like to finish up the modules, and defer the thesis segment until next year (at least it gives me option of returning). Does anyone know if its possible to defer the dissertation portion of a masters in UCC? I don't think I am able mentally to do the dissertation at the moment, but would hate to just lose out on all I've done so far.
I realise this is something both my dept and student admin will have to answer officially but just wanted your opinions, or experiences.

I have always excelled academically, having acheived 1st class honours in my degree, so it may seem selfish to say, but I feel like I should allow myself on the one hand to put myself first for a change. On the other, I am rather worried what my parents (who are salt of the earth mind you) will say (they know nothing of depression), and fairly nervous about taking to my dept, for fear they will not understand, and that I'm letting people down or a failure. In terms of finance, I'm living at home and I am not on a grant, but the money (4000) has come from a scholarship type thing, so there are some fees to pay still and no idea what will happen here.

The rational part of me is saying go talk to college and counsellor, and if I'm feeling really brave, show this post to my parents (somehow can't pluck up the courage to just blurt out "I'm depressed to my very core" lol). But I'm just frozen by indecision.

Anyhow, apologies for the length of this. Would appreciate any advice or support (keeping in mind from point of view of mods that this is not a medical forum)
Thanks for reading.

*Honey*

Whilst I can't answer specifically for UCC's policies, I do work in another college and can say that yes, your college will most likely allow you to defer the academic module of your course. Talk to your Co-ordinator and your Student Affairs office (or whatever the equivalent is called there). As long as you have back up information from your doctor to support your case, it is highly likely that you will be allowed to defer. In my place, they allow one year deferrals but will allow a further year if the argument is made with supporting evidence from your doctor.

I would also say you should talk to your GP ASAP. You need to get help for your depression (and not least you need to get a cert to support your deferral application). Please go and talk to your tutor and your doctor and get this problem sorted, sooner rather than later. Why suffer any longer than you have to? Best of luck.

bluecell99

Dont know much about academia as such but my strong impression from reading is that you should stop/defer.Your own health is threatened as you have said and it will only get worse .The pressure down the line is not going to help you and your health is your wealth .Step back,take a breather,do things which you have been putting off,free your mind.

Theres no harm in seeing the counsellor but I would also speak to a doctor to get things sorted.Depression,if that what it is,needs to be sorted.

*Honey*

I would also add that I really don't think you should just drop out - you've worked so hard to get this far and you have totally reasonable grounds for seeking a deferral which is a system put in place just for this sort of situation. It gives you a time out to take care of yourself and get well again and then you can return to your studies when you're feeling healthier.

Also, I know it's a taught MA but it could be (especially as you say you're academically a high achiever with good marks) that you could return as a registered student but not attend in stream (in classes) bar your tutorials ... this would allow you significantly more time to work on your thesis so that, if needs be, you can stretch out the work over a longer time period (as you won't be committed to attending class etc).

Definitely look into a deferral... don't drop out... take advantage of the services available to you, it'd be such a massive shame to give it all up now when you don't need to. Take advantage of the services available to you and get yourself well.

LegacyUser

Hi all again (original poster here). Thanks for responding so quickly. Bluecell, I should have said that the college doc I saw before is a psychologist and not just a counsellor. When I originally went to my own GP a number of years back, she suggested that as a route, rather than antidepressants.

My worry now is that I've put off dealing with this now for so long, can I really expect to just go to a doctor and get a cert? The rational part of me says though that the college psych will have my case file on hand, and I guess my GP will too though. Ironically by deferring, I probably won't qualify to attend the counselling service anymore, and we as a family can ill afford to be paying privately.

Ugh, hate this feeling so much. I've gone the last few days through cycles of panic and despair, then hope that it will all get resolved.

Honey - I guess I could go to my own GP again, but I've a feeling she'll just send me back on the same route (but minus 45-60€). But I guess different sources of expertise will strenghthen my case. Thats what I'd hope to do (in relation to not attending a stream as you call it), i've been doing well all year also, but its just not in me to take the stress of the huge undertaking a thesis is at the moment.

*Honey*

OP go to the counsellor again and talk it through. Believe me, you will not be the only person to have not seen a course of action through (in terms of counselling)... not everyone is ready to deal with the problem (or even realise they have a problem) when they see the counsellor first.

Talk to them about your concerns about any service available to you if you defer. Find out all the information you can before making your final decision. In my place, a letter from the counsellor would be sufficient supporting evidence to a deferral application so it could be that you won't need to see your GP (especially if they already advised you to talk to your college counsellor). Take it step by step... see the counsellor first and talk about it. Talk to your tutors; talk to your Student Affairs Office too about how you go about making your application and what you need to support it ... talk to the support services available in your college, make full use of them. Above all, get help and make an educated decision about all of this.

ETA: It could be that if you defer for this exam period, but work on your thesis over the next year and attend for tutorials only, you could be considered a registered student for that module and then could avail of the student services system... like I say, check it all out and see what they can do for you. In my experience, they will help all they can.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I had to defer part of college because of depression and it remains to this day the best decision I ever made, when I went back after 6 months I had renewed focus, motivation and drive and got a far better degree than had I stuck with it originally. Though I highly reccommend you defer rather than drop out, as when in a good state of health you are obviously very capable, it would be a shame not to finish what you started.

I dont know the ins and outs of UCC but certainly I had to provide proof of my illness ( cert from doc ) and had to see one of the colleges counsellors. If you dont want to pay to see your GP use UCC doctors (if they've counsellors Im assuming theyve GPs) surely theyre free? Doing it all through the college cant hurt either. But the college were great, very supportive, they've seen this dozens of times and will

But, and I have to stress this, defering wont do you any good unless you use the time to help yourself recover. Depression is treatable, managable but requires effort and yes I know thats seems like a hugh task, but you gotta keep fighting, dont let that parasite in your head win dude, you're well able to come out the other side.

kdak

I agree with everything the other posters have said. you need to step back and realise that you as a person come before your education. you're not just a student, you're a person that gets stressed and you need to deal with that stress, which cant be done if you've got a workload!

the advice given by the other posters is the same as i would give but also, i think theres a 'student aid' in most colleges which can provide financial assistance to students in complex situations. the fact that your degree was going so well before this will work in your favour as they will realise that you're a diligent student.

i know how you're feeling though. im in kind of the same boat with trying to juggle the work load with close submission dates and am in the process of organising extensions with tutors etc. and i can assure you they are extremely supportive (and my grades so far havent been gleaming to say the least!) so im sure if you explain your situation, with a doc note, they'll be more than happy to help.

you just need to remember that education is not the be all and end all. yes, it may be important to you but at the end of the day its something you applied for, you chose and something that you can take control of; its not something you're obliged to excell at so dont let it take control of you and definitely dont sacrifice your health for it.

taz70

I am really sorry to hear your situation. If I could offer you one piece of advice it would be to not embark on a dissertation when you are suffering from depression. You need a lot of inner strength and discipline to commit to a dissertation and when you have to expend a lot of that energy on just holding yourself together, you will only feel more anxiety and panic that you're not devoting sufficient time to your studies.

As the other posters have recommended, talk to the counsellor and gather as much information as possible. Lecturers don't want to see their students fail, so they will be very willing to figure out a solution that will accommodate you.

Having said all that, there's another solution you might like to consider and it could be something that takes the pressure off until you're ready. Talk to the programme coordinator to see whether it is possible to finish your modules and walk away with a Postgraduate Diploma. Most taught Master's will have exit points after the first or second semester to allow students who have to/want to leave to walk away with recognition of work done. You usually can come back at a later date to complete the dissertation component of the Master's. But talk through those options with the programme coordinator, who'll be able to tell you all the regulations.

Lastly, talk to your doctor about a course of treatment. You don't deserve to be fighting so hard and there are a lot of options out there to help you. Don't leave until you have discussed all possible options - not just the ones she/he prefers - and you make the decision as to which one you want to pursue.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for feedback everyone, its great not to feel alone or like I'm doing an insane thing.


kdak - thanks for helping put it in perspective

unregistered - nice to here a success story. Believe me, I know it ain't going to be easy. I think I just need time to just exist and get my head together, whether thats through counselling, anti-depressants or both or neither. But I definately need some support.


taz270, your first couple sentences sum my situation up completly. Barely holding it together as it is. THe diploma is an option I think, whether they'll allow me come back for masters is another thing.

I guess there isnt much more advice anyone can give that hasn't been said already in relation to college approval. How the hell I will explain it to people (everything from friends to family to potential future inlaws is another thing). But I feel calmer now and will set the wheels in motion over the next few days.

LegacyUser

Well isn't that just lovely. They are only dealing with 'exams' at the moment and won't see me til June. I didn't expect to get an appointment straight away that would be unreasonable, but 5 Weeks?!

kdak

Unregistered wrote: »

Well isn't that just lovely. They are only dealing with 'exams' at the moment and won't see me til June. I didn't expect to get an appointment straight away that would be unreasonable, but 5 Weeks?!

do you have a tutor?
or a head of department? it might be easier to get through to them through someone else.

Queen-Mise

Unregistered wrote: »

Well isn't that just lovely. They are only dealing with 'exams' at the moment and won't see me til June. I didn't expect to get an appointment straight away that would be unreasonable, but 5 Weeks?!

Ok I can understand this one. Every undergraduate in the country is doing exams in the next 3 weeks. All the lecturers/tutors have then three weeks to mark every one before the 1st/2nd week in June when the external examiners come in.

It was unfortunate timing on your part. Go to you GP and get a letter to support the deferral/explaining depression or certs to cover the five weeks. In the meantime go to the UCC counsellor/Welfare officer and start building up a history for yourself.

I deferred my degree last November till this September for the same reason as you. I was depressed, with pure and utter exhaustion. It definitely the right thing to do. I slept a lot, spent a lot of time here (:D), walking with dogs etc etc.

OP I think this is probably the first time you have ever put your hand out for help, noone will mind. Colleges have to deal with all kinds of problems, them and your family will understand.

No-one wants to see you go anymore downhill.

LegacyUser

kdak - yeah I'm just waiting to hear when thanks

queen-mise - yeah I know I'm getting the feeling it is bad timing alright. Took me half-hour to get fees office on phone to ask what would happen if I deferred and came back (think If I can prove medical grounds I might be ok). Counselling service is who I can't get (though I get it that its not their fault really, with budget cuts they simply can't do much else, just frustrated!). I guess I could go talk to Welfare Officer anyway. Cheers for your support.

nyarlothothep

I'd inquire about deferral.

I did the same thing as you, worked my ass off for a 1.1 BA, then went straight into an MA. While it wasn't easy to muster up the strength to complete it, it was achievable, the thesis segment (well what I was doing) wasn't as bad as it first appeared to be. It takes a steady routine, careful planning and time management but it was doable. It might be easier long term if you have the thesis completed now rather than having it intrude upon you later on but I doubt that will be a problem for you as you seem determined to finish it off.

LegacyUser

Hey all just to keep you updated: met with GP this morning who agreed to a medical cert and suggested I ask for an extension until December and if I feel up to doing the thesis after Summer I can. Can't imagine anything I'd rather do less at moment, but I guess my feelings may change with the right help and so its good as an option. Am meeting my course co-ordinator tomorrow so fingers crossed it goes ok.

banshee_bones

Glad to see you have taken some proactive steps in trying to see the counsellor and going to your GP. Best of luck with your department head tomorrow, remember that they are on your side and are there to help you.

Take Care

kdak

well at least you're getting there! slowly but surely! now they know about your situation so its not the first they've heard of it if you need to go back again and try negotiate a bit more.
try get someone to be your 'back up' when talking to them, whether it be an access office (dunno if you have one) or a tutor or even a lecturer that seems approachable cause they're generally more accepting of cases like this if they know you're being open with other members of staff too.
my tutor told me that when it comes to these situations you need to have as many people as you can (or are comfortable with) knowing whats going on so that they know you aren't 'using' one person in the dept. if that makes sense?! she probably phrased it better but that was the general point being made!

LegacyUser

hey all, final update. Couldnt have gone better with college co-ordinator, was just simply frank with him and spoke very personally and he did all he could to reassure me, and outlayed all my options, and so I can finish up my modules, and defer the thesis portion until I'm feeling better. Now all that remains to be done is tell my parents, but I'll manage it somehow. Thanks to all for helping me get through it.

kdak

thats great news!
i understand how you feel bout telling your parents, sometimes thats the hardest part!
good on ya though! its not easy talking to people bout personal stuff. if things do start to feel a bit crappy again dont be afraid to talk to someone about it or even just come on here again!
glad its all cool now! you can enjoy yourself and then work on your thesis bit by bit without loads of pressure!